Saturday, May 31, 2008

Top 10 Hard Candy-isms

I've had a change of heart recently in relation to Madonna's Hard Candy. An album I quite liked, but didn't love. In the passing weeks I have grown to love it. Sure, it's still nowhere near as good as Like a Prayer, American Life, Confessions of a Dance Floor or Ray of Light, but it'd take a lot to be as good as those.

So, in celebration, here are a few top ten's related to the album.

1. "Incredible"
2. "Miles Away"
3. "She's Not Me"
4. "The Devil Wouldn't Recognize You"
5. "Spanish Lesson"
6. "4 Minutes"
7. "Give It 2 Me"
8. "Voices"
9. "Beat Goes On"
10. "Dance 2Nite"

1. 4:20 onwards of "She's Not Me"
2. The refrain of 'so far away' throughout "Miles Away"
3. The swirling synths from 2:55-3:22 (and repeated throughout) of "Incredible"
4. Timbaland's intro of "4 Minutes"
5. Madonna's angry moment from 2:25-2:55 of "Incredible"
6. 2:58 onwards of "Voices"
7. The chorus of "Miles Away"
8. Kanye West's rap on "Beat Goes On"
9. 'Get stupid / Get stupid / Don't stop it' of "Give It 2 Me"
10. The chorus of "Dance 2Nite"

(aka Recommended Listenings)

1. "Got to Give It Up" by Aaliyah
2. "Don't Drop Bombs" by Liza Minnelli
3. "Afterglow" by Tina Turner
4. "Il Macquiallage Lady" by Sister Sledge
5. "Calling All Boys" by The Flirts
6. "Call Me" by Spagna
7. "Star" by Erasure
8. "Take Your Time (Do It Right)" by The SOS Band
9. "The Sphinx" by Nico
10. "Pull Up to the Bumper" by Grace Jones

Funnily enough, barely any of those are "hip-hip" or even "r&b". Funny because not much of Hard Candy really turned out to be either of those things, despite that being the general idea behind the album. Works for me though. Can you imagine Nico's "The Sphinx" or The Flirts' "Calling All Boys" as produced by Timbaland? Sure, it'd sound like everything else he does these days, but they'd still be epic.

Synecdoche, Poster

I'm so glad I now know how to pronounce the title to Charlie Kaufmann's first film as a director, Synecdoche, New York. Here is the poster, courtesy of IonCinema. It's... umm... yeah.

Am I the only one who thinks this poster isn't proportioned correctly? Cause I don't think it is. It needs to be longer... or skinnier... I'm hungry.

Friday, May 30, 2008


I'm sure every town has certain jokes that only people from that town could understand, and Geelong - my hometown and birthtown to the likes of Guy Pearce and, as I make frequent mention of because she's awesome, Portia de Rossi - is overflowing with them. Whether they be jokes about the Eureka (aka "Spewreka", so nicknamed because everyone who's ever been there has thrown up violently) or the city council's desperate desire to become a "tourism destination", they're pretty much only of any worth to people who have lived here and had the life sucked right outta them by the soul-sapping tentacles of our violent nightlife.

So it was with incredibly amusement that I read DefamerAU making a Wool Museum joke in an article about Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi visiting our "sleepy hollow"! Why Geelong has a wool museum I have never quite been able to figure out, but we have one and it bares repeating because, really, what town has a wool museum? Honestly!

...we hope Ellen enjoys her time in G-Town. Maybe she can visit the National Wool Museum!

NB: that is not some sort of celebrity lesbian in-joke/code, it's just something to do in Geelong.

It's sad, but true. From the website "The National Wool Museum was established in 1988 as Australia's only comprehensive museum of wool." Really. Geelong > New York City, any day of the week!

ooh, thrilling!

100 Greatest Movie Posters: #7 - Downhill Racer

Downhill Racer (1969)
Directed by Michael Ritchie
Poster Designed by Steve Frankfurt
Film Nationality - USA
Poster Nationality - USA

[click to enlarge]

Sometimes movie posters are "brave" in that they don't show the big stars. Sometimes they turn out great, like this one for Michael Ritchie's Downhill Racer, somehow being allowed by the story to not put Robert Redford smack bang in the middle of the poster for everyone to see. Sometimes they turn out bad. This is yet another time when a vast empty space actually works for a poster, instead of just looking like somebody at the design company couldn't be bothered doing their job. The movie is about skiing, so the white actually does serve a purpose, but it also just works with the black and white image above it. That really quite amazing black and white image above it. Isn't that just so sexy? Those eyelashes look deadly though, huh?

My only complaint is the kind of silly font used for the title. Not sure what they were doing there.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

This Week on Australian Screens

Cinema Releases for the Week 29/05/08

Earth - A film version of BBC's astounding Planet Earth series, now narrated by Patrick Stewart as opposed to God Amongst Men David Attenborough. Begs to be seen on IMAX, no?

Flight of the Red Balloon - Hsiao-hsien Hou's latest starring Juliette Binoche. To my knowledge, Hou's last film, Three Times, has yet to be released here. This is what Juliette Binoche brings you, I guess.

Leatherheads - George Clooney's third film as director is this American Football film starring himself, Renee Zellweger and John Krasinski. As much as I like Clooney and Krasinski, I just don't think I can subject myself to that godawful game. No matter how good the stuff around it may be, the game is just so shit and boring. Pass. And they wonder why movies about that topic don't succeed outside of America. IT'S BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE CARES!

The Orphanage - A Spanish horror flick about a haunted orphanage. Rather predictably being called "this year's Pan's Labyrinth purely because it's in Spanish and about creepy stuff. I saw the trailer for this at Gone Baby Gone recently and thought they'd remade The Others (another scary Spanish flick). The kid even does drawings of people nobody else can see!

Shine a Light - Martin Scorsese's latest is this Rolling Stones concert film. Features Christina Aguilera and Jack White, amongst others, in guest performance parts.

DVD Releases for the Week 29/05/08

Awake - It was only a matter of time, really, before Hayden Christensen and Jessica Alba movies started going direct-to-DVD. However, as much as I dislike each of them, it's co-star Terrence Howard who would be the one putting me to sleep. I can't believe he continues to get a free ride despite starring is shit like this.

Cleaner -Samuel L Jackson, Ed Harris and Eva Mendes star in this... movie. Don't ask me what it's about cause I don't know/care.

The Darjeeling Limited - True story. A friend and I went to see this movie and we had a joke as to how many people would be there. I guessed 20, she guessed something like 10. Turns out we were both wildly off as at least half the cinema filled up. Weird. Like this film, really. But it was still good.

I'm Not There - I never saw this Bob Dylan flick at the cinema - I blame it's woeful release pattern - but I'm very keen to catch up with it on DVD. Anybody know why it's IMDb profile features a period after the title?

Rogue - I liked this Aussie killer croc flick, although many others did not. Oh well. Thankfully they've kept the Aussie poster as the DVD artwork and not the awful (truly aaaawwful) American design.

Saawariya - An Indian title that got a bit more press than usual. It stars this man in a towel.

See No Evil - Some horror movie of sorts starring something called "Kane". I dunno what that is. Also stars Aussie Samantha Noble.

Also released today is yet another Sex & the City box set.

The ultimate collector's pack for the ultimate Sex and the City fan! This sophisticated & stylish box set includes all 6 seasons, each in its own pull-out "drawer"! Each season is also accompanied by a bonus book of information and imagery! Plus the collection includes a bonus DVD of special features!

100 Greatest Movie Posters: #8 - Detroit 9000

Detroit 9000 (1973)
Directed by Arthur Marks
Unknown Designer
Film Nationality - USA
Poster Nationality - USA

[click to enlarge]

Now here's one that I knew nobody would be able to predict. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm not even sure myself why I love this poster as much as I do. I am generally not a fan of posters that just throw everything on there, but perhaps it's the thematically designed way that it's done I think it works incredibly well. Plus, I love the use of colour the way the images are placed. That and I'm always a fan of a poster that does something cool with the title.

Clearly I have a thing for this sort of design as #37 on the countdown, another blaxploitation title, featured a vaguely similar motif and colour palate. Such is the way it goes, I suppose.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

100 Greatest Movie Posters: #9 - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Directed by Tobe Hooper
Poster Designed by Bryanston Pictures
Film Nationality - USA
Poster Nationality - USA

[click to enlarge]

Way back at number 64 on the countdown (so... long... ago... I apologize for taking so long) I mentioned that I thought Alien had the second greatest tag line OF ALL TIME. Say hello to number one.



Oh to be in the room when that was created. It is genius.

I have said so many times throughout this countdown that it's impossible to count that horror movies need something extra to get people to see them. They're not respectable, you see. However, when a movie poster not only shows you it's killing psychopath holding his weapon of choice in front of a woman hanging from the ceiling, you're already pretty much set to go (no such thing as "hide the monster" here). Yet then to throw on something a brazenly sick and twisted as that tagline? It equals the ninth greatest poster of all time.

Eli Roth could also take a few lessons from his poster. You don't need to show decapitated naked women (an image I still refuse to ever put on Stale Popcorn) to appear shocking and brutal. God I hate Eli Roth, but that's neither here nor there at this moment of time.

Tarantino's a Bastard

Okay, so by now all you regular readers should know that I would basically have Quentin Tarantino's babies if I could. I even think his grindhouse pastiche Death Proof was one of last year's very very best movies (which you'll find out about in a couple of weeks).

Alas, as anybody who is a fan of The QT (he's like The OC only with fewer wifebeaters and more car crashes) knows that he can be a real bastard sometimes. He is fond of routinely talking about movies and not actually making them. Perhaps most famous is his apparent Pulp Fiction prequel The Vega Brothers, which has never gotten off the ground. His next most talked about project is Inglorious Bastards, a WWII flick that he's had on the brain for five years.

Well, QT fans, it's time to celebrate because he's finally finished the screenplay to the film and, from the horses mouth, is ready to shoot.

The next movie I'm doing is my World War II movie. I just finished up the first draft and if ALL GOES WELL, I will be here, in Cannes, in 2009 with INGLORIOUS BASTARDS!


Of course, it could all turn out to be a big fat lie and in which case I'll drown my sorrows in the car chase of Death Proof or Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction or all of Jackie Brown or... etc.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

100 Greatest Movie Posters: #10: The Sin of Nora Moran

The Sin of Nora Moran (1933)
Directed by Phil Goldstone
Poster Designed by Alberto Vargas
Film Nationality - USA
Poster Nationality - USA

[click to enlarge]

Aaah, the halcyon days of pre-code Hollywood! I imagine this poster featuring a near-naked Zita Johann is more famous than the film it's advertising. I know I had never heard of this 1933 flick, but had seen the poster appear on many "best posters" lists right towards the pointy end. Alas, it doesn't quite get to the summit of my countdown, but, hey, number 10 is pretty darn good.

This classic design is by Alberto Vargas who was a noted erotica painter, but nothing from reading his biography could prepare for seeing this poster for the first time. It's so powerful in it's portrayal of a desperate and wronged woman. That fact that she's nearly naked is both besides the point and entirely the point. On one hand the act she commits in the film is (apparently, I have not seen it) worse than any mere nudity, yet the fact that she is naked shows how raw and exposed she becomes. The way her face is covered is something that you might not immediately notice (considering her breasts are on full show), but for me it's the single most compelling part.

...or something something. I sound like a prat sometimes.

One interesting thing to note. Imagine if, for instance, Kate Winslet posed for a film poster looking like that. The majority of people would be calling her fat and ugly. And that's after the photoshopping...

The Posters of Sydney Pollack

In dedication to the great actor/director Sydney Pollack who died yesterday, aged 73. Sadly, he has died the same year as his producing partner of 10 films Anthony Minghella. Click any of them to have a bigger look. Courtesy of IMP, PosterPlus and IMDb

I really love the angle and perspective of this Quad Poster. Shame then that I couldn't find a good quality version of it.

My favourite Pollack flick. Brilliant.

Why can't thrillers these days have such intriguing and mysterious posters like this one? These days it's just closeup of Matt Damon/Bruce Willis/etc usually holding a gun. Boring.

100 Greatest Movie Poster - #69

Still an underrated quality political thriller. Better than most of what else Hollywood dished up that year. For some reason it has a reputation as universally reviled. Not sure where that came from.

Monday, May 26, 2008

100 Greatest Movie Posters: #11 - The Birds

The Birds (1963)
Directed by Alfred Hitchcock
Poster Designed by Bronislaw Zelek
Film Nationality - USA
Poster Nationality - Poland

Something about this Polish Zelek-designed poster for Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds just CREEPS ME OUT! It wasn't even originally on the countdown, until I reconsidered and threw it in towards the other end of the chart and then every time I glanced at the thumbnail in the desktop file I have all these images saved in I'd go "That's actually way better than I'm giving it credit for". And so by the time I got to #50 I was still pushing it up a place or two before finally settling in to it's now comfortable place at number 11.

It's just really unsettling, isn't it? The evil skull with it's unnatural - doubling the creep factor - wings surrounded by the word "Ptaki", trailing it like a flock of - what I can only assume "ptaki" translates as - birds. And all on a canary yellow background?!?! aaagh!!

Sure, it helps that the film is bloody scary to begin with, but I think this poster works even outside of the film. I can't put my finger exactly on what it is though that makes it work as well as it does. It's like a case of the poster being the sum of it's parts... and then some (...and then some more). I don't think it has any right to be as good as it is, but it is that's a feat in itself.

A Director's Mind

One comes across many bizarre things at IMDb. A site I worship and return to multiple times every day that I have access to the Internet. It's a habit.

But, when I came across yesterday's "daily quiz" I was a bit puzzled. The question asked:

(if only I hadn't clicked on Hitchcock's name earlier in the day!)

So, I started to wonder; what if all these director biopics were made? Would they be any good? Who would they star? What already-produced biopic would they most resemble? And would they win Oscars? Here's what I came up with.

Woody Allen
Potential Titles: Woody!, The Woody Allen Chronicles, Everything You Wanted to Know About Woody Allen (But Were Afraid to Ask), A Jewish Mind (er, maybe not)
Potential Imitation Of: Man on the Moon, perhaps a bit too esoteric, much like some of Allen's movies. It could, however, become a minor success as long as the Weinsteins don't distribute it.
Potential Stars: Considering Woody Allen has been making movies lately with Woody Allen-by-proxy I'm sure any actor with a lithe frame could do it. Perhaps Zach Braff, who portrayed Allen's son in Manhattan Murder Mystery back in 1991.
Potential Oscars: The role of Woody as well as the screenplay (Allen is the most honoured screenwriter in Academy history) would be hot bets for prizes, and you know they'd give the role of Soon-Yi to some unknown and they'd take all the acclaim away from the famous actress portraying Mia Farrow.
But Will It Be Any Good?: Well, there's some juicy tabloid storylines and if there was a screenplay half as witty as Allen's best then sure, it could be great!

Pedro Almodovar
Potential Titles: Viva Pedro!, Pedro, All About Pedro
Potential Imitation Of: Frida, an eccentric figure turned vanilla, or Iris, showing his life as a child under the rule of Franco and his later life as a genius film director. Throw in a bit of film-within-a-film Bad Education styled craziness for flavour.
Potential Stars: Get some famous star of the stage or some big Spanish actor to play him. Or maybe they could get a tranny to play him. I'm sure Pedro would approve.
Potential Oscars: A foreign biopic? Of course. Best Actor and Best Foreign Language Film.
But Will It Be Any Good?: Something tells me it'd end up being formulaic in a traditional way, ala Frida, which I still liked, or it could be formulaic in a bastardised way, ala La Vie en Rose, which I hated. Hmmm...

Tim Burton
Potential Titles: Burton, Black Burton, Tim Burton Presents: Tim Burton
Potential Imitation Of: Ed Wood. The only way a biopic could be made is if it were done in the wildly theatrical style of Burton's own film. Realism be damned. Or, if they really wanted to screw with audiences, Tim Burton could direct and could focus solely on Burton making Ed Wood. It'd be meta filmmaking at it's most gothic!
Potential Stars: JOHNNY DEPP! omigodiknowright?! And even though she'd be too old for the role y'all just know Helena Bonham Carter would be played by none other than HELENA BONHAM CARTER!!! omigod!
Potential Oscars: It will be buzzed all year long until it finally comes to be released and people realise "ooh, too much blood!" and promptly award it with an Art Direction Oscar and be done with it. That or they could have a sudden change-of-heart and see it as a way of honouring Burton's long-ignored career.
But Will It Be Any Good?: It could be delightful, actually, if it has a sense of fun and isn't all goth goth blood goth, which some people think is the only thing Burton is about.

Uwe Boll
Potential Titles: Hey Uwe!, Uwe Boll, The Super-Boll, The House of Boll, any other number of witty pun titles that can be created using his name.
Potential Imitation Of: Ed Wood. I imagine somebody someday in the future will decide to make a biopic about the modern day Ed Wood (Plan 9 From Outer Space, remember), forever cementing his status in popular culture. Whoever that director is will have a lot of explaining to do because I doubt Boll's story is anywhere as fascinating as Wood's.
Potential Stars: This could be a Marion Cotillard-style breakthrough for a foreign actor. But, it's alright, Uwe Boll is a male so it's not like the actor's performance will be judged by how much they deglammed. Men don't have to deglam, you see. They can be schlubby in every day life and not have to worry! Hey, I think I hear Paul Giamatti calling...
Potential Oscars: Just like today, whoever will portrays Boll will get no respect. Whoever plays Tara Reid, on the other hand, circa the Boll-directed Alone in the Dark has Best Supporting Actress sewn up!
But Will It Be Any Good?: I imagine it wouldn't be hard to, if nothing else, be better than anything Uwe Boll has directed in his life.

John Cassavetes
Potential Titles: A Man Under the Influence, The Original Independent, John and Gina (a joint biopic about he and wife Gena Rowland!)
Potential Imitation Of: Walk the Line if we're talking a John and Gena double play, but I'm thinking more along the lines of Capote or Pollack. A small character stuff would befit Cassavetes I imagine.
Potential Stars: Time for a previously undramatic actor to stand up and take the reigns. And somebody like, say, Kate Bosworth, can add some pounds (if that's possible) and portray Rowlands.
Potential Oscars: Much like Walk the Line the main star, whoever plays Cassavetes, will get big Oscar buzz, and perhaps due to a weak Best Actress lineup, whoever portrays Rowlands will get a bump into Best Actress. It will flunk out on Best Picture and Director, however.
But Will It Be Any Good?: I predict it'd be respectable and well-made, but nothing stunning.

Joel and Ethan Coen
Potential Titles: The Coens, Super Coen Bros. (hahah), Coen
Potential Imitation Of: Hilary and Jackie for sibling rivalry. I don't know what kind of movie a Coen biopic would be. Have they lead lives worthy of one, even?
Potential Stars: I dunno. Two brothers of some variety, perhaps.
Potential Oscars: Why is this movie even being made? No.
But Will It Be Any Good?: No. Seriously, why would this movie need to be made?

Francis Ford Coppola
Potential Titles: Coppola Now!, Ford, The Italian
Potential Imitation Of: I imagine it could be a Shadow of the Vampire like "biopic" that shows the desperation he went through on the sets of his films during the '70s up to and including Apocalypse Now.
Potential Stars: It's a shame Zero Mostel isn't around anymore! I imagine he'd have a blast with the hystrionics of Coppola's career.
Potential Oscars: The scenes during the making of Apocalypse Now would be Oscar-central (have you not heard the stories?) and I'm sure it'll be technically amazing.
But Will It Be Any Good?: Yes. There's enough material here for a ripping yarn, surely!

Werner Herzog
Potential Titles: Werner, The Other Crazy German, The Man Who Ate a Shoe, WernerMan
Potential Imitation Of: I imagine a documentary-bio film like Herzog's own Grizzly Man is the only way to do justice to passages of film history like Herzog eating a shoe those whole Fitzcarraldo shenanigans. If we're going feature film then I reckon The Life and Death of Peter Sellers or Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus. Herzog needs something a little bit left of centre.
Potential Stars: One of those reliable statemen like Anthony Hopkins, Ed Harris, Gene Hackman... you know. All they need is a good accent. Toby Allen or Willem Dafoe would be a good fit for German actor Klaus Kinski
Potential Oscars: Whoever plays Herzog and his frequent collaborator Klaus Kinski would be locks for Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor nominations, if not wins. They're juicy parts. Tech categories like Art Direction could be good bets too, for recreating all those famous sights.
But Will It Be Any Good?: Ye---maybe. It's hard to tell.

The recreation of this moment in history will join the ranks of the bike flying across the moon in ET, or Darth Vader admitting to his true identity, or Nomi Malone flickin' the blade like a hardcore mothafucker. Classic cinema.

Alfred Hitchcock
Potential Titles: Hitch has been taken by a lame Will Smith romcom, so howabout Silhouettes as a great artsy-fartsy avant guard kinda title. Or the more traditional Alfred.
Potential Imitation Of: The Aviator. Hollywood, Stars, Temper Tantrums, etc
Potential Stars: Well, apparently, Anthony Hopkins has been cast in an actual Hitchcock biopic, but I think someone like Malcolm McDowell could be a lovely bit of casting. But who could play the bevy of leading men and ladies along the way? Well, I'm sure Gwyneth Paltrow would cut of her own arm to play Grace Kelly, Naomi Watts is already replicating Tippi Hedren in a Birds remake so she could take that role, and... Scarlett Johansson could fit in somewhere. She likes playing old fashioned. As for the men? Who could play Jimmy Stewart or Anthony Perkins? Hmm...
Potential Oscars: Well, this would fit nicely into the Oscar mould. A biopic about an obsessive director. It'd feature a lot of scenes of it's star being angry and it's women crying.
But Will It Be Any Good?: I presume so, if for no other reason than the subject is so fascinating.

Stanley Kubrick
Potential Titles: The Kubrick Affair, Kubrickian, Eyes Wide Kubrick, A Kubrick Odyssey
Potential Imitation Of: Some cross between I'm Not There, Fur and Quills for mad geniusness.
Potential Stars: NOT JOHN MALKOVICH. I know he technically wasn't playing "Stanley Kubrick" but just the thought of Colour Me Kubrick sends chills up my spine. I see Paul Giamatti taking the part though. Or, I shudder to imagine, Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Potential Oscars: Yeah, Giamatti would win for playing someone famous, naturally. Other than that I expect, like it's subject, to be just a bit too odd for full a full embrace by the Academy.
But Will It Be Any Good?: I suspect so.

Ang Lee
Potential Titles: Ang Tough, lol, no way. I honestly can't think of any. Ang doesn't really have a ring to it, does it?
Potential Imitation Of: I honestly don't know. I don't think Ang's life would befit a biopic. It's like the Coens up there.
Potential Stars: Er... knowing Hollywood they'll cast someone Japanese.
Potential Oscars: I have a feeling that if this were made it'd turn out like that Celine Dion biopic.
But Will It Be Any Good?: No.

Pier Paolo Pasolini
Potential Titles: Sodom: The Life and Death of Pasolini... umm, that's all I could think of
Potential Imitation Of: Some unholy mix of Quills, Before Night Falls and The Passion of the Christ. If you can imagine it.
Potential Stars: Viggo Mortensen. Those two seem like a good fit.
Potential Oscars: Nope. Well, maybe Viggo might get some buzz at, like, the Venice Film Festival (they were big fans of Pasolini), but I doubt anything else substantial.
But Will It Be Any Good?: Yes. It could be amazing. Pasolini's life was event-filled to say the least.

Roman Polanski
Potential Titles: Roman, The Roman Empire, The Polanski Files, Romantown
Potential Imitation Of: AutoFocus for the sleeze factor, or Domino for sensationalism. No joke.
Potential Stars: Is it weird that I can picture Jamie Bell playing him in, like, 30 years? Frightening. Maybe it's the deshevelled hair. And you just know Scarlett Johansson would be all over the role of Sharon Tate, even though they look absolutely nothing alike.
Potential Oscars: Not if it's anything like AutoFocus (awful) or Domino (so-bad-it's-good).
But Will It Be Good?: Not if it's anything like Autofocus, but perhaps if it were like Domino (yet, not).

George A Romero
Potential Titles: Romero, I Direct the Dead, Zombies and Shopping Malls: The George A Romero Story (direct-to-DVD) - this one was tough.
Potential Imitation Of: Ed Wood (again), but only in the documenting-how-a-low-budget-movie-got-made sort of way. Except this time the movie is good (Night of the Living Dead). The destinction needs to be made.
Potential Stars: Jake Gyllenhaal? I dunno. They both have beards. Ryan Gosling?
Potential Oscars: Nah, the Oscars aren't gonna go near a movie about flesh eating zombies, even if it is in the guise of a behind-the-scenes styled comedy with racial overtones.
But Will It Be Any Good?: It could be fascinating. All the horror stories from behind-the-scenes of horror movies are just amazing (see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it even has the mafia!) so it could be ripe for movie-telling.

Steven Spielberg
Potential Titles: Any number of middle-of-the-road idol worship titles, really.
Potential Imitation Of: Ray. Both Ray Charles and Steve Spielberg are gifted and talented individuals, but you just know that Spielberg's life would get a bland whitewashing just like Charles did.
Potential Stars: For some reason I see a bit of Richard Gere in there. If they're wanting to focus on "Spielberg: The Younger Years" then maybe Adam Goldberg? Wait, is it offensive that I chose him purely because he's Jewish and has a beard? Perhaps it is, but you know that's all the casting directors would be doing. Hell, at least I chose someone who is Jewish!
Potential Oscar: The only way Oscar could be more on this would be if it were directed by Clint Eastwood.
But Will It Be Any Good?: If Ray and A Beautiful Mind taught us anything, it's that middle-of-the-road biopics are always crappy, so I would hazard a guess and say that it would not be a good movie, but it could easily turn out to be quite great.

You know who my vote would go to? David Lynch. Imagine that? Laura Dern and Kyle MacLachlan can star as themselves trying to get to the bottom of why he's so nutters. What about Terrence Malick? Reclusive genius and all. Oh, the possibilities... and you know with Hollywood they are legitimate possibilities, which is the most frightening aspect of it all. It's all a big joke until somebody goes and makes The Uwe Boll Story: A Requiem in Four Parts.

And for those wanting to know, these were the end results for the original poll:

Alfred Hitchcock - 19.1%
Stanley Kubrick - 15.5%
Roman Polanski - 9.4%
"I'd watch a biopic on most/any of these directors." - 7.8%
Steven Spielberg - 7.1%
Tim Burton - 7.0%
"I wouldn't watch a biopic of most/any of these directors. - 5.0%
"I don't watch biopics in general." - 4.9%
Woody Allen - 4.7%
Uwe Boll - 4.2%
Werner Herzog - 2.9%
Pier Paolo Pasolini - 2.3%
Joel and Ethan Coen - 2.2%
Francis Ford Coppola - 2.0%
George A Romero - 1.8%
"I have no opinion." - 1.4%
John Cassavetes - 1.1%
Pedro Almodovar - 0.9%
Ang Lee - 0.4%

At least they got the first and last one right.