Showing posts with label Really Bad Movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Really Bad Movies. Show all posts

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Hit Me With Your Best Shot: Mary Poppins

I had never seen Mary Poppins before today. This somewhat startling fact had become more or less a running gag with certain friends since they just could not fathom why I hadn't seen it and why I had no desire to do so. I was the same with The Sound of Music until I came across it one day on television and figured "it's now or never." My experience with watching that famous 1965 Julie Andrews musical only made my desire to not watch Mary Poppins from one year earlier even stronger. Still, bite the bullet I did and I watched Robert Stevenson's 1964 musical for the first time for The Film Experience's ongoing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" series.

I'll admit that for as much as I struggled to watch the movie its seemingly interminable series of pantomime and cloying wide-eyed quirkiness, I struggled even more to find a shot that I liked enough. I don't feel Mary Poppins is a particularly well-photographed film. Oh, sure, the sets and the costumes and the animation and the visual effects are all working overtime to make this a lively and energetic picture (there is always a lot going on in nearly every frame), but I don't think the cinematography do it any favours with its unimaginative set-ups and framing. I didn't find many of the musical sequences all that involving and only when they really ramped up the artificiality did I actually get invested in them, which is a curious thing to admit but there you go.

I guess that brings me back to why I just flat out did not like this movie. It feels so crushingly old-fashioned. Consider that West Side Story had come out just three years prior and maybe you can see what I mean. That one is so vibrantly constructed and beats with a modern heart. Mary Poppins, for all of its technological advances, just reeks of mothballs. I know many consider the film to be a lighter than air confection, but I found its dottering and fluttering to be nigh on insufferable. I mean, it certainly doesn't help that Julie Andrews is the only one I could stand to listen to - it's undeniable that she has a pretty voice, yes - but I really struggled to watch this movie without sighing every time an unnecessary song that goes on far too long came on. Cutesy kids alert at red, folks. Eep!


The one aspect other than Andrews that I enjoyed was just how very odd the whole enterprise is. I don't just mean in that characters go about doing odd things, but that the film itself finds itself throwing some truly odd stuff out there in what was probably conceived as a rather innocuous children's flick (upcoming Saving Mr Banks will certainly show us what's what, right? Ummm... maybe not). When it came to selecting a shot I considered the moment the flowers become butterflies in the famous animated sequence (above), or something from Dick Van Dyke's rooftop dancing sequence with the fireworks since there was some beautiful matte work there, or his foggy exit, or even one of the ridiculous shots of nanny's flying away down the street (did nobody find that odd?) No, my "best shot" is one actually from the very beginning of the movie as the camera pans across the London skies and spots Mary Poppins sitting atop the clouds. I found it quite odd, but that's a good thing.


It's a moment that genuinely surprised me. And for a film that didn't do all that much surprising to me in its following two hours and twenty minutes, I figured that was worth celebrating. It's just a supremely strange moment that comes unexpectedly and comes rather peacefully, uncluttered by everything including the kitchen sink that the rest of the film seems determined to throw at the screen. Looking at it just now and it's a rather beautiful image in its own right, and one that looks as if it carries a certain sadness without its cheerful chim-chim-cheree on the soundtrack. I wish the rest of the film was able to make me actually feel something other than painful contempt. I am not surprised in the least that the creator of the Mary Poppins character hated the film.

If you ask me, the best thing this film wrought was the infamous "Scary Mary" recut trailer that reposits the film as an suspenceful horror flick about a vengeful nanny with mystical powers. I'd long enjoyed the video, but now having seen the movie it's based on I can guarantee that it'd be a helluva lot more interesting. Especially since, as the video suggests as well as the aforementioned odd moments, there's a completely different movie going on in there and I want to see it.


Monday, January 7, 2013

Fiona Shaw's Gangster Squad



Did you know, Mr Bleichert, that Ramona Boulevard is named after me."
"I didn't."
"When Emmett married me for my father's money, he promised my family that he would use his influence with the city's zoning board to have a street named after me. But all he could manage was a dead-end block in a red light district. In Lincoln... Hhhh-eights. Are you familiar with the neighbourhood, Mr Bleichert."
"I grew up there."
"Yes, well, then you'll know that Mexican prostitutes expose themselves from windows. I hear many of them know Mr Liscott by name!"
"Shut up!"
"I will sing for my supper when Mayor Bowran comes to dinner, but not for Madeleine's male whores. He's a common policeman, my god! How little you think of me.

The above is a transcript of one of Fiona Shaw's two incredibly memorable scenes from Brian De Palma's 2006 retelling of the famous "Black Dahlia" murder. It is inarguable one of just many incredibly odd scenes to be found across De Palma's altogether messy film, The Black Dahlia. A film that reached such sky high levels of badness that it veered directly into unintentionally camp laugh riot. Shaw, it would seem, is the only actor the whole affair who was able to see what film was being made and went about not only stealing it outright from everybody else, but doing so in a style that continues to amaze me to this very day. In just two brief scenes Fiona Shaw was able to give The Black Dahlia a legacy of some sort beyond being a pretty failure. One person once described her as an "utter loon" and who could argue with that? I know many hate this movie - and with good reason, I'd suggest - but I enjoy it as an exercise in complete and utter foolhardy, Hollywoodised rubbish. Shaw is the lone star amongst a collection of dull, imploding masses of clay (I'm looking at you Scarlett Johannson, Josh Hartnett, Aaron Echkart, and Hilary Swank as a ridiculously unsexy Russian lesbian who doesn't for a single moment look "just like that dead girl", no matter what Johansson's playing-in-mummy's-wardrobe performance would have you believe.)

I bring up The Black Dahlia because last night I saw Gangster Squad, new film by Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland) that got shafted to a January release date after the shooting tragedy at a Colorado movie theatre. Set two years after the events of The Black Dahlia, Gangster Squad shares a similarly styled aesthetic, although one that lacks the lush intricacies of Dahlia. Dione Beebe's overly computerised digital photography and the overly artificial sets don't have any of the eye-popping class of Vilmos Zsigmond's Oscar-nominated cinematography or uniquely specific sets from De Palma's movie. Mark Isham's musical score for the latter is equally fine, especially compared to Squad's Nolan-inspired boom score from Michael Bay collaborator Steve Jablonsky. If the actors are by and large better in Gangster Squad then that's more an indictment of The Black Dahlia, but they still fail to enliven a fairly mediocre movie. Emma Stone looks particularly lost at sea playing a sexy dame with eyes for Ryan Gosling's bad boy cop. That her entrance is a replication of Michelle Pfeiffer's breakthrough into cinema history in Scarface does her little favours.

Still, the film's biggest problem is its tone. Whether this is a result of having to (literally) go back to the editing room and recut the film to, at least, remove any trace of the infamous cinema shooting scene that caused such a controversy after the Aurora massacre, I'm not sure, but I think it's fair to say there was a problem long before that tragedy unfolded. I suspect there's little coincidence that Sean Penn's villain (as well as many of his henchmen) resemble Dick Tracy characters, but why then not go all the way and give the film an entirely cartoonish quality? It certainly would have made some of its more excessive directorial flourishes more palatable. I craved a scene or two that was as maddeningly bonkers as Fiona Shaw's inclusion in The Black Dahlia. I longed for a scene as deliciously in your face and technically savvy as that film's long take as the body of Elizabeth Short was found. Sadly none were to be found.

Similarly, if it's not going to reach the crazy end of the pool, why not go serious and aim for LA Confidential or The Untouchables? It's not as if the cast was wanting for something serious, but the no man's land that Gangster Squad finds itself in does nobody any favours. By the time Josh Brolin's leathery hide was chasing down buggies and latching on them like he was T1000 I'd long since given up interest. Which is a shame, but not altogether unsurprising. The aforementioned cinema scene looked like a film peak from the trailer so its exclusion is as disappointing in that regard as it is unnecessary. But, there's nothing they can do about it now. C

I will say this though: Gangster Squad's end credits are fabulous. It's not actually a diss to say they're the best part of the film because they're genuinely excellent. They were done by a company called Scarlet Letters and if you do go see the film please stay and watch them all.


You show 'em, Fiona!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Best (and Worst) Posters of 2012 - Part II


It's distressing when compiling a list such as this and I come to realise that almost any poster featured within the entire top (bottom?) 50 could have been a legitimate contender for worst of the worst. Literally, take your pick and it was a bona fide "worst!" pick at any given moment. I'm not as much a doomsayer as some others when it comes to the art of film key artwork, as I feel every year I have proven there is a substantial number of designs (and specific designers) that are original, unique, interesting, and feature a style worth paying attention to. This year, however, as I made up the list, it really did appear as if the bad designs just kept on coming and coming.

Whether it's bad Photoshop, bizarre spacial arrangements, disinterested star power, or ugly aesthetics, all 50 of the following posters remind me of Satanic garbles from one of those possessed idiots in The Devil Inside (which, yes, features twice on the list). Like the deranged flip side of my favourite poster biases, there are some posters below that bask in garish colours and simplicity that is actually just laziness. All of the 50 images below are an insult to the eyes, and no matter the budget of the film in question ($200mil John Carter; presumably miniscule Leave it On the Floor) they remain unforgivable and inexplicably released to the public. Enjoy, or, better yet, don't. Just shake your head and wonder where it all went wrong.

50. The Moth Diaries
49. Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D
48. Hope Springs


47. Parental Guidance
46. Men In Black 3
45. House at the End of the Street


44. Alex Cross
43. Killing Them Softly
42. Bait 3D


41. Joyful Noise
40. What to Expect When You're Expecting
39. Any Questions for Ben?


38. A Fantastic Fear of Everything
37. The Perfect Family
36. The Babymakers


35. Lay the Favorite
34. Here Comes the Boom
33. Keith Lemon: The Film


32. Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection
31. John Carter
30. Housos vs Authority


29. So Undercover
28. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
27. The Intouchables


26. Bait 3D
25. The Woman in Black
24. The Devin Inside


23. The Decoy Bride
22. Stolen
21. Battleship


20. Lawless
For being the yearly "Weinstein Fob Off". For the ugly-assed placements (the cast on the vest!!!). For covering Tom Hardy's face with an ugly hat.


19. Playing for Keeps
For the hideous colour uncoordinated panels. For a tagline that begs a response of "NOT THIS!"


18. Think Like a Man
For the OMGSOMANYPEOPLEAAAAAGGH! For terrifying me with this when I went to get a file.


17. Intruders
For failing miserably at whatever it was doing. For serious? For not being scary at all.


16. Alyce
For making want to get a tetanus booster just by looking at it.


15. The Door
The being so entirely drained of imagination. For not even attempting it.


14. Cowgirls n Angels
For shamelessly cribbing off of every other little-girl-and-her-inspirational-pet poster. For just everything.


13. Outside Bet
For... take your pick.


12. The Man Who Shook the Hand of Vincente Fernandez
For the indignity. For the colour palate brown.


11. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2
For that Photoshop. For the hilarious running action still. For being over.


10. The Cold Light of Day
For being cheap and lazy. For Terminator Sigourney.


9. Dark Tide
For being... overt.


8. Fun Size
For being a fake tanned hot mess for bad Photoshop and bizarre use of space. For the superhero baby who's actually an eight-year-old child (whod've thunk it?)


7. Freelancers
For... well, do I even have to say it?


6. This Means War
For being ugly for the most part, but also for having the year's most egregious use of Photoshop imaginable. For not even bothering to hide it.


5. Leave It On the Floor
For "Featuring SWEET DREAMS by BEYONCE". For being one big ol' gay mess.


4. The Devil Inside
For making me want to get ANOTHER tetanus booster.


3. Quartet
For being "part 1980s anti-apartheid concert poster, part Dulcolax ad." (thank you Guy Lodge!)


2. 360
For making a terrible concept even worse. For being so goddamn fucking ugly.


1. Freeloaders
For everything. For having its own star ask "is that real". For everything.

And how about you, dear readers? I know I've forgotten something (I always do), but this year had a particularly, er, stellar crop to choose from.