Thursday, June 4, 2009

Black + White Friday: Scream

I wanted to experiment with Wes Craven's violent slasher flick and see if I could turn it into some sort of 1950s monster movie. A monster moving involving a monster with a ghost face, apparently. The experiment will most likely fail. The Scream movies hold such a special place in me, more than I can ever fully express, so this'll be interesting.

"Oh no! A person wearing a funny-looking mask is staring at me! NOOOO!"

"AAAAAGH! It's a giant horrible gelatinous blob! Whatever will I do?!"

Sidney: "My gosh Randy, who are you going to the Prom with? I'm just so happy to have found my dreamboat of a date!"
Tatum: "The Prom committee won't let me wear a dress this short to the dance, but I'm a fun-loving woman of the future so I'll wear what I want!"
Billy: "I can't believe I left my sweater-vest at home!"
Stuart: "Have you heard about the disaster at the nuclear plant?"
Randy: "DID YOU REALLY PUT HER LIVER IN THE MAILBOX? 'Cause I heard they found her liver in the mailbox, next to her spleen and her pancreas."
Everyone: "..."

"What is that on the horizon? A pack of wild radioactive animals?!? Why yes it is!"

"It is true you know what happened to Old Man Willard on his farm and that he is involved in a secret government plot to inject human lab rats with radioactive waste?"

"This is the uniform headdress that is worn by the secretive cult who worship aliens that police believe are behind the plot to murder all the young people of this pure, perfect American hamlet."

"Due to my boyish all-American looks and police uniform you can believe everything I say because a brave member of the Police force in the United States of America would never lie. It's those damned Communists!"

"Even though there is a monster killing all the teenagers in town and tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the suspicious unexplained death of my mother I think I will go to that big party tonight held at a house in the middle of nowhere filled with all the major characters from this story. All this despite my psychic abilities telling me something dreadful is going to happen there. Oh yes."

"I truly thought nothing could have possibly gone wrong with this idea! How could I, the fun-loving girl that every boy wants to get to third base with, end up in such a predicament?"

"AAAGH! Apparently this final monster comes equipped with a deadly fan! Those horrible radioactive animal-like communist cult monsters sure do come prepared. Oh, wait, it's just a false alarm. Now that we have beaten the evil commy cult monsters, this sleepy 1950s American town can live without fear... except the fear of GAY MARRIAGE!!"

*dun dun duuuunn*


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