Review: Bait 3D

“Wanna see a movie?”

“What’s playing?”

“Bait 3D?”

“What’s that about?”

“It’s the one where a tsunami hits the Gold Coast and sharks end up inside a supermarket.”

This conversation can go one of two ways. The friend could think Bait 3D, the latest big budget Aussie flick to come along in an effort to snare more box office returns than critical adulation, sounds completely ridiculous and scoff at your notion. Or they could think it sounds completely ridiculous and want to be the first in line at the ticket counter. The end result of the film lies somewhere in the middle.

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Also, it should be noted that as I was doing "research" about the movie, I came across some images that I think are very important for judging whether to see this movie or not. I don't think it's spoiler territory to tell you that for a movie about people be drenched, there isn't anywhere near enough in the sexiness department.

This actor is Richard Brancatisano and when I saw him listed in the cast list I couldn't for the life of me remember who he was. Was he one of the early victims of the tsunami? No, then I remembered he features in the opening scene and then, er, is disposed of. Obviously the film doesn't utilise his considerable skills if I didn't even remember this. Not at all. Also this, this, and this.

Elsewhere, fans of Xavier Samuel get some surf lifesaver roleplaying inspiration, but little else. Hilariously, multiple characters tell him he "looks like crap". My kingdom for my version of "looks like crap" to be in the same beautiful universe as his. Alex Russell doesn't get much in that regards either, but he does get the best scene in the movie (a genuinely tense pipe crawl over shark-infested water) and he gets out of the film with his career unscathed. The same can't quite be said for Lincoln Lewis - who has a brief shirtless scene that was met with somebody over the other side of the cinema hollering "WOW!" - or Cariba Heine, Julian McMahon, or poor ol' Sharni Vinson who's called to drop to her knees in horror and scream "NOOOOO!" more times than I care to remember.

Yes.