Stale Popcorn

Odds & Ends: Lynch, Drive and Somebody That I Used to Know

2012-02-03T15:59:00.003+11:00

I've felt neglectful this week, so my apologies. I've had stuff to write about, too, I have just been met with a mix of uninterest, lack of time, movie watching and so on and so on. I wanted to briefly touch on a few things I've seen today to at least give the semblance of still writing.

One of the things I have come to discover over the last few months is that some people hate lists. More of the "ranking films" variety than novelty fun lists, but still... I didn't actually think it was possible. Part of the fun of being a cinephile is, I think, sharing and comparing one person's list with my own and discovering not only new takes on films, but also discovering new films entirely. Basically, if you don't like lists then December/January is a bad time of the year for you, wouldn't you agree? One list, however, that can surely all agree is worth our time is Time Out's best David Lynch characters. Lynch's work is always ripe for discussion, and I love that he's able to craft such individual characters (and performances) for what could otherwise have been rather standard minor supporting roles. His films are full to the brim with buzzing performances and fascinatingly unique characters that makes a list like this a good'ne. Even if I don't necessarily agree with them all - where's Catherine Martell (Twin Peaks) or Rebekah del Rio (Mulholland Drive) - but, yet again, that's the beauty of lists. I love that they appear to have actually watched all of his stuff and not just gone with the movies and devised a lazy list like that. So please, peruse the list and let us know what you think. Can any of us really argue with number one? Doubtful.

Meanwhile, speaking of Twin Peaks... my followers on Twitter will have seen this, but for any of you readers who have not:

Amazing, is it not? Man, I really need to rewatch that entire series some time soon. Classic.

What's that? You need more alternate posters for Drive? Well sure, in my seemingly never-ending mission to bring y'all great alternate poster designs for Drive, the best film of 2011, here is yet another and it's from the trusty people at Alamo Drafthouse. I still prefer the James White edition that I am soon to have hanging on my wall, but this is obviously very fine especially if you like this sort of aesthetic.

Meanwhile, I tweeted the other day that Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know" was a more complex representation of a disintegrating relationship in four minutes than The Descendants was in its entire 100+ minutes. And now that Gotye (featuring Kimbra, of course) has hit its stride on the US Billboard chart (#31, crazy) and watched this video of them performing on Jimmy Kimmel, my love for the song has re-ignited. It is interesting though how we get such a rounded, full picture of the failed romance at the centre of the song and yet The Descendants had not a single moment of reality that cut through all the bullshit. That Kimbra guest verse was a rather brilliant decision as it suitable redefines the boundaries of sympathy. Instead of being a one man show about how awful his ex girlfriend is (a frequent occurrence in music from both genders, but songs generally don't run long enough to become repetitive and offensive), it becomes a duelling duet about how both parties failed themselves and each other. Something The Descendants could have used more of, don't you think?

Still, that movie doesn't quite pip This Means War to the post of most misogynistic film I've seen so far in 2012, so that's a win for Alexander Payne's film, I guess. :/

Honey 2 the Bee (see what I did there?)

2012-01-31T18:51:00.000+11:00

"A mix between America's Best Dance Crew and Step Up, but way more awesome" - TEEN.COM

So pronounces the back cover of the Honey 2 blu-ray. I wasn't even aware Honey 2 existed and yet lo and behold there it was on the shelf at Video Vision just screaming, yelling, begging for me to rent it out. The cover looked so completely innocuous and nondescript - the title typeface appears to be Arial Bold - that I just knew I had to plant the cash down for it. Given that I had only just tweeted some several days earlier about this sort of film, it was like fate. Cliched fate, but fate nonetheless.

It did not disappoint. Somewhat completely different to the original Honey, Honey 2 (it gets away with the title because it's set at the same dance studio as the original, which has been hilariously renamed as "The Honey Daniels School for Dance") stars somebody called Katerina Graham as Maria, a young dancer taken out of "juvie" and put into the foster care of Honey Daniels' mother. I figured that this Maria chick must have been in the original, but it turns out she wasn't so I'm a bit confused as to what she's doing here and why Honey Daniels' mother gives too licks about her. The plot description on the back of the box exclaims that "the legacy of legendary dancer and choreographer Honey Daniels lives on", which is just hilarious since, if I recall correctly, all Honey Daniels did was fall ass backwards into some Z-grade hip-hop artist's videos before choreographing a routine for... Blaque Ivory? Man, Honey sucked!

Offside: Try saying "Honey Daniels" three times in the mirror and not even Jessica Alba will appear in your mirror for a cheap 5 minute cameo!

So ghetto! So gangsta! So fly!
Maybe it was because Honey 2 - from the same director as the original in case you were really desperate to know - ditched any ideas of being a legitimate film vehicle for Jessica Alba, but I deeply enjoyed it. Not because it's a great movie, but because it so directly plugs into everything that amuses me greatly about this genre of film. I feel like I have actually seen this movie before and that it was just relabelled as Honey 2, but I just don't care. I have a weakness, a sickness, for these dance movies. I know every single plot point there could possibly be and Honey 2 follows them to the letter. Sometimes that's all you want. Oh sure, it'd be great to have a dance movie that rivals, say, Saved the Last Dance for surprising dramatics (that line "we spend more time defending our relationship than actually having one" is such a good one!) or Step Up 2: The Streets for it's exploration of communal pride, but sometimes when you go to watch a horror movie you just want Friday the 13th Part XVI, you know? Or maybe that's just me? Is it just me? Oh...

Really, there is a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, a rich boy (who has to miss their big audition to take an exam), a crew competition with a $100,000 cash prize that will pay for the medical expenses of their sick grandma, a reality dance show called Battle Zone, "street battles", dance sex, dancing to imagined music, perfectly choreographed spontaneous dance battle sequences, training montages, ridiculously evil villains and enough casual racism ("ah hellz naw, I gots this beeych" and enough hoochy mama's "mmhmmm"-ing their way through sassy smartmouthing) to fill several Brett Ratner movies. The biggest laugh was reserved for the scene where Maria goes about getting inspiration throughout the city (ballet! mime! salsa! incredibly flamboyant vogueing! it's like Bring It On amongst the streets of New York City). And then, of course, there's the opening credits title card that reads "introducing Alexis Jordan, with Audrina Patridge and Mario Lopez", because that's what we all need, am I right?

Word.

Review: The Artist

2012-01-31T14:08:00.000+11:00

The Artist

Dir. Michel Hazanavicius

Country: France

Aus Rating: PG

Running Time: 100mins

It can be tricky watching a film like The Artist at this point in the game. Riding high on buzz from last year’s Cannes Film Festival, this charming French film from director Michel Hazanavicius (creator of the OSS 177 series) has a lot to live up to. Having steamrolled through award show season, and placing as the odds on favourite to win Best Picture at this month’s Academy Awards, Australian audiences finally get to see what all the fuss is about of this black and white, silent film. Don’t you worry, there’s reason to fuss.

Read the rest at Trespass Magazine

Review: Martha Marcy May Marlene

2012-01-31T01:06:00.000+11:00

Martha Marcy May Marlene

Dir. Sean Durkin

Country: USA

Aus Rating: MA15+

Running Time: 102mins

“Do you ever have that feeling where you don’t know if something’s a dream or a memory”, asks Elizabeth Olsen’s deeply traumatised Martha. It’s a line that perhaps best encapsulates Sean Durkin’s fascinating debut feature about a girl who escapes a commune and spirals under the eye of a disillusioned sister. Durkin has crafted his film with such a magical, mysterious sense of fluidity where images blur into one and memories of the past merge effortlessly into the present. It is a towering achievement of construction and simmering tension that sees this heretofore unknown Olsen sister navigating a trajectory that is both tragic and deeply wounding. If We Need to Talk About Kevin was an arthouse take on the "demon seed" subgenre of horror, then Martha Marcy May Marlene takes a similar metaphysical path to a slasher flick as this one girl is slowly, but surely, chased down. Not by a physical being per se, but by the psychological scars of a hurtful society. They're coming for her, and she has nowhere to go but to hide for as long as possible until the inevitable comes.

The situation that Martha finds herself in is not entirely explained, nor delved into with any great details, she merely finds herself in the company of a commune. This cult-like place is watched over with unsuspecting menace by Patrick, played by a growling John Hawkes. The brief glimpses of this near self-serving community are initially quite placid, but much like Martha’s re-integration into society, things go wrong very quickly. The film opens with Martha making a seemingly half-hearted attempt to escape through the woods of the New York Catskills early one morning. That she is found later on but her commune brother in a nearby town is not the scary part; the scary part is that they let her go.

Sumptuously filmed by cinematographer Jody Lee Lipes, Martha Marcy May Marlene – the “Marcy May” and “Marlene” refer to alternate personalities that Martha adopts at various intervals – appears to be filmed through a swatch of delicate lace, as delicate as the central character even. The deep greens and blacks don’t look quite as natural and rich, but are leant an almost dreamlike quality as if seen through sleepy half-closed eyes. Continuously filmed with obstructed lines of sight, it has a visual verve that belies its origins. I am always impressed by lower budgeted films like this that are able to craft such specific tones, and along with the impressive sound work – Martha sits alongside recent titles The Turin Horse, Antichrist and Meek's Cutoff as films that have made nature sound so eerily foreboding in the cinema – Durkin has allowed the locations of his film to help shape the story rather than merely accentuate it.

The ambiguity of the ending will surely leave audiences questioning what they have or have not seen, with its quiet demeanour will ultimately prove too impenetrable for some. I, on the other hand, found its relaxed-like-molasses atmosphere to be the perfect compliment to the powerful story. The encroaching horror weaselled its way into Martha's mind as well as mine, and several scenes towards the end – in particular a disastrously unnerving dinner party sequence that should have netted Olsen an Academy Award nomination – ratchet the tension up to levels that feel inconceivable at the outset. Like the guitar that Hawkes’ magical leader strums in front of an adoring crowd, Durkin works his film’s elements masterfully, timing everything perfectly so as to create maximum impact for even the slightest of incidents. Martha Marcy May Marlene isn’t a film I shall forget too quickly, it’s hushed terrors nagging like an itch under the skin. Its final haunting passages of deeply rooted paranoia are unforgettable. A

An Unlikely Sequel to Misplaced Americana

2012-01-30T16:24:00.000+11:00

One of the 60 or so films that I saw at least year's Melbourne International Film Festival was Mike Ott's somewhat scrambled take on misplaced Americana, Littlerock. Ott's film navigated the interconnecting lives of two Japanese tourists and the locals of Littlerock, California. As I wrote at the time, Littlerock feature's an "evocative sense of place mere minutes into its short running time, but a pair of strange lead performances dulls the experience ... cinematographer Carl McLaughlin (also a co-writer) is the real star of Littlerock, as it latches on to the sights of America that so endear it to many travellers", so I was surprised to discover that Ott has made a sequel. Pearblossom Hwy should not - I repeat, should not - be confused, however, with the "twisted and sexy new vampire flick" starring Sophie Monk, called Pearblossom. I'm glad we got that straight!

Of all the original films from 2011 to get a sequel, this was one of the most unlikely candidates. And yet he were are with a fabulous new poster and intriguing trailer for Pearblossom Hwy. In the 90 seconds that this trailer plays I can tell that Ott's visual style and skills at picking wonderfully textured locations is still alive and well - even the title conjures some fantastic images - but returning actors Cory Zacharia and co-writer Atsuko Okatsuka are still there and if I ever do get the chance to see Pearblossom Hwy I do hope they've improved upon their performances, which were the original film's most problematic asset. Their characters appear to have slid from small town nobodies to big town casualties, like some sort of twist on Mulholland Drive's Los Angeles-set nightmare. Despite my misgivings to Littlerock, I can't help but be intrigued once more by the prospect of Pearblossom Hwy. More of the same or a richer sequel? We'll find out eventually, I suppose.

Pearblossom Hwy - Trailer from Small Form Films on Vimeo.

Oh, and this one apparently has Stephen Tobolowski in it. Yet another surprise, really.

So! Upon seeing the posted entry it turns out the film's production company - Small Form Films if you must know - don't actually want you to see the trailer anywhere else but on their Vimeo page. Good job, obscure film production company! Good job!

None of These Women are "Expecting"

2012-01-28T12:15:00.000+11:00

These are awful.

"I shoved a basketball up my dress in between putting on all this make-up and having all that sex."

"See, if I hold this fake baby stomach like this it looks like I just came from a Jane Fonda Workout for Mommies class."

"When I invert my body like this it kinda looks like I'm actually preggers. Never mind that though, pregnancy sucks, but atleast I had time to do my hair up like a Texan football mom!"

"No really, I'm not pregnant. Do I look pregnant to you? Because I'm not. I'm not going to stand side on just so you can look at me pretending to be fat when I'm not actually fat. Do these eyebrows make me look pregnant?"

"I'm so full from that chicken salad, I could barf."
Those were awful.

Review: J. Edgar

2012-01-27T11:58:00.000+11:00

J. Edgar

Dir. Clint Eastwood

Country: USA

Aus Rating: M15+

Running Time: 137mins

Hounded at every turn by a smothering mother, unable to freely express his love for a male co-worker in a conservative political landscape, disrespected by colleagues, and prone to bouts of cowardice at moments that called for heroics; it’s easy to assume that J Edgar Hoover lived a very sad life. None of that compares, however, to how drearily sad the film of his life, J. Edgar, is. Clint Eastwood directs his expansive tale with a wash of drab colours – the brown colour palate of Tomas Alfredson’s Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy looks positively lively compared to the metallic near monochrome colour scheme of Eastwood and cinematographer Tom Stern – and a never-ending heavy-handedness. It’s Eastwood’s second film in a year that has been suffocated at the hands of grand ambitions that failed to materialise when a more intimate approach probably would have worked better.

Coming hot on the heals of the improbable box office success of Phyllida Lloyd’s The Iron Lady, J. Edgar takes a near identical flashback heavy approach to the life of Hoover, rather lazily played here by Leonardo DiCaprio, as an older, frail man looks back over his life. While it thankfully doesn’t use that terrible Margaret Thatcher biopic’s absurd ghost motif to get from one Wikipedia entry heading to the next, it does haphazardly jump around through time and space as if at whim with little thought as to how one memory leads to another. Why do the people in these sorts of films always have such perfectly linear, chronological memory?

As if the dour cinematography, lit seemingly only by low watt lamps and natural light filtered through grey skies, Eastwood’s twinkly jingle jangle score would certainly put a sour mood over the proceedings. Perhaps he is to be commended for eschewing the traditional overwrought John Williams type of music, but those same incessant piano keys getting stroked over and over again like some villainous cat is nigh on nauseating.

Of course, as tends to happen with films of this type, really interesting stuff is either glossed over or chucked out altogether. The screenplay by Dustin Lance Black (re-using his Milk structure to diminishing returns) appears to be trying to have it both ways, dotting the script with big grand moments of historical significance alongside small scenes between Edgar and his mother, played by Judi Dench on Autopilot, and his alleged lover and Associate FBI director, a wide-eyed Armie Hammer as Clyde Tolson. Rarely complimenting each other in any way, I couldn’t help but suspect there was more interesting stuff to be said, especially since the private sequences are quite clearly just pulled out of thin air. Where was the public’s reaction to his private life? Where was the motivation behind the loyalty of Naomi Watts’ Helen Gandy? The list could go on and on. Meanwhile, a sequence addresses rumours of a fondness for cross-dressing is doesn’t feel like an organic part of the story at all, just merely tacked on for effect.

Too long, for sure, Eastwood and his editors, Joel Cox and Gary Roach, could have made the near two and a half hour length much less unwieldy by cutting out the unnecessarily repetitive scenes of Hoover recounting his memoirs to an eager fellow FBI agent (who puts new meaning to the term “paper pusher”). As DiCaprio’s heavily made-up elderly Hoover extols blank cheque platitudes about democracy, freedom and the fine line between right and wrong, it’s hard not to find the eyes rolling (or, even worse, drooping). Featuring some downright frightening make-up work on Armie Hammer – looking like some scary pod person from whence an alien entity is soon to burst free – and some truly ridiculous political impersonation – Christopher Shyer as Richard Nixon is just off the chart bad – gives J. Edgar an at times comical edge. Although I probably would have preferred some good ol’ fashioned hoots, Eastwood’s film is too much of a sad sack to let us even have that. The life of what the posters tell us is “the most powerful man in the world” has been filtered through so many sieves that it’s rendered dull. D-

Unfortunate Moments in Blu-Ray Cover Artwork #57: Sleeping Beauty

2012-01-25T19:26:00.002+11:00

Consider the artwork here for the UK blu-ray release of Julia Leigh's Sleeping Beauty. It uses the beautifully striking, yet hypnotically creepy, imagery of the Australian key art campaign and looks quite sumptuous as you would expect. Emily Browning and Rachael Blake surprisingly share above-the-title billing and they still wiggle Jane Campion's name on there for extra arthouse cred points. Where it all goes horrible wrong is in the selection of critic quotes that line the right hand side of the cover.

"STUNNING", says Total Film, and it's hard to argue with that placement. "POWERFUL", says The Guardian, and as long as it came from a legitimate review (oh hai Surviving Georgia, when's your DVD coming out?) then why not include a quote like that from such a known publication. Empire even calls it "MESMERISING AND HYPNOTIC", and since I have already trotted out the word hypnotic in the opening paragraph, I think we can all agree that I agree with such a sentiment. Still, the one that really irks me is... well, take a look for yourself and find out.

Talk about unfortunate positioning!

Sitting right underneath the tagline that read "What happens while she sleeps..." is a quote from Elle Magazine that reads "A JOY TO WATCH". I think I speak for everybody here when I say whaa....?!? Sleeping Beauty is, after all, a film about a girl who is drugged by a high class brothel den mother and promptly fondled by elderly gentlemen as she lays unconscious in bed, her naked body exposed for all to see. Despite the curious context of the quote in general - a great movie it is, but "a joy to watch" it is not - it's placement right under that tagline is simply horrendous. Who allowed that past? Leigh's film doesn't shy away from what happens when she sleeps; we see it all. We see the feeble older gentlemen completely starkers as they haphazardly flop this petite woman around the ornate bedroom as they try to wake up this sleeping beauty in some misguided attempt to reclaim their manhood. What goes on while she sleeps is not a joy to watch, in fact it's quite disturbing and troubling. I haven't read the Elle Magazine review that this quote is from, but I'm too concerned by it to do so. That the UK DVD distributor didn't think to recognise the inappropriateness of the quote and where it sat amongst the design is just as bad.

Joy to the world!

And then, of course, there is that (surely) strategically placed blu-ray logo in the small of Emily Browning's back. Someone's clearly have a laugh, yeah?

We Need to Talk About Katniss

2012-01-24T12:53:00.000+11:00

Two things went through my mind when I saw this newly released poster for The Hunger Games. The first was that it reminded me an awful lot of both King Arthur (the Keira Knightley version from 2004) and Robin Hood (the Russell Crowe version of who cares that movie was terrible). The second was "archery. who knew?" Between this and We Need to Talk About Kevin, bows and arrows are becoming quite the violent piece of weaponry for modern day warfare.

Now, I haven't read any of The Hunger Games books so my knowledge of what the hell it's all about is limited, but I think I can gather that it's like Running Man with teenagers? Running Man meets Battle Royale, perhaps? Am I close? I know the cast are all too ridiculously good looking to be traipsing about the forest shooting at each other with arrows at each other, but at least the the pictures I've seen seem to imply it's going to theatrical verging on camp, which we love around here. Anything to be different from the mundane, vanilla look of so many other films aimed at that target audience.

Still, why is she called "Katniss"? Really. Every time I see it I read it as "Catnip" and that's probably not what the author intended, yeah?

(By the way - it's too hot right now to really do much so you might have to fend for yourself until I can summon enough energy to do anything.)

Review: Weekend

2012-01-23T18:44:00.000+11:00

Weekend

Dir. Andrew Haigh

Country: UK

Aus Rating: MA15+

Running Time: 97mins

The mechanics of a one-night stand are explored in Weekend, the engaging sophomore feature of Andrew Haigh. Where this low budget British feature differs from the majority of films with similar premises is that both parties involved are men. However, to simply call it “a gay movie” would commit it a great disservice as the fragmented kaleidoscope of fleeting romantic pains and pleasures should resonate with gay and straight audiences in equal measure. Haigh and his lead actors, the superb Tom Cullen and Chris New, have created a richly textured navigation of modern day romance that never fails to pull powerful, human emotions out of its minimal, boutique setup.

Read the rest at Trespass Mag
A film that only grows in memory as time goes by, I really do hope Weekend finds some ounce of success at the Australian box office. Doubtful, but I hope so. The success of the film was only strengthened by a recent watch of Thomas Bezucha's Big Eden. Released in 2000, this film was naturally acclaimed by gay audiences, but I couldn't help but find the film a somewhat bizarre and deflating sit. I was initially impressed by the mere fact that it looked like it was filmed using a real cinematographer with an actual camera that cost money - what a novel idea - and that the music wasn't bouncy, pseudo porn soundtrack music, but real music that sounded like it was recorded in a studio with instruments. As nice as it was to see a gay romance storyline play out between actors like Arye Gross and Eric Schweig, hardly the typical romantic leads you'll find in gay or straight cinema, the film gives way to unrealistic and cliched plotting that becomes increasingly tiresome. There are characters here that could have been taken in some really interesting directions, but Bezucha, who also wrote the screenplay, lays the sweetness and light on thick with a trowel. As gorgeous as the scenery is, the action going on around it is rather colourless. The ending of Weekend could easily been a horribly cliched affair, but it's played so modestly and with utter realism that they get away with it. Yet, in Big Eden, it's hard not to chuckle when a characters makes the mad dash to the airport to stop the other one leaving. The floorboards creak as it lumbers about its familiar plot developments, whereas Weekend dances and weaves, using our familiarity with the genre tropes as a base to explore the inner turmoils of these characters. They were clearly going for something less artificial than, for example, Eating Out or Another Gay Movie, so why stifle that with cliche and quirk?

Also, while it's not like I think every film with gay characters set in Smalltown, USA should be Boys Don't Cry, I did feel that it was somewhat insensitive in it's naivety to make the town of Big Eden so comfortable with its lead's sexuality. Not one moment of conflict arises out of the situation and as lovely as it would be to live in a world where that is the case, it's just not the case and I found the film's reluctance to even broach the subject somewhat confounding. Big Eden coasts on little more than the belief that audiences - especially an audience made up predominantly of gay men - will want little more from a film than to see two men fall for each other and live happily ever after. Consider Weekend again and think about how much, even if you disliked them, we got to learn about these two men. They had real histories with problems both large and small, their personalities are so clearly defined that their growing romance appears more natural and realistic. There is so little of that in Big Eden as everyone acts like movie characters dealing only with big, cinematic dramas that can be written as easily and broadly as possible (dying dads! coming out! etc!)

Of course, I did enjoy seeing Tim DeKay without a shirt on though and we all know that's one of the most important factors in judging a piece of gay cinema, right?

Right!

It's just a shame his character, by far the most interesting and complex of the lot, was shafted for Schweig whose idea of playing a shy character is to make them as boring and transparent as possible. Ah well. Weekend: A-, but a rewatch will probably shuck away any niggles I had and I'll have to bump it up. Big Eden: C

I Dream of Scream

2012-01-23T14:32:00.001+11:00

It should be of little surprise to learn that Scream pops up in my dreams from time to time. Not necessarily for any real reason, just Sidney, Dewey, Gale and co appearing as if out of nowhere to remind that they are indeed very amazing. That they take up so much of my brain capacity still doesn't quite explain the tangent my brain took me on last night as I dreamt about a mythical Scream 6 - I am assuming the potential plot for the are-they-aren't-they Scream 5 is so blindingly obvious that my subconscious skipped it and immediately moved on to deeper recesses - that involved a Wes Craven's New Nightmare style meta twist to the franchise. That the Scream franchise is already meta enough means little since we know they're willing to do it.

Still, according to my brain, Scream 6 is all about how the Scream franchise is just a movie. Much like "Stab" was the film within the film world of Craven's four films, Scream is now the film within the film and, much like New Nightmare, Ghostface has returned to kill off the real life actors who played the parts. That means Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courteney Cox and everybody else is ripe for the stabbing. Even Anna Paquin, apparently, whose brief role as a foul-mouthed Stab-hater in Scream 4 is enough to earn the mire of this new world Ghostface killer. A snippet of my remembered dream involved her True Blood co-star, Ryan Kwanten, running around covered in blood screaming "WHY DID THEY CAST ANNA PAQUIN?!?" Although do we really need another killer stalking Hollywood sets? As evidenced to the right there, there are people out there already making fan posters and writing fake scripts for later instalments to the franchise, so it's not like I'm the only one taking up their time by envisioning this sort of stuff, okay!

It's all completely ridiculous, of course, but I think it my brain trying to tell me "get on with your Scream to Scream, Scene by Scene project, okay!" to which I can hardly argue. Still, this was all just a funny happening, until I saw this this morning (I'm a little late, but what can ya do?) on Wes Craven's personal Twitter account.

Big spoilers ahead of Scream 4 if you have yet to see it! Shim Jembri doesn't care, but I do!

To me, it makes sense that any possible Scream 5 that may eventually get made (the diminished box office returns of Scream 4 made it less of a certainty, but I'm sure we'll still get one at some point, this is the horror genre) should involve Ghostface's "kill tapes" from Scream 4 making it online and a deranged fan deciding to finish the job. Much debate had been made on Scream franchise forums (yes, of course they exist) as to whether Hayden Panettiere's Kirby Reed had died or not. We knew she'd been seen writhing in a pool of blood, which fits in with the idea that nobody is dead in film and television unless you see their unmoving corpse (and even then...), but Dewey never mentioned her as surviving as he spoke to Jill at her bedside. Given that Jill had spoken of having seen all of her friends murdered at the hand of the "killers", that really did seem like something he would mention. "Hey Jill, your best friend Kirby is still alive after all." Maybe she just took some extra time to revive? Given Scream 4's very high mortality rate, allowing two of the new characters to survive hardly seems unfair (Deputy Judy Hicks being the other, of course).

The reason why all of this is so exciting to us fanatics is that, well, Hayden Panettiere's Kirby was freakin' awesome! Equal parts sass and smarts, with a strangely spunky cropped 'do, Panettiere played her pitch perfectly, and - potential issues of bias to the film aside - she's currently in my personal Best Supporting Actress ballot (alongside the likes of Carey Mulligan, Jessica Chastain, Louise Harris and Vanessa Redgrave). Third sequels to horror franchises rarely ever get a gift as strong as Panettiere's performance. It's a fiercely determined piece of acting, I think, and far stronger than anybody would give her credit for purely due to the reception the film received. Wonderfully mixing the film's tension with comedy, Hayden essentially walked away with the film and gave us Scream fans a true cannon character, which is something Scream 3's newbie characters certainly lacked outside of Jennifer Jolie (who was Gale on meth, basically). Scream: All Stars? She'd be there with bells on.

The Drive Alternative

2012-01-21T15:56:00.001+11:00

What? You didn't think I was going to let this delicious gallery of alternate Drive posters go by without mentioning it. I know it may look like I have Nicolas Winding Refn's Drive on my brain a lot lately - can you blame me? what with it being the best film of 2011, routinely popping up throughout American awards season, and starring Ryan Gosling who is seemingly everywhere except the American awards season. Still, I am extra alert to the film and it's artwork having just purchased a limited edition of this glorious poster. I'm glad I got in when I did because it's now sold out. It's going to look so good on my wall!

That design by James White is far and away the best poster I've seen for Drive. While I liked the initial hot pink on white concept, it didn't quite feel complete. And every subsequent poster since just didn't really have it, you know? All the best posters have been the unofficial ones like White's, which you can see in the blog's banner up the top. So, soon enough, I will have that glorious piece of work hanging on my wall and it's going to look amazing. Still, despite my ambivalence to most of Drive's marketing campaign, I did love seeing the development and the process that this Empire article shows that went into designing the British quad poster for the movie. While I can certainly see why they didn't go with them, there are some interesting designs within. I like the retro one that kicks off the gallery, as it reminded me of the even more retro poster for Carlos that came last year. That was delicious, wasn't it? The Drive one isn't quite as on point as Carlos in getting all the details just right, but it was an appreciated effort nonetheless.

Again, as much as I appreciate the concept, the following designs don't quite gel into a cohesive whole. As they say, if it had been illustrated by the likes of Drew Struzan then everyone would be screaming at how brilliant it is, but as it stands it's too Photoshopped and empty.

As I've already alluded to, I'm not the biggest fan of the final design (right). I love the colours with the neon blue and green, as well as the big, bold title, but Gosling looks far too Photoshopped (where's Emma Stone to recite her dialogue from Crazy, Stupid, Love?) and the typeface is far too boring. I do like the little anecdote about the bag he's holding actually being something the designers added in themselves (that's not Gosling's hand, apparently). Now that I think about it, this poster reminds me of Suburban Mayhem, which is a far better poster so how about you just go look at that one instead.

Click over to Empire to see all the rest.

Dixie Rapper

2012-01-21T14:48:00.000+11:00

Have you been watching Hart of Dixie? It's hardly the most engrossing of television series on at the moment, but it plows the same ground as Men in Trees, which I got enjoyment out of so I keep watching. Hopefully Dixie will improve beyond its Gilmore Girls-without-the-dialogue trappings and become something more, but until then we have this rather baffling "Funny for Die" video. Featuring Hart of Dixie star, and former Summer Roberts of The OC, Rachel Bilson in character as a rapping doctor, it's... well, it's strange. It's not quite Natalie Portman (there's even a Black Swan joke!), but it's amusing nonetheless. And, plus, it gets bonus points for featuring Bilson's Dixie co-star Wilson Bethel.

Call Me Doctor with Rachel Bilson from Rachel Bilson

Interruping Your Regular Programming...

2012-01-18T21:29:00.001+11:00

... for some sexy Chris Evans action. Basically the only reason What's Your Number has to exist are for things like this. Enjoy.

Bring on the blu-ray resolution screencaps, please. Let us all shower Jason at My New Plaid Pants for bringing them to our attention. Mucho appreciated.

I beg of you, don't ever change.

Posters from an Alternate Universe

2012-01-18T17:41:00.001+11:00

By now you have surely already perused this Peter Stuits gallery of alternate universe movie posters. I usually find these sort of things to be fun, but rarely executed in a way that looks as real as these. While I love the idea of James Dean as "The Driver" in a 1950s version of Drive, I think that's almost too obvious (as would Paul Newman a decade later). No, I think Montgomery Clift would actually have made a great lead, don't you? Most of all I love the concepts behind The Hangover, Ghostbusters (with Vincent Price, of course), Avatar and The Fifth Element, but they're all very fun indeed.

New York, New York: My Awards Body Blues

2012-01-17T23:12:00.000+11:00

Look, can we talk for a minute about the Broadcast Film Critics Awards, aka the Critics Choice Movie Awards, aka the Pre-Oscars Oscar Show? I finally got around to watching this show, albeit on fast forward and only stopping for the speeches, and found little to be inspired by. My impression of the group as little more than Oscar-baiting wannabes could hardly be challenged by their straight-faced rewarding of The Help, a film that the critical community hardly heaped effusive and universal acclaim upon, with three statues (granted, all for well-commended acting, but still...) or the nominations to films like Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and Where Do We Go Now? Still, one category that you'd find trouble faulting was the rewarding of Martin Scorsese with the "music and film" award. Seemingly apropos of nothing, although in the same year that he won a prize for George Harrison: Living in the Material World, if you're going to award anybody for the way the integrate music with motion pictures then you could hardly find a worthier choice (at least amongst the narrow field of people this organisation would be willing to bequeath airtime to).

However, as I watched the pre-speech clip reel I couldn't help but be sorely disappointed that one of Scorsese's - and, it must be said, cinema in general - finest moments was omitted. The maligned 1977 musical New York, New York was given oh but the briefest of shots amongst the clips of The Aviator, Hugo, Gangs of New York and every other Scorsese film imaginable whether they had important, integral, culturally significant music selections or not. I admit to being far more favourable to the infamous New York, New York than most others, but then I routinely find myself on a different wavelength with Scorsese's pictures to most. Hell, I think his latest, the Parisian childhood adventure Hugo is Marty's best work since The Age of Innocence (give or take The Aviator) so I know most of y'all probably won't take my opinions on the man all too seriously. Still, even if you hate (or, as in the case with most people, haven't even seen) New York, New York how can one choose not to include it amongst a montage of the director's finest musical moments? Unless Bob Dylan decided to strum a few bars in his performance, which I obviously pressed the fast forward button on, then it was left out in the tribute, which had little context.

New York, New York starred Robert DeNiro and ~~Judy Garland~~ Liza Minnelli impersonating Judy Garland in a tale of lovers whose opposing musical directions take them into tragic territory. It's messy, sure, but agile and spirited with Minnelli giving a sort of brilliant performance. The artifice that Scorsese lacquers on is not too dissimilar to Steven Spielberg's recent War Horse, except here it's a director truly experimenting and daring himself to do something he's never done before. The big climax is a breathtaking rendition of (the original, might I add, but sadly ignored by the Academy's original song category) "Theme from New York, New York" by Minnelli. Written by the famous duo of John Kander and Fred Ebb, the song would go on to become one of the most famous songs in the world as versions by Minnelli and Frank Sinatra both became standards.

So why the ignoring of it, one of the most definitive pop cultural moments that Scorsese has ever been involved with, in a package that was supposed to be so specifically tuned to his achievements at blending cinema with music. Were the BCFA's shoes wanting to stray? As critics, they should know well and good not to base opinion of a film on what was spoken about it at time of release. Granted, New York, New York leans much closer to the feminine side of Scorsese's filmography alongside Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore, The Age of Innocence and The Aviator, but even the most manly of men can get a bit damp in the eye and dry in the throat over Liza's song so it's exclusion can hardly be put down to "it's a bit too gay" or whatever reductive thought could come from such detours of the brain. I mean, hear and see the crowd's reaction in this live performance (I assume at the opening ceremony of the Olympics? I'm not too sure) to see what I mean.

Basically, the BFCA are awful and pander to the general consensus both in their awards and in their summation of this man's career. That I know of a few members who are smart, unique and erudite means little when the end results speak as beige as they do. I obviously think you could do far worse than watch New York, New York (must watch the extended version featuring the infamous "Happy Endings" sequence), but I know it's place as a famous flop does little to encourage, especially when a critics organisation can't even be bothered remembering it (oh, but Daniel Day-Lewis tapping his glass eye in Gangs of New York? So music oriented!!) Oh well. They can keep their Bob Dylan as long as I get Liza. Fair trade, I say.

Don't toast the BFCA, Kirsten. They forgot about you, too!

I Want... 15 Thoughts from The Golden Globes

2012-01-17T18:46:00.001+11:00

The Golden Globes! You either love them in spite of themselves, or you hate them. Every year people watch them expecting them to change and then somehow feign shock when they give a statue to Madonna or when they prefer one movie to another (like every other awards organisation known to mankind). Every year in the lead up there are articles about how dodgy the organisation is and, well, who can argue with them except to maybe point them in the direction of this Slate article that at least points to some of the Hollywood Foreign Press' finer moments (and let's not forget when their starfuckery allows them to nominate Nicole Kidman for Birth!) Sure, they're hardly the greatest organisation known to man, but I'll take them over the Broadcast Film Critics Association any day of the week (more on them soon) who, quite literally, have no other reason to exist than to predict Oscars. The Golden Globes' reason to exist is to see hundreds of celebrities in one place whilst simultaneously hoping they get drunk and make balls of themselves on national TV in between occasionally handing out some awards.

After yesterday's show I learnt a few things and thought I would share. I'm giving like that, you see.

I want... an alien invasion film starring alien goddess herself, Tilda Swinton! Just imagine it! We've seen so many alien invasion movies over the history of cinema - and these last few years in particular - but never has one of them actually starred Tilda Swinton who is an actual alien goddess from an intergalactic dimension. Which one she's from I am not entirely sure since our puny human brains can't comprehend their native language, but I'm sure somebody in Hollywood's script-writing circles can come up with a good name for it. In the grand scheme of the things, I think I'd rather Earth be overtaken by a galaxy-hopping band of Swintonites with their immaculately coiffed hair and delicately dressed bodies that would most certainly float about as if walking on air. Better than Battle: Los Angeles, surely.

I want... Michael Fassbender. Aka Michael Fassboner. Aka we've already seen his dick so the constant jokes about it being the size of War Horse are a touch off base, but it's still fun to hear a man's genitals so opening discussed in pop culture rather than merely the size of a woman's breasts. Sure, it's reversed objectification, but we are only human and gawking at pretty people is surely just a part of our DNA. And, hey, if it's good for George Clooney...

At least Michael here is having fun with it. You bite that finger, Michael.

I want... this hilarious accidental Charlie's Angels snapshot to become "a thing". It's cute and funny and even though I have no idea who the lady in yellow is, I just love the way she accidentally posed in front of one of the red carpet helpers (a better job than a Christmas time Santa helper since you at least get to wear nicer clothes? other than that I can't figure how that job is any less demeaning) and that both of them look like they're gunning for Charlie's Angels 4.0 - I never saw the recent Charlie's Angels reboot series, but heard it was entirely deserving of being axed/nominated for Best Musical/Comedy at the Globes. She chin modelling, the other swiping away a strand of hair. It's Charlie's Angels or a really lame romantic comedy, one of the two.

I want... more Sofia Vergara. Like, in everything. She is clearly best in show on Modern Family (although let's not forget Julie Bowen, who I was so glad won the Emmy last year because that sort of straight man performance can go criminally ignored and unrewarded - still, why hasn't Vergara won one yet?) and at yesterday's event (and many times prior) proved that she has the ability to pull that personality out of a hat at any given moment. The speech she helped give for the series' win in Best Comedy Series was one of the very, very few speech jokes that actually worked. Plus: this

I just love how completely unphased she is by everything and continues to be a big ol' elastic dork. She and Charlize Theron had such great, overflowing personalities during the awards red carpet and subsequent show (even with Theron suffering from laryngitis!) that it's hard to imagine how anyone could find the likes of Rooney Mara interesting when these two are within a million miles.

I want... this Gerard Butler in a romantic comedy. Not the mean-spirited, badly American accented, misogynistic Gerard Butler that we got in The Ugly Truth, but the sexy, fun, somewhat charming Gerard Butler that he's showing off in this photo. I mean, we all know he's got a bit of oomph with his clothes off, but yesterday he was looking quite swank with the beard and the curly hair and the three-piece tuxedo. Should I be wanting to see this Machine Gun Preacher movie? I doubt it, but maybe with that and Coriolanus, Butler's own attitude to his career is changing and that is always a good thing. Don't let dumb American romcoms and burly action films that all "it" actors get given define your career, Gerard!

Bitches, please!
Perhaps I'm alone on this, but a beard and curly hair combo will get me nearly every time (see also further down the list as well as the unseen Bradley Cooper).

I want... a Michelle Williams and Busy Phillips buddy comedy! Think Dick (oh hush up!), but even better! Actually, put her Dick co-star, Kirsten Dunst, in all of Williams' upcoming dramatic movies (she proved she's up to the task with Melancholia) and put Williams in something bubbly and comedic that Dunst is more likely to veer towards. Assign Busy Phillips as her new co-star and voila, movie magic! The best thing to ever come out of Michelle Williams receiving an awards nomination is that she will inevitably bring Busy Phillips along as her plus one, and for that we should be eternally grateful. Busy is Amaze, as Joe Reid put it on Twitter, "pulling focus in all background shots."

Please bring back Cougar Town, y'all! What! Whaaat!

I want... Laura Dern cast in more things. Like, basically anything. I will take Laura Dern in ANYTHING! I haven't even seen any of this Enlightened program and I squealed when her name was announced as the winner of Best Actress in a Comedy Series (or whatever the Globes' ridiculously long category name is). She is always good value, whether its as unofficial David Lynch muse (Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, INLAND EMPIRE), in thorny arthouse titles (Citizen Ruth, We Don't Live Here Anymore, Year of the Dog), big budget blockbusters (Jurassic Park), family fare (October Sky), icy political biopic (another Golden Globe-winning performance in Recount), or any of her other roles (hey, remember her on Ellen?!). One of the awards' highlights was watching Dern's mother, her Wild at Heart and Enlightened co-star Diane Ladd, getting very emotional seeing her daughter on stage.

And, hey, if she shows up to awards shows looking like she did yesterday then please nominate her every single year! Christmas tree gif courtesy of The Film Experience. THE FACE!

I want... Ewan McGregor. No explanation necessary, right? RIGHT?!?! Words, there are none. Don't even try, 'cause he's still got it.

Even now. Still. Never quit.

I want... Seth Rogen. Sorry, I do. I can't help it, I just can't. It's the curly hair, the glasses, the scruff, the laugh, the "hysterical comedy" quip about My Week With Marilyn... all of it, you guys! Inappropriate boner gag included. Seth Rogen in a three-piece suit was at least partly why I enjoyed The Green Hornet so much (partly! PARTLY!). There's just something so adorably about him and I look forward to seeing him in 50/50 and Take This Waltz in 2012.

I want... Jessica Chastain and Melissa Leo to co-star as a mother-daughter Texan trailer trash pair who "done good", but still can't shake their pasts. Of course, Chastain must have the same hair that she wore down the red carpet yesterday and Leo must be as bizarrely coiffed as she was at the 2008 Academy Awards when she was nominated for Frozen River. It'll be big hair paradise and we know they can do unshakeable trash (The Help, The Fighter)!

Either that or Jessica Chastain can just star in a comedy Fergie!: Dutchess of Yorkshire Puddings as Sarah Ferguson. You just know if that particular biopic was ever made that it would have to be a comedy. No way could they Iron Lady out that doozy of a story into anything remotely close to being a drama.

I want... Jean Dujardin! Yeah, yeah, but he is a charm factory! It's like a box factory, but instead of plain ol' brown cardboard boxes he makes boxes that when you open them they spill glitter and shiny things all over the place and then you get a bit annoyed because you have to vacuum that shit up, but still enjoy the sentiment. Which is basically my completely ridiculous analogical way of saying that I totally get what The Artist is all about and I appreciate it for that, but there are still quibbles to be had (mostly the second act). Still, I cannot fault Jean Dujardin who is a charm fac... wait, I've said that already. Anyway, he's super adorable and that speech probably went a great deal of the way to put him in at least joint second for the Oscar (with Brad Pitt, Clooney is still - depressingly - out front, I reckon). That silent speech gag was a treat! Any time he wants to use that "too expressive" face near me is a-okay!

I want... these three women to get the credit their outfits demand.

Jamie Bell was right, Evan Rachel Wood did stun!

In regards to fashion, I was also a fan of Laura Dern, Emma Stone, Tilda Swinton, Viola Davis, Emily Blunt (who didn't walk the red carpet as far as I can tell, but looked amaze in a canary yellow sequin number), Madeleine Stowe, Octavia Spencer, Salma Heyak (or, at least, the skirt), Madonna, Tina Fey, Sofia Vergara (loved the texture to that mermaid tail), Nicole Kidman, Sarah Michelle Gellar (an unpopular choice, sure, but I dug it), Angelina Jolie (love the bold splash of colour that brings your attention to her face and not, say, her arse or left leg or whatever) and Kate Winslet.

I want... more shout outs to the likes of Mia Wasikowska (Jane Eyre) and Adepero Oduye (Pariah) by the likes of Meryl Streep. So much more deserving than George Clooney yet again talking about just how gosh darn great Brad Pitt. If he's so great, how about you go back in time and tell the Globe voters to vote for him instead of you. I mean, Moneyball is a far better film than The Descendants by a long, wide margin and Pitt is much better, effortlessly so which probably explains the reason why Moneyball hasn't become his own Erin Brockovich, than Clooney, too. Basically, The Descendants and The Iron Lady are so incredibly shit that even their winners can't help but give props to other more deserving candidates. I feel like I've gone off track with this one and since I didn't like what Meryl was wearing, I will not include a picture.

I want... more of this at awards shows!

Viola Davis thanking the waiter for topping up her champagne was one of the highlights of the event. And, if I remember correctly, this was before her category was even announced so had she won we would have hopefully had a funny, somewhat drunken speech to go alongside the elegant, eloquent speech she gave the Critics Choice awards just a few days earlier.

I want... more of this while we're at it!

Can these two make a movie together that's not, ya know, Baby Mama or whatever that shite was. Actually, can Tina Fey just try and make a movie as good as Mean Girls again? Remember that? That was fun.

I want(ed)... Ryan Gosling. He was apparently swanning about some foreign country filming a movie, but I wanted him in my ~~bedroom~~ TV set. In a day full of upsetting and depressing events (The Descendants, Ricky Gervais back on TV, Elton John, etc) he would have been a bright star. Alas, not even two nominations could convince him to hop back over the pond and attend the soiree and dazzle us with his impeccable dress code and good looks. Basically, worst Golden Globes ever!

Ryan Gosling... too cool for ~~school~~ the Golden Globe Awards.

Rejected by Warren Beatty

2012-01-13T16:33:00.001+11:00

The things one can find on the internet, I swear!

Whilst searching for something rather simple - I was investigating where Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer would make the first Best Actress/Best Supporting Actress winners of the same film since Moonstruck in 1987 (for reason reason I spaced on The Piano and Shakespeare in Love) - I found myself coming across a website called TV Party. Obviously a relic from an earlier time, this website ran a few pieces by Billy Ingram on rejected movie poster artworks. You'll easily forgive and forget the website's design when you read some of the wonderful factoids behind the creations of famous posters like JFK (original designer replaced by Drew Struzan's son), Boomerang (Eddie Murphy wanted to be as James Bond-ian as possible) and The Prince Tides ("It looks like Barbra Streisand and her pet head!") amongst others. I'd really love to see the mock up The Firm poster that is discussed in this piece that had star Tom Cruise fuming and attacking it. Doesn't that just sound hilarious?

I particularly enjoyed reading the pieces on the posters for Normal Jewison's fabulous 1987 romantic comedy, Moonstruck. I consider the final design by Olga Kaljakan of Cher as she dances in front of a nighttime bespeckled New York City skyline to be one of the very best posters ever made and one of the most purely joyful pieces of imagery I can think of. It's interesting then to see two designs that we could very well had been stuck with. One is a take on the ol' giant floating head aesthetic, while another is, as the website calls it, Moonstrucktheearth! New York skyline remains in tact, as it bloody well should!

Final | Rejected | Rejected

That picture of Cher on the final poster (from a location shoot in Central Park by Annie Leibovitz) is actually three different photos combined. The head, the torso and arms, & the skirt and legs all came from separate shots.

Designing movie posters for a living in the late eighties/early nineties was very much like being back in kindergarten. Before computers became practical for daily graphics use, a typical poster designer would spend all day painting, drawing, xeroxing, rubbing down type, cutting out pretty pictures of movie stars and pasting them together with spray mount into a collage - all the while dealing with a room full of spoiled, petulant brats fighting over the glue and pictures. It was fun.

The most fascinating story is, as I'm sure you'll agree, the behind the scenes story of Barry Levinson's Bugsy. Produced and starring Warren Beatty, you can kind of get an idea of where it's going, but the usual perfectionist hijinx that you would expect from Beatty sounds absolutely absurd regarding the poster of Bugsy.

Rejected | Final | For Your Consideration

Hundreds of comps were created for 'Bugsy' over the course of three months, millions of dollars were spent, marriages were shattered and several people nearly died pulling all-nighters to come up with just the poster for Warren Beatty's gangster movie.

bugsy poster artOn these comps, we see Annette Bening, shot by Bruce Weber, prancing around the desert in a gold-lame dress. The nice thing about designing movie posters is working with great unit photography and incredible special shoot material by the world's finest photographers. Herb Ritts, Bruce Weber, Annie Leibovitz and George Hurrell were all brought in to do special photo shoots for 'Bugsy'.

...

After rejecting probably a thousand concepts for the poster (from several different agencies), art directors eventually ran out of viable ideas. We even desperately submitted Warren and Annette standing in front of dozens of dead bodies stacked up in the desert to resemble the Las Vegas skyline.

In the end, Tri-Star went with a tasteful Herb Ritts photo and a simple type treatment.

The reject Bugsy poster featured here, Beatty's preferred version with the glasses and a "prancing" Annette Bening, is definitely my favourite.

The one last poster featured that I want to discuss is the poster for Other People's Money, which the article's writer mentions was lucky enough to have Annie Leibovitz do a photoshoot with its cast, but then dumped everything from that session and replaced it with the design you can see below.

Final | Rejected Photoshoot
Naturally - as I am want to do - I recalled this piece on Desperately Seeking Susan that I wrote about a while back and how that film's iconic imagery was created purely by accident of its castmembers being in the same room as one another. Magic can happen.

One of the reasons I liked the Bridesmaids poster so much was that it was obvious all six ladies were in the same room as each other. Sometimes I'd prefer the cast members merely being in the same hemisphere! As evidenced by the picture featured to the left, the women of the cast actually assembled on a set and allowed a photographer to take photos of them - how novel! It's constantly baffling that films like this so rarely utilise this device when, ya know, they had to have been on set together at some point, right? The most egregious example of this that I can think of from recent years was the Rob Marshall-directed adaptation of Nine. There are scenes featured within where the film's mammoth cast of Oscar-feted actors - Daniel Day Lewis, Nicole Kidman, Judi Dench, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren and Kate Hudson amongst them - are all together and interacting with one another. The very first still released to media was of the entire cast (let's not forget Fergie!) grouped together for crying out loud! I know they all have busy lives, but shouldn't the way a film is marketed be part of that job? Taking a few roles of film to be used on a poster doesn't seem like too hard of a task to muster up some enthusiasm for, does it? Especially since the way a film is marketed directed correlates to whether it's a hit or not and they all wanted a hit, didn't they? I doubt they made Nine for the good times on set. In the end we got shit like this.

Read the article pieces part one, two, three and four. It's great fun.

"Isabelle Huppert is the poor man's Katherine Heigl"

2012-01-11T19:00:00.000+11:00

Don't worry, I haven't gone completely insane. No, that quote in the headline is merely a joke comment made in one of the many hilarious Twitter exchanges I find myself intertwined with. Between myself, Mathieu Ravier, Transmission film distribution and good mate Simon we found us jokingly inventing a new romantic comedy directed by Austrian loon Michael Haneke and starring Isabelle Huppert. Can't you just see it now? It'd be like The Ugly Truth, but really, really ugly. Like, you won't see Katherine Heigl slice off her genitals with a razor blade in one of her movies, although they may give you the desire to.

But seriously, it's great that Australia has distributors like Transmission (and Madman, Umbrella, Potential, etc etc) that are willing to release product like this. Australia may still be a country where nobody - NOBODY! - wants to release Lena Dunham's Tiny Furniture, but at least the auteurs will always have a home. Although, if Haneke makes a movie like the one described above we may need to have a quiet word...

Review: The Descendants

2012-01-11T15:43:00.000+11:00

The Descendants

Dir. Alexander Payne

Year: 2011

Aus Rating: M15+

Running Time: 115mins

I don’t think co-writer/director Alexander Payne always had disdain for women. Citizen Ruth and Election didn’t exactly have lovable women at their core, but they were well-rounded, flawed, complex women who were doing what they felt they had to do to survive. In those intervening years – he also directed About Schmidt and won an Oscar for Sideways – something must have happened (perhaps his divorce?) because The Descendants is an exercise in why women are such horrible, despicable shrews. When this film isn’t demonising its female characters for daring to be unhappy in their marriage, it’s condescending them for showing too much emotion and even berating them for drinking alcohol. By the time the film’s conclusion rolls about and the rightful masculine presence has been reinstated on this broken family, The Descendants has long – ahem – descended into an irredeemably dire affair.

Read the rest at Trespass Magazine
So, basically, I didn't like it. I'm truly flabbergasted that it has trailed such a blaze throughout the US awards season. Or, actually, maybe I'm not all that flabbergasted because The Descendants fits very comfortably into that safe territory of American "indies" that people seem to wet themselves over. It's easily comparable to titles like Little Miss Sunshine and Juno in the way it juggles drama and comedy and can make people feel all warm and cuddly by knowing they're supporting "arthouse cinema", but unlike those films it's actually really, really bad. I didn't have enough words to really discuss some of the other troubling aspects of the film - the weak as piss character development that sees Shailene Woodley's daughter character have a cry in the pool and instantly become daddy's BFF, or the weird way Clooney's character takes his 10-year-old daughter away from her mother who has had her life support turned off and is about to die! - but I think I was able to demonstrate my major qualms with Payne's film.

As for the awards? Well, I don't think it has any right being in the discussion for best picture, director (what whitewashed direction Payne provides!) and screenplay. Clooney is Clooney and while his narration is toxic, he does at least try to enliven the proceedings with a roster of "wacky" faces. Shailene Woodley, looking like a definite possibility for Best Supporting Actress is... well, I can see why because she's quite good and is actually able to forge through with some peaks and valleys, but as the eloquent Nick Davis recently opined - where, I unfortunately cannot remember - if Academy voters cannot find five better, further reaching supporting female performances from 2011 then they simply are not looking hard enough. She's a gorgeous and talented young actress, so it would be a shame to see her nominated for a role that is so uninterested with itself. The screenplay does nothing for Woodley, who plays the rebellious daughter who got sent away to a reform school. In the grand scheme of things she seems rather docile as teenagers go. Some curse words don't make angst. Ah well. I guess all I can hope for is an Up in the Air style across-the-board loss ratio by the time Oscar statues are handed out in late February. Oscar loves his women, so why embrace a film that hates them?

The Best (and Worst) Posters of 2011: Part III

2012-01-09T21:54:00.001+11:00

To find the top 50 lists of the best and the worst click the appropriate links.

Worst Wax-Like Male AND Female Photoshop:
Trespass

Last year this category was divided into the sexes because, I felt, the men were getting away with Photoshop murder in the face of people's hatred for another female-led movie. This year there was so much botched botox/wax figurine Photoshop that I had to smoosh the categories together. I could have easily went with another Nicolas Cage movie, Drive Angry 3D, but it felt more appropriate to choose the poster that appeared on my worst list.

Worst Trend:
Recycled Taglines - The Tree, Wuthering Heights, Drive

Brokeback Mountain's "love is a force of nature" tagline from five years back got a workout this year with these British quads for The Tree and Wuthering Heights, but this poster for Drive was also sneaky and re-used the tagline of No Country for Old Men. Sneaky sneaky. Surely these films could come up with something a bit more adventurous and original, no? I get that The Tree and Wuthering Heights are intrinsically about nature, but why be so obvious? As for Drive? That was just lazy since they had even used an alternate tagline on other posters. I'm also sick to death of seeing "An inspiring true story" / "Based on a true story" / "The true story that..." give it a rest!

The "My, What a Big Floating Head You Have" Award for Excellence in Big Floating Heads:
Fright Night

Giant floating heads appeared to take a backseat this year, but never fear there is always at least one major contender to be found! This time it was Colin Farrell's massive smirking fave occupying the place where a sunset would normally be. Why must you take away Anton Yelchin's sunset, Colin? Why?

Most Sexist Poster:
The Sitter

Do I really need to explain this? It's also kinda sad though because in the original - let's face it, The Sitter is a remake of Adventures in Babysitting - Elisabeth Shue's babysitter character winds up taking the children under her care to a blues bar and they must perform a song on stage in order to get away. Here it appears they wind up at a strip club. I shudder to think what they're made to do in that joint!

Worst Case of Receding Poster Quality:
Martha Marcy May Marlene
From & to
So many contenders this year! Incendies, Restless, We Need to Talk About Kevin (those icky "mummy's little monster" quads from the UK!), Scream 4 and The Tree of Life were some of films that had great posters, which were then replaced by duds. It was, however, Martha Marcy May Marlene that had the biggest thud. From the exquisite first two concepts to that giant QR code masquerading as a movie poster, it was all wrong wrong wrong!

Unscariest Poster for a Scary Film:
Dream House

Is there a less scary way to sell your movie than this? Yikes! I get what they were going for, but instead of succeeding it just ends up looking like a poster about A GIANT DOORKNOB! A doorknob so big that you can fit the reflections of three (THREE!) people on it (who that person pretending to be "Naomi Watts" is I haven't the faintest idea), but also make those two girls look extra diminutive. I don't get how this could work in any possible way, but what's kinda what you get from merging two blah posters into one even more blah poster.

Worst "Empty Space" Poster:
Another Happy Day

By all means, market your movie that not many people have heard of and needs all the attention it can get by using an all white design with... I dunno, a guy with a swimming floatie? Huh? How does this sell Another Happy Day in the slightest?

Most Offensive:
Jack & Jill

"It"?

Worst False Advertising:
The Iron Lady

Who knew all these filmmakers slaved for months on a film project that was actually just a giant perfume commercial starring Ita Buttrose?

Funniest WTF? Moment:
Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son

My flatmate can attest to the fits of laughter that I went into when I revisited this poster recently in preparation for these pieces. I laughed so much I went red in the face, but can you blame me? Apart from the dress made of police badges(?), the gun as hairclip(?) thing and the fact that even in make-up that don't look like Martin Lawrence, I think my favourite thing is the Lady Gaga reference in the tagline. I don't know what the entire thing says, which actually makes it even funnier. Are they really trying to use Lady Gaga as a way to sell the third Big Momma's House movie? Really?

Worst Tagline(s):
Okay, so I had to choose two for this. The first (Incendies) is for, as Liz said in the comment section, "the most hilariously over-literal tagline ever" and the second (White Irish Drinkers) for... well, you'll know when you read it.

"THE SEARCH BEGAN
AT THE OPENING OF
THEIR MOTHER'S WILL"

and

"BLOOD IS THICKER THAN BROOKLYN"

:/

The "This Deserves Better" Award:
X-Men: First Class

Really, who authorised these? posters for one of the biggest films of the year and you release these? I hope somebody got fired.

Most Blatant Starfucking Award:
The Descendants (Australian version)

So I guess George Clooney is someone's descendant, yeah?

Most Literal Poster:
The Tree of Life

It's probably fitting that so many of this film's detractors claim it's little more than a collection of beautiful images, since the studio releasing it found little else to market it on. Diminishes the film's value to little more than a slideshow of picturesque imagery with no connecting thread. Trust me, I'm glad they didn't just stick a tree on there - that would have been really literal - but by just using images they paved the way for any argument anybody could have.

Worst Rip-Off:
The Rum Diary

For looking like a dodgy The Hangover spin off that nobody wants and looking very ugly in the process.

Best Saul Bass Impersonation:
Blame

I would have ranked this poster higher in the top 50 if I hadn't have seen the movie. Unfortunately, I have and discovered that the film doesn't really have connection to the poster whatsoever. It's little more than a flashy way of getting the cool kids on board, but doesn't do anything to justify the design. There's nothing particularly retro about the film, nor is there any sense that the filmmakers know about the filmmakers that Saul Bass worked with. Such a shame, really.

Dreamiest Use of Colour:
Here I Am

There were a lot of posters in 2011 that had divine use of colour - We Need to Talk About Kevin's stark greens, Burning Man's almost pulsating and vivid blues and yellows, Bridesmaids' bold pink - but it was Here I Am that struck me the most. That burning orange juxtaposed against the beguiling mother of pearl, a pattern we never see on movie posters, just enveloped me whole.

Best UK Quad (Different to Original Design):
Miss Bala

Love this design. It's smart and pulpy at the same time, deliciously colourful and tells us enough about the film to leave one intrigued.

Best Rip-Off:
We Need to Talk About Kevin

By all means, use Rosemary's Baby as your inspiration. It's not like it's one of the greatest movie posters ever.

Best Use of Indie Money:
Cold Weather

You don't have to chase bland, predictable Hollywood aesthetics to get a foot in the door. In fact, I'd hazard a guess that a movie like Cold Weather got a lot more of attention, at least before people saw it, for its striking poster concept than anything else. It's a great design and a far better use of whatever limited marketing funds they had than a boring poster with stripes or a floating head above the ocean.

Best Tagline:
Scream 4

"New Decade. New Rules."

Succinct, to the point, easy to get and with the right about sly grin.

The "I'm so sorry I forgot to put you on the best of list!" Award:
Young Adult

How on Earth did I leave this one out? I have no idea, but I didn't mean to. It'd be top 20 for sure!

The Hutzpah Award:
Melancholia

It's sad that the behind the scenes names are so rarely seen as actual advertising points (remember when writers and producers were given given marketing prominence than the stars!), so it was a given that I'd adore this poster for Melancholia that includes a picture of writer/director Lars von Trier. Bonus points for the "persona non grata" seal of approval!

Best Poster That Isn't a Real Poster:
Shame

If someone had had the foresight to do this concept for an actual poster rather than a mere newspaper ad then I probably would have claimed it as the best poster of the year. I love the concept and that it ties in perfectly to the material. I obviously loved the bed sheet design enough to put it in my top 50 posters of the year, but this is creative and a little bit dirty. Love it.

Best 'Viral' Posters:
Drive, Insidious, Red State

As far as I am aware, none of these are official studio posters. And yet they're better than anything the studios came up with. Why is that? That Drive poster is one I particularly want for my wall.

The Fourth Annual Showgirls Honourary Award for Brilliance in the Face of Ineptitude in Poster Design:
The Mighty Macs

Really. So bad, yet so funny.

And that's that folks. Let's bring on a new year of gallivanting throughout the magical world of film posters!

Come On, Join the Joy Ride

2012-01-09T19:32:00.000+11:00

I had a curious urge to rewatch the early 2000s car-based thriller, Joy Ride aka Road Kill, last night. Thankfully I own a copy so that was easy enough, but I do always find it funny how the strangest movie-watching whims can overtake my brain sometimes. Released in Australia as Road Kill - presumably the distributor thought that Roxette's "Joyride" was still so engrained in our public consciousness that a film by the same name some ten years later just couldn't make it in the marketplace without people assuming it was Roxette: The Movie? - Joy Ride aka Road Kill is actually a very nifty little thriller, and surely one of the finer efforts in the teen thriller subgenre. Much like how many teen films are actually just famous adult-oriented films with a younger cast (think Disturbia and Rear Window or any Shakespeare adaptation starring Julia Stiles!), Joy Ride aka Road Kill is sort of like Steven Spielberg's exemplary Duel as directed by a fine Hitchcock wannabe (in this case, John Dahl, he of The Last Seduction). In the annals of Hollywood attempts at "Hitchcockian" filmmaking, I doubt Joy Ride aka Road Kill will get much respect - another on-the-road truck thriller, Roadgames, on the other hand is stunning and deservedly gets praise from anyone who sees it - but it actually deserves it. It's a fine piece of tightly wound filmmaking, drenched in the colours of roadside motels and scorching sun and framed with gorgeous widescreen shots, it has enough tricks up its sleeve to make each new scary moment work quite effectively. Marco Beltrami's score yet again echoes his score for Scream and, thus, is very good. It easily rises above Paul Walker's astoundingly bad performance (even by his standard, the early scenes here are dire) and so it's such a shame that it barely registered a blip on the radar at the time. With none of its cast going on to any particularly masterful careers that could lend it to being rediscovered like Spielberg's Duel or Heath Ledger in Ten Things I Hate About You deservedly have, it remains a bit of a forgotten gem.

Of course, there is this scene, which will surely never be forgotten by anybody with eyes and a preference for the male gender.

"Would you like fries with that?"
Straight teenage boys of the 1980s had Phoebe Cates topless poolside, so I think it's acceptable that I had Steve Zahn's naked rear end and boots as a formative part of my teenage years, yeah?

Yeah! Paul Walker's backside ain't too bad either. Ahem.

Selling the film a tad short, however, is cast-member Leelee Sobieski. She of the enduring 'young Helen Hunt' tag and mature-beyond-her-years voice provides one of the three (THREE!) audio commentaries to Joy Ride aka Road Kill's DVD and she describes the above nude scene as "the scene ... where they run naked and that's just the point of the whole film." She also comments that "this is just genius!" and I can't say I disagree! Can we talk about Leelee Sobieski's audio commentary for a moment though? I don't tend to listen to audio commentaries all that often - something about spending upwards of 90 minutes listening to what can really only amount to a lot of nonsense and yawnsome small talk - but I randomly gave this track a go last night because I wasn't tired enough for sleep and thought they might have something comical to say about the nude scene. Alas...

Really, this commentary is truly bonkers. Right off the bat she admits to hoping she doesn't make a commentary that's merely her pointing out what's happening - "that's me and Paul in a car!" she says for instance - so when she instantly does do this I kinda figured she was taking the piss. Before long she's discussing how funny it is that her character is wearing brown underwear because "I don't think anybody wears brown underwear, but I'm going to Brown University at the moment and I think they should manufacture Brown Brown Underwear because I think that would be really funny." O_O and it only gets weirder. I can honestly say I laughed a lot throughout the parts that I watched and it reminded me a lot of the Arnold Schwartzenegger in Total Recall commentary that is so good. Sobieski, at one point, informs us dear listeners "that was a real truck, ladies and gentlemen!" before going into a baffling five-minute long one-sided conversation about corn. Corn this! Corn that! Corn! CORN! I didn't count, but I reckon she said the word "corn" about 100 times during that one scene in the cornfield. Corn! Not too long after that she's discussing her recent trip to Caracas, impersonating Native American tribal chants, wishing she had a horrible ex boyfriend so she could destroy his car, and about how "I find fire to be really, really beautiful... and it's really hot AND CAN BURN YOU!" Leelee's mad, you guys!

"I look really ugly there."
I like that whenever Steve Zahn pops up he doesn't even pretend to have anything insightful to add and instead just impersonates car noises. I guess that sits nicely alongside Leelee impersonating Linda Blair in The Exorcist for some reason (it actually related to how she got cuts from the cornfield and was worried she's look like Reagen!) In the end, I had a hoot watching that audio commentary. Certainly provided far more entertainment than I was ever expecting. Towards the end Leelee apologises for being "hyper" after having drunk some Canadian Dry frappucino like drink and exclaiming "it's always fun to share boob stories!" Indeed it is, Leelee. Indeed it is.

Review: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

2012-01-09T13:39:00.000+11:00

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Dir. David Fincher

Year: 2011

Aus Rating: MA15+

Running Time: 158mins

Director David Fincher takes the reigns of the American adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s “Millennium Trilogy” – or, the first book, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, more specifically. It’s hardly an ambitious move since the 2010 Swedish original had already proven its box-office and pop culture credentials, and whilst Fincher doesn’t exactly blow the original out of the water, he does add enough to make the project feel less like an unnecessary retread than it otherwise may have.

Read the rest at Trespass Magazine
Meanwhile, as I was writing this review I had the soundtrack playing and... can we discuss this for a brief moment? So, Fincher's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is 158 minutes, yeah? So how come the musical score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross is 173 minutes long? Jeepers, that's a bit excessive isn't it? Especially when so many of the musical cues are identical. I ended up deleting two thirds of the album since I just did not need it all on there! Of course I kept "Immigrant Song" by Karen O, which is a great opening credits song choice if ever there was one. Still I don't even know how the original soundtrack is longer than the actual film it accompanies, let alone that works let alone why.

Meanwhile, I'd love to hear Reznor and Ross' take on The Sound of a Dragon Tattoo, a film mash-up that I really want somebody to take the reigns of and create one of those wonderfully inventive fake trailers. Consider that both Robert Wise's The Sound of Music and David Fincher's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo are about women who are held back by a leash, but eventually break free to help a family who seem to seclude themselves away in the countryside alongside a surly male. They both include evil nazis and they both star Christopher Plummer! Somebody? Anybody? Oh, okay then...

She'll Always Come Back

2012-01-06T20:06:00.000+11:00

So, apparently they ("they" = Hollywood, of course) are making plans for a new version of Carrie. This is hardly surprising news given that even when Hollywood thinks they're being original they're still remaking stuff. Take Steven Spielberg's War Horse, which is currently in release? Sure, it's based on a book and a play, but the overriding sense of what that film boils down to is little more than a sorta remake of some John Ford movies with chunks of Gone with the Wind copied wholesale (just with horses in place of humans). Even with a filmmaker like Kimberley Peirce (Boys Don't Cry) supposedly in the director's chair, I doubt there's much hope of this new Carrie coming anywhere close to threatening Brian de Palma's original 1976 film as the definitive adaptation of Stephen King's story. There have been sequels, made-for-TV remakes and even an Off Broadway musicals so it's little surprise that they finally went back to the original well and decided to simply remake it. Still, the news stinks.

Oh, sure, the writers and the director (whether it be Peirce or whoever replaces her, what with the curse that the likes of she, Patty Jenkins, Courtney Hunt and Mary Harron have hanging over them) will claim that they're "going back to the original text" - they already have, claiming it will be "more grounded" whatever that means - but why is that always seen as such a beacon of hope and trust? You know what, Brian de Palma's film probably avoided the original text for a very good reason and it may have something to do with why Stephen King's personally stamped remakes of Carrie and The Shining feel so unnecessary. De Palma, and Stanley Kubrick for arguments sake, found truly cinematic ways to tell King's story. King, on the other hand, seems to suffer from what I call "Harry Potter syndrome", where book adaptations are judged on how much of the book they include rather than how a book is reshaped and molded for cinema. It's like how instead of getting one really great concluding film for the Harry Potter franchise, we got two yeah-okay-they're-good-but-what's-the-point films simply because they didn't have the balls to cut chunks of JK Rowling's prose for fear of pissing off the fans. It's for people who judge a film's worth based on how many of their favourite bits were there and it extends to the marketing as well - "oh my god, this poster includes my fourth favourite secondary character!! best poster ever!!!!" You get the gist.

Still, back to Carrie. While I can't say I was surprised, I certainly didn't greet the news with the same amount as anger as some others. If the project does go ahead then there's one of two end results. One, it's good and who can complain about a good movie? Or, two, it sucks and we all just get another example of why Hollywood's fascination with remakes needs to end. Still, an even bigger reason that I greeted the remake news with such ambivalence was because of this and this and this. These remake ideas of horror classics pop up all the time and while the ratio is still too high for my liking, some serious big names in the genre have had their remakes axed from the Earth. And rightfully so. Carrie will always be around and a remake will probably eventuate at some moment in time, but until it does let's just relax and hope it doesn't go down the route of...

or even

Or maybe they should. Just for the lulz.

The Thingu

2012-01-06T00:24:00.001+11:00

Everyone's favourite childhood television show about a claymation penguin who does little that say "noot noot" with his curiously trumpet-like beak has returned in this fabulous fan-made video. It's Pingu meets John Carpenter's The Thing. I think everyone, at one point in their life, should see their childhood favourites explode into a ball of blood and guts. I hear Humpty Dumpty and Jamima are planning a particularly grizzly take down of The Rocket Clock any day now...

Xanadusiasm

2012-01-04T19:15:00.000+11:00

xanadusiasm
[zan-ah-doo-zee-az-uh'm] noun

A passion for the 1980 musical fantasy, Xanadu, directed by Robert Greenwald ("My xanadusiasm for Xanadu is unmatched!
To be enthusiastic about something of a camp manner ("John had xanadusiasm for the new Cher comeback tour!")
A form of religion devoted to worshipping the work of Olivia Newton John and/or Michael Beck ("I practice Xanadusiasm at The Shrine of Olivia!")

Origin:
1570-80; < Late Latin enthūsiasmus < Greek enthousiasmós, equivalent to enthousí ( a ) possession by a god ( énthous, variant of éntheos having a god within, equivalent to en- en-2 + -thous, -theos god-possessing + -ia y 3 ) + -asmos, variant, after vowel stems, of -ismos -ism
1980-2011; < Xanadu < film of greek gods and muses wearing roller skates alongside Gene Kelly Also, the Mongolian word šanadu or Chinese shangdu (chinese:上都; pinyin: Shàngdū)
See also: Xanadusiast (noun) - Someone with xanadusiasm.
Xanadusiastic (adj) - To go about something in a camp manner reflecting the aesthetic of Xanadu

Synonyms:
Burlesqasm

The Best (and Worst) Posters of 2011 - Part II

2012-01-04T14:41:00.000+11:00

Check out part one, the top 50 posters of the year, by clicking here. Or better yet, look at them after you've looked at the following poster and cleanse your visual palate!

Curating a list of bad posters is, I think, infinitely harder than making one for good posters. When you're good, you're good, and that's no matter your film's genre, budget or any other mitigating circumstances. Bad posters however... well, I feel like I have to take certain things into consideration. It feels particularly meanspirited to rub it in to a movie that barely got an advertising campaign because the distributor had no money to do so, especially when there is mainstream, Hollywood, studio dreck that somehow gets an escalating series of putrid posters. Still, bad posters are bad posters and I think this list balances that out. There are films on the list that found their entire marketing campaigns coming under scrutiny - two films occupy six spots in the top ten! - whilst there are films with posters listed below that also had entries in the best of the year list, which kinda goes to show how off base marketers can be from time to time. The below list is made up of a lot of terrible Photoshop, ugly colours, ludicrous concepts, bizarro world foreign designs, local Australian dogs, ill-conceived visuals and my traditional arch nemesis' stripes. Alas, the giant floating heads in the sky appeared to take a year off in 2011 so that one was one silver lining, yeah?

50. Paranormal Activity 3
49. The Cup
48. The Three Musketeers

47. Source Code
46. Trespass
45. The Green Lantern

44. J. Edgar
43. The Dilemma
42. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

41. Zookeeper
40. Abduction
39. The Descendants

38. Martha Marcy May Marlene
37. The Tree of Life
36. Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star

35. Jack and Jill
34. Scream 4
33. The Iron Lady

32. Dream House
31. Soul Surfer
30. Arthur

29. The Darkest Hour
28. Big Mamma's Boy
27. Return to Zero

26. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
25. The Rite
24. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

23. Courageous
22. Straw Dogs
21. Incendies

20. I Don't Know How She Does It
For its putrid green and bizarre text: However does she find the time to "check email", "vacuum the rug" and "repair shoes"? :/

19. The Triangle Wars
For being an amateur poster of an amateur film.

18. Source Code
For being an iPad commercial for a sci-fi film. For the Photoshop.

17. New Year's Eve
For the golden laziness. For the champagne flutes as characters. For the teeth-decaying sweetness.

16. Something Borrowed
For the ZZZzzzz

15. The Rum Diary
For making Johnny Depp look positively repulsive. For the bizarre Hangover rip-off.

14. Salvation Boulevard
For the I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL THIS IS!

13. A Dangerous Method
For the yikes factor. For turning the sublime transparent white version into a hard-edged, awfully Photoshopped mess.

12. The Mighty Macs
For being HILARIOUS! For being even worse than this design, which simultaneously looks like Jennifer Garner, Hilary Swank, Elisabeth Shue, Kyra Sedgwick and Teri Hatcher before it does Carla Gugino.

11. The Sitter
For the blatant sexism. For being unpleasant.

10. Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son
For the endless wedgie joke. Doubled. For being really, really stupid (why does the son have a framed photo of himself in his bag?) For the weird skinny legs.

9. Atlas Shrugged
For looking like clip art. From Word 2007.

8. And They're off
For having to be on drugs to understand it. For Sean Astin leaning up against a horse's arse. For flipping the names of the actors despite this hardly being a case of "I am Sean Astin, I must be billed first" kinda situation.

7. X-Men: First Class
For the bobblehead syndrome and the afterworld effect.

6. Barney's Version
For looking an assortment of cardboard standees haphazardly arranged. For the screepy Scott Speedman looking at me and yet not...

5. Big Mamma's: Like Father Like Son
For that "wtf?" look on Brandon T Jackson's face. For the golden seal of approval that, even though I can't read it, makes me giggle in a bad way.

4. Quarantine 2: Terminal
For looking like a melted wax statue of Laura Dern. For that vile colour scheme.

3. Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son
For being THE HORROR! OH GAWD, THE HORROR!!! The French are fucked up, y'all.

2. X-Men: First Class
For being a 0_0 of a design/concept/creation. What is this? How did this get the greenlight for a major motion picture? How?

1. X-Men: First Class
For being even worse than the one above. For sticking James McAvoy's face in the silhouette of a wheelchair-bound man's crotch. For looking like a joke and looking like even a kid would reject it. For being the worst of 2011.

What say you, dear readers? Did I forget a truly disastrous eyesore of a poster or do you think I got it pretty spot on? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter.

The Girl with the Ungrateful, Stuck Up Attitude

2012-01-02T23:51:00.000+11:00

It usually takes a bit longer for this to happen, doesn't it?

Seems that the American girl with the dragon tattoo, 26-year-old Rooney Mara, has quite a high opinion of herself. Less than two years after starring in the Samuel Bayer-directed remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Mara has already started the badmouthing of her early career. I guess now that she's appeared in two David Fincher productions - albeit, giving very good performances in each - she feels she's big enough to do this? Seems a bit rich to me, but what would I know about it? Nevertheless, Mara spoke to Entertainment Weekly (quote found via Bloody Disgusting) and had some rather eye-opening things to say.

"You kind of learn to self-sabotage with thing you don't want to get," she tells the magazine. "Sometimes you don't want to get something but you do a really good job and you get in anyway. That's kind of [what happened] with A Nightmare on Elm Street-I didn't even really want it. And then I went in [to audition] and I was like, [whispering] "F---. I definitely got that."

Look, I can understand being disappointed with the way A Nightmare on Elm Street turned out. We all were! It was a complete and utter travesty of a film, but this quote is startling in how completely ridiculous her apparent ego has gotten in such a short span of time. I'm sure her rise from glorified extra in Urban Legends: Bloody Mary to playing second fiddle in lame queer film Dare and then third fiddle in shafted Weinstein comedy Youth in Revolt to star of a a big budget remake of a horror classic was wonderful for her at the time, but if she was so desperate to not get the role in A Nightmare on Elm Street why take it? I'm sure there were plenty of other actresses at the time who would have loved to have been given the chance to resurrect one of the most famous "final girls" of all time.

Of course that's silly though, because every jobbing actor needs a big break and while it's hardly new for actors to chide their past genre appearances, it seems out right egomaniacal to say something like what she's said here. It's a rather unattractive trait, I must say, to see an actor admit right off the bat that they thought not only that they were too good for the part, but that they think their audition was just so good even after they tried to self-sabotage. Get off your damn high horse, Rooney, you ain't no Meryl Streep yet! What would she have been doing with her time instead of filming A Nightmare on Elm Street? I find it hard to believe that a movie like The Social Network would have come her way if the buzz hadn't begun to stir about her due to her Elm Street casting.

Look, I admit to having a bit of a soft spot for when actors embrace their horror pasts and historic failures - Kevin Bacon's continued refusal to acknowledge Friday the 13th is disappointing to say the least - but it's one thing to not like the product and another thing altogether to say you'd rather be waiting tables at a restaurant instead of being given the opportunity to star in a major motion picture like the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Could she not have a bit of humility about the situation and acknowledge the film's failings, but admit it played a part in where she is today? And where she is today is as a Golden Globe-nominated actress who has gotten the chance to work with such cinematic masters as David Fincher, Terrence Malick and Katherine Bigelow. If she could turn back time and not take the role of Nancy in A Nightmare on Elm Street, but instead remain playing roles like "Megan" on a whopping two episodes of E.R., would she? Doubtful.

Rooney Mara appearing as "Classroom Girl #1" in Urban Legend: Bloody Mary. What a gifted performer!
I wonder if the same people who criticised Katherine Heigl for giving similar jabs will take to David Fincher's big discovery with the same knives.

The Best (and Worst) Posters of 2011 - Part I

2012-01-02T13:43:00.001+11:00

I like knowing that I've forged this little niche in blogging about movie posters. I like to think that I'm doing my part for the discussion and appreciation of the artform that I enjoy so much, and that I do so in the face of such flagrant disregard for the process of designing key art for films. I mean, a quick google search will show you that most people who do a similar list to this (usually much shorter) only seem to regurgitate the same few names without even trying to broaden their view. I try to cast as wide a net as possible when i comes to compiling this list, I really do. I search through all the major film festivals to see if any of those difficult titles had some eye-popping designs arrive while I wasn't looking and I try as best as I can to seek out international versions of posters. It's a shame that many truly memorable designs don't get seen until long after a cut off date (a mix of release date shenanigans and general lack of exposure), but I certainly try. The 50 titles below includes several local Australian designs, some films I'd never heard of and that i doubt will ever get any kind of release, teasers and final concepts, and films from America, UK, Thailand, Australia, Japan, France and South Korea. I hope it begins to cover the territory.

Please note that, as always, I have kept the list to films that surfaced this year. None of this 2012 bullshit, yeah? I mean, The Dark Knight Rises' teaser wouldn't have made it on here anyway, but I think it's a bit unfair to titles like Toomelah, If a Tree Falls or L'amour fou to take up space with something that hasn't even been seen by anybody yet. It's bad enough these lovely works of poster design get fobbed off for the likes of Rise of the Planet of the Apes without having to compete with designs for movies nobody has even laid eyes on. Leave that for 2012's list, yeah?

50. Toomelah
49. Archipelago
48. Birthday

47. If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front
46. Snowtown
45. Daydream Nation

44. Tyrannosaur
43. We Need to Talk About Kevin
42. A Dangerous Method

41. Immortals
40. Martha Marcy May Marlene
39. The Skin I Live In

38. Aita
37. L'amour fou
36. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

35. Father's Day
34. Dream Home
33. Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives

32. Hesher
31. Super 8
30. Scream 4

29. Incendies
28. Urbanized
27. Bridesmaids

26. Blame
25. happythankyoumoreplease
24. We Need to Talk About Kevin

23. The Ides of March
22. Septien
21. The Tree of Life

20. Shame
For being smutty without being cheap and crass.

19. Needle
For being playful with the film's plot as well as the poster's own concept. Love the detailing.

18. Weekend
17. Pariah
For embracing the Instagram effect, but doing so with vivid colours and nicely done credit blocks.

16. Albert Nobbs
For actually having some personality, as opposed to the end product.

15. Sleeping Beauty
For being as ornately crafted as the film it's selling. For having the actress actually pose for a poster.

14. A Horrible Way to Die
For teasing the "horrible way to die" through creative typeface.

13. 13 Assassins
For being visually spectacular and a left of centre choice to sell a traditional samurai movie.

12. Meek's Cutoff
For representing the film's more homespun nature. For inventive use of colour and illustration techniques.

11. Martha Marcy May Marlene
For being dark and brooding, alluding to the disintegration of its lead character through text. For evocative colour.

10. Melancholia
For somehow becoming an iconic, striking piece of cinematic imagery. For playing games with film content.

9. Burning Man
For such eye-popping use of colour, framing and imagery.

8. Don't be Afraid of the Dark
For retro chills and tricks of the eye. Size reminds me Aussie daybills and VHS video covers.

7. Cold Weather
For having the balls to do this whole "minimalism" thing for an actual poster. For being better than most of the others. For having a gallery look.

6. One Day
For evoking romance and dancing perilously close to the edge of a perfume commercial.

5. We Need to Talk About Kevin
For its mad gothic vibe, illusions to past classics (hello Rosemary's Baby and I Walk with a Zombie) and impeccable plays of light.

4. Kaboom
For its ribald technicolour. For being as rough-around-the-edges and colourfully wacky as the film it's selling.

3. I Saw the Devil
For giving us but a glimpse of "the devil". For reinventing the text-over-image design concept in a fresh way. For actually scaring me.

2. Jane Eyre
For rich and textured imagery. For those unique colours and a truly painterly central pose.

1. Here I Am
For having the most startling and dreamy use of colour of the year. For the juxtaposition. For the mother of pearl. For the defiance. For the intricate simplicity. For the beauty.

And that's that. We'll hopefully be getting to the worst posters of the year very soon as well as some fun "awards" type of stuff just for kicks. Do you agree/disagree with much of the list? Is any of this surprising? What was your favourite of the year? Do speak up in the comments or on Twitter.

Superheroes, Fairy Tales & a Red Dog: The Top Ten Australian Films of 2011

2011-12-30T17:19:00.000+11:00

You may notice a new banner up the top there of the blog. Well, that's a small nod to 2011 and just three of the films that I remember fondly. If you're interested in a traditional top ten list from me then by all means head on over to Trespass Magazine where I bestow my annual best of the year crown on - and I know this may shock you to your very core - Nicolas Winding Refn's Drive.

... Drive is no laughing matter. With liberal lashings of hot pink and neon green, Refn’s quietly explosive film is a candy-coloured, but black-hearted masterpiece.

That particular list goes by Australia release dates only so you won't find titles like Martha Marcy May Marlene or Weekend, but it does mean that you'll be reminded of the beautiful Rabbit Hole, The Illusionist and the hilarious I Love You Phillip Morris. Basically, it evens out. Australians don't get the chance to see all of the big American contenders until various points throughout the next year, so while I've been lucky enough to catch advance screenings of The Artist, Hugo, and others, there are still plenty that I have yet to see and I can't fathom doing any sort of 2011 list based on US release dates without having seen Steve McQueen's Shame or Alexander Payne's The Descendants is beyond me, so it's best to just play it safe and go purely by Australian release dates. I know many of my readers are from America, but I can only work with what I'm given. Sure, we all have out blind spots - that Trespass article mentions me sadly missing Thomas McCarthy's Win Win and Mike Mills' Beginners, but I have since rectified that oversight - but a list a mile long of unseen titles makes the task of making a "best of" list rather pointless, doesn't it? It's why I don't bother doing so for music anymore, because it's hard to write such a thing with a straight face.

I thought, however, that for the blog we'd do a countdown of the best Aussie films of the year. It was a curious year for local films, I think. While none of the below films made it onto my top ten (like Three Blind Mice, Jindabyne, Samson & Delilah, Look Both Ways, The Tree from years past), there were still plenty of titles to fill a list like this without embarrassing ourselves. Running the gamut of genres from superhero flicks to found footage horror titles; exploitation sex thrillers to heartwarming family fare... we kinda had it all this year. There was even our version of prestige period fare and big budget animation! So let's take a look, shall we?

Dishonourable Mentions: Two of the year's very worst films were Gale Edwards' A Heartbeat Away and Franco di Chiera's Big Momma's Boy. Whereas the former was just infamously plain ol' bad (Australia's answer to The Room, surely), the latter was down right offensive in its mining of homosexuality for quote unquote hilarious jokes. I've never walked out of a press screening, but I got damned close when I realised that's where Big Mamma's Boy was going. All class, it has an entire scene that revolves around the fact that the main character has to go to the bathroom BUT CAN'T OMG LULZ! No. Elsewhere, Rosie Jones' The Triangle Wars sunk to new lows for local home videos masquerading as cinema; Simon Wincer's The Cup belongs on a Wikipedia Movie Night with The Iron Lady; Michael Henry's Blame has promising aspects, but fails to thrill; John Soto's Needle is a pathetic excuse for horror with a twist ending that appears out of nowhere; Macario De Souza's Fighting Fear sainted its documentary subjects in between cheap filmmaking flourishes (but did have great surfing footage). Most contentious of all was my dislike for Justin Kurzel's Snowtown, which I found to be yet another case of low class miseraberalism trumping everything and sundry, even if it was exceptionally crafted and acted.

Honourable Mentions: I wished Sophie Hyde and Bryan Mason's Life in Movement had the same filmmaking verve of Matthew Bate's Shut Up Little Man! An Audio Misadventure, as I felt both had issues that prevented them from truly soaring; Mrs Carey's Concert was a suitably rousing experience, but some of the key narrative decisions of directors Bob Connolly and Sophie Raymond were questionable; Ben C Lucas proved he was an exciting new talent with his propulsive high school drama Wasted on the Young. Sadly, Jonathan Teplitzky's Burning Man did everything it could to not be seen by me. It's all the film's fault - ALL OF IT!

10. Happy Feet Two
dir. George Miller

Flawed from a storytelling angle - it's main narrative arc feels curiously secondary - but succeeds due to the astonishing animation, ace song selections and a pair of homosexual krill (voiced by Brad Pitt and Matt Damon of all people) that feels truly radical and proves that George Miller's sequel wasn't just one big retread. That the film has flopped at the US box office is not really an indicator of the film's quality so much as it is representative of the film landscape; Happy Feet Two just wasn't all that necessary. Even as a fan I can admit that, but Miller and his team of gifted technicians more than proved their case. It was disappointing to see (er, hear of?) the departure of Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman and, for obvious reasons, the late Brittany Murphy from the voice cast, but Sofia Vergara was a neat addition (let's just not go into the mechanics of why there are Mexican penguins in Antarctica... or at all!) And, of course... those krill! One of the most surprising delights of the year were those gosh darned krill.
Full review

9. Face to Face
dir. Michael Rymer

Stage adaptations can be tricky at the best of times, especially one that is as simply staged as David Williamson's play - a group of people sitting in a room, that's it - but while director Michael Rymer hasn't done all that much to expand the play to a cinematic landscape, he has at least still made a compelling film. Featuring a true ensemble of actors - actors who are forced to not only share a space, but to react and play off of each other like a proper ensemble should, SAG should take notice - giving some wonderful performances, Face to Face is intimate, boutique filmmaking, but filmmaking that speaks to larger issues that shouldn't be ignored. The inadvertent comedy of casting Matthew Newton in this role thankfully doesn't detract from the fine work by Ra Chapman, Robert Rabiah, Luke Ford, Sigrid Thornton and others around him. If the film has one major issue it's the way it all but wraps pretty little bows onto the end of its Serious Issues, but that's a somewhat minor quibble given the dramatic weight that Face to Face carries.
Full review

8. The Tunnel
dir. Carlo Ledesma

One of the biggest and most popular films funded by crowd sourcing, The Tunnel is a "found footage" horror film that works like a blend of The Blair Witch Project and Neil Marshall's The Descent. With a film crew descending into the underground tunnel systems of Sydney there are plenty of opportunities for things - whether they be humans, rats or the inevitable monsters - to come popping out of the darkness. While we all know what's going to happen, director Carlo Ledesma gets great mileage out of his assortment of night vision/dark room/cavernous tunnel setups and there were at least one moment when I screamed. Loudly. The Tunnel looks and sounds phenomenal so it's disappointing no American distributor took a fancy to it like they do to other similar titles. Of course, Ledesma's reward is, I suppose, not making a film that's comparable to Apollo 18.

7. Red Dog
dir. Kriv Stenders

As one of the highest grossing Australian films of all time - it secured a place on the top ten local hits, bypassing the likes of The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and The Man from Snowy River - it was inevitable that Kriv Stenders' tale of "red dog" and his American master would find its detractors. I admired Red Dog, however, for the clarity of its desires and the skill with which it achieved them. Sure, there are by far too many overhead shots of cars/trucks/buses/vans speeding down dusty outback roads, but filmmaking this honest is hard to come by within the Australian industry. That Stenders is the man behind Lucky Country and Boxing Day, which are hardly indicative of a career in heartwarming family fare, is an inspiring thought and hopefully his success will inspire some fellow locals to put their considerable, but underused, skills to work on projects that are just as important as whatever Snowtown was trying to be.
Full review

6. The Hunter
dir. Daniel Nettheim

A genuine surprise was the Tasmanian-set The Hunter. Far from the overly grim and grey experience I was expecting, Daniel Nettheim's first feature film since something called Angst in 2000 (he has since been directing local television) is a very handsome production with powerful performances from its strong international cast - Willem Dafoe, Sam Neill, Frances O'Connor, Morgana Davies, Sullivan Stapleton amongst them - and a look that was unmatched in 2011. The greens of the Tasmanian forest pop right out of the screen in Nettheim's low-key boiler thriller about the hunt of the Tasmanian Tiger as he gradually brings out the ethics, morals and issues of Julia Leigh's story. It's quiet, yes, but an unmistakable and surprisingly gripping tale of man and nature.
Full review

5. The Tall Man
dir. Tony Krawitz

This evocative documentary about the in custody death of an Aboriginal man will surely raise blood pressure amongst anybody who sees it. Spectacularly filmed with cinematography that belies its digital documentary roots, The Tall Man plays like a typical Hollywood court drama with an escalating series of maddening events. Some of the stuff that transpires in Tony Krawitz' doco are so truly baffling that it's hard to believe it's non-fiction. Rather than rocking the boat with distracting attention seeking editing that is so popular in documentaries these days, The Tall Man is a simply told, but fascinating look at the injustices perpetrated by the titular "tall man" and the way the system tries to deify him and throw him under the bus in equal measure.
Full review

4. X
dir. Jon Hewitt

Yes, yes, I know! I can't help it that I was completely on board with Jon Hewitt's pulse-raising, electric, neon-soaked sex worker thriller from the streets of King's Cross. It's lurid and completely ridiculous, but that's why I enjoyed it. Perhaps it was because it came at the tail-end of a rather hard slog at the Melbourne International Film Festival when what I really needed was a dose of the silly, but I found myself totally on X's wavelength. With a screenplay full of clunkers and some performances to match, X doesn't exactly scream high class, but with an exploitation twist (this is far more genuine than, say, Hobo with a Shotgun) and some blistering craft skills made X a genuinely - wait for it - Xciting time in the cinema. Oh, har dee hah hah.
Full review

3. Oranges and Sunshine
dir. Jim Loach

I was as surprised as anyone to discover I had ranked Oranges and Sunshine as high as I have. Originally I thought it was a well-made, admirably conceived and nicely acted excursion into Erin Brockovich style filmmaking, but this Australia/UK co-production has grown in my estimation. The mystery at its heart of how and why the British and Australian governments were allowed to get away with the crimes they did - and crimes they most certainly were, even if not recognised by any specific law - is compelling and it's surprising it hadn't been told before now. It's the performances, however, that elevate Jim Loach's (son of Ken) film; Emily Watson finally being given a meaty lead role again after so many years, and work from David Wenham and especially Hugo Weaving that rank as some of their very best to date.
Full review

2. Sleeping Beauty
dir. Julia Leigh

One of the most divisive films of the year - from this or any other country it would see - was Julia Leigh's debut film. A Palme d'Or nominee on the back of a personal Jane Campion citation, Sleeping Beauty has been angering, boring and downright confusing viewers ever since it's premiere at a Croisette. Even if I wasn't initially as taken by it as it's #2 placing suggests, I was certainly on the positive side of the spectrum. However, no other film from 2011 as remained in my mind quite as long as Sleeping Beauty. Sticky like taffy, it has wormed it's way into my favourites of the year so much so that I'm scared to actually revisit it for fear of it actually proving that it's not actually all that brilliant. Ornately crafted, sumptuously filmed and superbly acted (Emily Browning in a true career changing role - casting directors take note, there is a certain Nicole Kidman/Tilda Swinton vibe about her in this role), Sleeping Beauty is a truly radical reinterpretation of the fairy tale (Red Riding Hood would never) and one that proves its worth by being exactly the sort of film that people can argue and debate about for hours. Truly a unique and daringly original piece of work.
Full review

1. Griff the Invisible
dir. Leon Ford

Sigh. I adore this movie. Earlier this year I wrote about Mark Joffe's 1992 Spotswood for an upcoming book on the city of Melbourne and I couldn't help but feel Leon Ford's caped crusader flick, Griff the Invisible, echoed the films of that era. Films set within inner suburbs of the big capital cities (in this case Sydney) that probe the delicate and frequently offbeat lives of people that we might normally think little about. Consider Proof, Death in Brunswick, Amy or Malcolm, but with the genre elements of a Heat Wave. Helped immeasurably by the chemistry of stars Ryan Kwanten and Maeve Dermody, Griff the Invisible is another one of the compelling left-of-centre films, like Melancholia and Bridesmaids, to look at mental health in 2011. It was a touching and yet vividly painted film that takes playful jabs at the genre, but never forgets for one second that it is ultimately about these two connected, deeply troubled individuals. It was the most original Australian film of the year and the one that I suspect I'll remember most fondly in years to come.
Full review

And with that we bid adieu to 2011. We'll have further looks at the year that was 2011 - done in the vein of my "design of a decade" pieces, looking at the scenes, performances and technical achievements that I loved most - but until then, don't disappear on me folks! We need you, we crave you, here at Stale Popcorn. Until we meet on the other side of New Years Eve...

Something Something New Nicole Kidman Movie Something Something

2011-12-29T16:31:00.000+11:00

As evidenced by the title of this entry, it doesn't take much to get me excited for a new Nicole Kidman film. Especially one that looks as intriguing as The Paperboy, her new film for Lee Daniels. Yeah, that Lee Daniels. The same Lee Daniels who was Oscar-nominated for Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire and who let Macy Gray walk around strung out on drugs as zebras walked by in the background as Mo'Nique had sex with Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Shadowboxer. The same Lee Daniels who said he wanted to film Miss Saigon! Yeah, that Lee Daniels. At least with him you never quite know what to expect and with a cast like Nicole Kidman, Zac Efron, Matthew McConaughey and John Cusack set on Death Row... yeah, the unexpected is to be expected. The images of Kidman from the set look juicy - Kidman as trailer trash with a fondness for loud make-up? Yes please! - and I love the idea of Efron and McConaughay playing brothers, don't you? I can't wait to see what Daniels gets out of those two men (just witness what he got from Mo'Nique and Mariah Carey as proof positive that we should trust his unique casting skills) and to see what he does with an actress of Kidman's stature.

I'm adoring the poster, with its retro stylings and Pink Cadillac motif. It shares more than a little bit in common with the poster for The Bank Job, but we like that design so it's okay for now. Efron's arm muscles have been scarily Photoshopped, but he's actually looking like both an actor and a movie star, so here's hoping...

They Really Want Us to Remember Forrest Gump

2011-12-29T13:55:00.004+11:00

The yearly announcement by the Library of Congress National Film Registry of what films have been deemed "culturally significant" is always an interesting moment for cinephiles. This year's list of 25 films were selected by "Librarian of Congress" (how's that for a title on your resumé?) James H Billington and covers a wide variety of films from as early as 1912 to as late as 1994 and includes well known classics and titles that I, personally, had never even heard of. In between the wonderful selections of The Silence of the Lambs, The Big Heat, The Kid and Bambi are eye-raisers like El Mariachi and The Negro Soldier. However, it's the inclusion of Robert Zemeckis' Forrest Gump that made me most disappointed. Little more than an extended trip down memory lane with nifty special effects, Zemeckis' film is one of those curious films that so many people seem to remember as being an amazing classic, and yet I can't help but wonder if they've even watched it lately. It has not aged well.

The entire list of films are:

1. Allures (1961)
2. Bambi (1942)
3. The Big Heat (1953)
4. A Computer Animated Hand (1972)
5. Crisis: Behind A Presidential Commitment (1963)
6. The Cry of the Children (1912)
7. A Cure for Pokeritis (1912)
8. El Mariachi (1992)
9. Faces (1968)
10. Fake Fruit Factory (1986)
11. Forrest Gump (1994)
12. Growing Up Female (1971)
13. Hester Street (1975)
14. I, an Actress (1977)
15. The Iron Horse (1924)
16. The Kid (1921)
17. The Lost Weekend (1945)
18. The Negro Soldier (1944)
19. Nicholas Brothers Family Home Movies (1930s-40s)
20. Norma Rae (1979)
21. Porgy and Bess (1959)
22. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
23. Stand and Deliver (1988)
24. Twentieth Century (1934)
25. War of the Worlds (1953)

Still, all of that would be fine if on the same day as the Library of Congress announced their selections the Academy released their annual poster for the upcoming Academy Awards. Witness:

Trust me, dear Academy, movies like Forrest Gump (and Driving Miss Daisy for that matter) are not the ones you should be reminding us of. Hell, to take another Library of Congress title, Silence of the Lambs would be a far better and more evocative film to remind viewers and audiences that you're still capable of making choices that aren't in the typified wheelhouse of "Oscar bait". If this poster is any indication then they're certainly expecting War Horse to take the gold, but if - as the pundits suggest - Michel Hazanavicius' black and white silent romance, The Artist, is the one to beat then I would think a poster alluding to some of the more eclectic, forward thinking winners would have been the way to go. But, then again, you can't be seen as predicting your own awards (unlike critics organisations, ahem). Curious though that they include George Stevens' 1956 epic Giant on there as opposed to the actual Best Picture winner of that year... Around the World in Eighty Days. Retroactive awardage, accident or genuine innocent and simple case of the famous movie taking precedence? Curious to note that Giant was added to the National Film Registry some six years ago, a feat that Around the World... hasn't garnered. Yet.

In Dreams

2011-12-29T00:10:00.001+11:00

Have y'all seen this David Lynch tribute video, entitled David Lynch in Four Movements? It has been created by Richard Vezina and is a 20-minute summation of Lynch's spectacular career. It's both too long and too short - too long for a video to watch online due to the internet tending to divert one's attentions easily; too short because Lynch's career is so vast even if the number of films he has made isn't excessive - but remains dreamily evocative and a wonderfully vivid representation of this miraculous man's career. Soundtracked by Julee Cruise songs and Angelo Badalamenti music, the video is enough to remind just how powerful of a filmmaker Lynch is. Just watching a clip reel like this is enough to make me cry as Cruise's haunting melodies drift over images of doomed beauties and misunderstood outcasts. Some gorgeous side-by-side moments like the shot to the left there only strengthen the opinion that David Lynch is one of the most methodical, composed and self-aware directors around. Yes, he reuses imagery time and time again, but that's simply because humans tend to repeat imagery in their dreams, even if the mental plots of our nightly visions are different. And we all know Lynch is all about the dreamscapes.

Here's hoping he comes back soon, although I've said since I first saw it that if he never does make another movie again then at least INLAND EMPIRE is the most confounding rebuke of Hollywood that one could possibly imagine. It was like everything he's ever tried to say in a film, but does so while simultaneously returning to the grungy, industrial aesthetics of his debut and ending his relationship with film in the sense that he will now, apparently, only ever make a movie on digital. Whatever he chooses to do, I'm sure it's for the best. Now, this being a David Lynch video tribute, it is somewhat NSFW, so do be careful where you watch it.

David Lynch in Four Movements - A Tribute from Richard Vezina on Vimeo.

TrollHunter, Hunter of Trolls

2011-12-28T17:13:00.001+11:00

What does one make of André Øvredal's "found footage" so-called horror film, TrollHunter [Trolljegeren]. I skipped it at this year's Melbourne International Film Festival, but it's high ranking amongst the audience voting piqued my interest. A recent DVD release coupled with a day of bedridden rest afforded me an opportunity to watch it and I am seriously perplexed. What exactly was it that my fellow MIFF-sters, and other audiences alike, found within this Norwegian curiosity?

TrollHunter is a mockumentary type of scary flick that sees three Scandinavian college reporters stumble across an environmental news story with quite big ramifications. Turns out trolls really do exist and they, ahem, troll across Norway wreaking havoc that a local government organisation manipulates into being labelled "natural disasters" or, more frequently, bear attacks. Right off the bat, TrollHunter is incredibly indebted to the far superior The Blair Witch Project. Everything from the two-guys-/-one-girl dynamic to even the clothes they wear. It's terribly distracting since that 1999 horror classic is so very much better than this bizarre effort from debut director Øvredal. I couldn't even tell whether his film was meant to be scary, what with the frequent scenes that don't attempt to fright and moments of apparent comedy that I guess is what they intended with the scene involving heavy duty flatulence. It wasn't until I looked at the film's IMDb profile and I saw its genre listed as "horror" that I figured I was meant to find some of this scary. Although, perhaps it's just me, but the idea of trolls doesn't exactly get me shaking in my boots. As visually impressive as these beasts are - and don't get me wrong, the visual effects are fantastic - they're not scary creatures.

I think that failing comes down, at least somewhat, to the "found footage" idea. This sort of filmmaking has become increasingly popular, but I can't help but feel it was the wrong creative decision for TrollHunter. It works for things that go bump in the night (The Blair Witch Project), underground sewer creatures (The Tunnel) and even ghost in the immensely successful Paranormal Activity franchise. But trolls? Notsomuch. I think of trolls and I think of "Nilbog", which isn't anything anybody wanting to scare should be reminding audiences of. Maybe it's just me? I find the idea of ghosts and satanic witches far more terrifying than giant, hulking fairy tale creatures that turn to stone when shown the light. Really. This mockumentary motif also flounders when it doesn't give its characters enough time to become fully fleshed out. Consider the early scenes of The Blair Witch Project and how, once they enter the woods, the scares are eventual and not sudden. In a way TrollHunter shows far too much far too early. They're proven to look a little silly and to be killed quite easily so any sense of terror and dread is almost nonexistence and, in the end, quite a bit boring. The film really lost me when they included an estabishing shot, the sort of thing that belies the entire narrative conceit in one fell swoop. Inconsistent sound design, too, doesn't help: why exactly is that lady carrying around a boom mic if their cameras record sound perfectly well without it? I admire the filmmaker's decision to play the material as straight and serious, but it never settles on being enough of one thing. Is it a scary film? Is it a horror comedy? Is it about shady governments? Is it about Norway's position in the world? It's none of those things in any large measure and suffers because of it. I can't see these trolls securing a cult following like those other nasty trolls across the pond. C-

"Wiggle Your Big Toe!"

2011-12-27T23:21:00.001+11:00

I may not be a foot fetishest like one Mr Quentin Tarantino, but I know for certain that right now he wouldn't be too enthused about my own right about now. An accident last night has left my foot more battered than bruised, but worse for wear nonetheless. Unlike Beatrix Kiddo I can wiggle my toes, but I've been bedridden all day near unable to walk. Good thing I received that first aid kit for Christmas a year back or else I'd be without bandages to wrap this thing up. Alternating between liberal excuses of the word "nap" (is two hours a nap or does it verge on sleep?), catching up on Norwegian found footage (somewhat) horror flick, TrollHunter, and episodes of Hart of Dixie, which is like Men in Trees, but swapping out Northern Exposure for Dawson's Creek. Naturally, it's campishly addictive and since it airs on the same channel as Ringer, I think we've found a double feature of ridiculous silliness. Episode four is particularly, ahem, memorable.

We hope to resume regular programming soon enough. But for now I must resume my bedridden duties. Quentin Tarantino can keep his feet.

Unwrap a Christmas Gift

2011-12-25T08:30:00.000+11:00

I guess today is Christmas by the time this gets published so I guess I should wish y'all a Merry Christmas. Or not, depending on what your opinion of the holiday is. Nevertheless, there's no reason to not have a little bit of fun with the festive season and so today I present to you "The Twelve Days of Christmas" as sung, and rewritten, by the cast of Twin Peaks. Yes, you read that correctly. Premiering on Los Angeles radio statio KROQ in 1990, this rendition of the song features cast members Jack Nance, Kimmy Robertson, Dana Ashbrook, Frank Silva, Robert Bauer and even Kyle McLachlan singing about all sorts of Christmas appropriate things like one-armed men, cherry pie and dead bodies wrapped in plastic. I can't think of a better way to spend your Christmas morning than giving this song a good ol' spin.

Image via Welcome to Twin Peaks

The Original Bad Santa

2011-12-24T19:03:00.000+11:00

It's that time of the year where people inevitably list their favourite Christmas movies. While I like Miracle on 34th Street as much as the next guy, I'm generally more inclined to watch something a little bit less conventional. Films like Die Hard, Batman Returns, A Nightmare Before Christmas, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Mixed Nuts (home of the saddest sentence found on Wikipedia - "It was released to theaters in the United States on December 21, 1994, to neither critical acclaim nor commercial success"), The Muppet Christmas Carol and the majestic, poetic and downright masterful Jack Frost are all more likely to get spins in the lead up to Christmas than, say, White Christmas, Holiday Inn or even It's a Wonderful Life. What can I say, I prefer my Xmas a little bit twisted. I also have a big soft spot for Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, but that's surely more to do with the beautifully filmed setting than anything else.

Most people (myself included) seem to have a lot of time for Bad Santa, the hilariously offensive Terry Zwigoff from 2003 that starred Billy Bob Thornton as, well, a bad Santa. Still, as much as I like that film - which, amazingly, played at the Cannes Film Festival! - I can't help but prefer a film that came out ten years prior, but which gets only a scant amount of the respect. Ted Demme's 1994 black comedy, The Ref, is surely the Christmas film I watch more than any other. Like some some or hilarious convergence of a zippy, electrified screenplay and a collection of actors who know how to deliver it, The Ref is a film that never fails to put me into fits of guffaws. As I rewatched this last night I had to stifle my honking laughs so as to not awake the entire neighbourhood. Hardest of all is at this moment late in the proceedings:

"You know what I'm gonna get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices you can climb on up and nail yourself to it!"
While the first half of the feel is a rather tight nit group of actors sparring back and forth - who would've thought that Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey would spark such verbal fires together? - once the extended family comes along The Ref descends into full on anarchy. I love that look of Davis' face every time she hears the whingeing cry Christine Baranski's high-pitched voice, or the way the children look at each other in admiration of their uncle and aunt as they try to out-insult one another with stinging one-liners and embarrassing anecdotes. That it was nominated for a best casting award by the Casting Society of America is testament to this, I suppose.

The Ref was a box office flop, which is hardly surprising but surely disappointing. The Ref is not exactly as tantalising a film name as the simple, yet effective, Bad Santa, but where the former succeeds over the latter is in the degree of difficulty. Bad Santa would have been easy to make a success, what with the very image of a foul-mouthed Santa being chucklesome right off the bat. What The Ref has is an idea that needed work and some heavy lifting on behalf of the cast, which they are all game for. It never ceases to impress me how well they pulled it all together and at a time when this sort of film wasn't the norm. There will surely be plenty other anti-Christmas movies of this type, but The Ref will forever remain my favourite. Pop this on the DVD player and "celebrate the birth of Christ" with good ol' fashioned family bickering. It's the only way.

Musically Inclined

2011-12-23T19:35:00.000+11:00

I've been actively following the American awards season, as I am want to do, but haven't been discussing it here at all (Twitter is another thing altogether!) I figure there are so many other websites, written by people far more plugged in to the whole affair (they live in America, generally) writing about it at a far quicker pace than I could ever muster. Take not of how quiet it has been around here the last two week!

I plan on doing some end of year pieces in the vein of the "design of a decade" countdown I did last year to celebrate the '00s and everything I loved about them. They should start up after Christmas, but until then I wanted to direct your attention to this fabulous piece at Indiewire that gives a very comprehensive rundown of the year's best musical scores. Just today the Academy announced the 97 films eligible for Best Original Score so there was synchronicity there. Sadly missing from the list of scores to compete is Cliff Martinez for Drive, but I can understand the omission since so much of the film's revolve around the musical themes. To be honest, I think Drive is the best film of the year and even I don't think Martinez would make my personal ballot, but it's a shame one of the most acclaimed scores of the year cannot compete. Martinez still has his fantastic work on Contagion to battle for so there's still hope for the former Red Hot Chili Pepper!

The Indiewire piece though is a definite must read. Or, should that be must listen. Both, really. Highlighting over 20 of the year's best musical achievements, including personal favourites Jane Eyre (Dario Marianelli), The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross), The Skin I Live In (Alberto Iglesias), Rango (Hans Zimmer), Hugo (Howard Shore), Attack the Block (Basement Jaxx) and Rubber (Mr Oizo). I had an Academy member's ballot I would be feverishly scribbling down Contagion, Hanna (The Chemical Brothers), Insidious (Joseph Bishara), The Skin I Live In and either Hugo, Jane Eyre or Attack the Block. My vote would go to Insidious because, I guess, that's how I roll. I look forward to Jed Kurzel being on the list of eligible contenders next year for his claustrophobic sonic landmine score of Snowtown when it finally/hopefully snags an American release in the new year. I know I keep harping on about that Aussie's film's score, but it bears repeating time and time again just how incredible it is. I didn't even like the movie and the score gives me the shivers. Every time I mention it I search on YouTube for a video of it, but to no avail. Now, however, there is at least this video of the music being performed at the APRA Screen Music Awards at which Kurzel won. Listen to it below alongside some of my other favourite compositions of the year.

Review: War Horse

2011-12-23T17:53:00.000+11:00

War Horse

Dir. Steven Spielberg

Year: 2011

Aus Rating: M15+

Running Time: 146mins

Steven Spielberg’s latest film, War Horse, opens with picturesque shots of rolling British countryside set to a boisterous John Williams‘ score. You’d be forgiven for thinking Spielberg and his screenwriters, Lee Hall and Richard Curtis working from Michael Morpurgo’s novel and the Tony-winning Broadway play, were desperate to choke sobs out of their audience from the opening moments. Even if you’re not crying yet, they will keep trying and trying until only the blackest of hearts are left un-moved. I guess I should hand in my organ donation card because I clearly don’t have a heart judging from the dismissive reaction I had to this patently artificial film.

Read the rest at Trespass Magazine

Review: Albert Nobbs

2011-12-22T17:28:00.001+11:00

Albert Nobbs

Dir. Rodrigo Garcia

Year: 2011

Aus Rating: M15+

Running Time: 109mins

“Sing to me softly / your tales of woe,” wails Sinead O’Connor in the theme song to Albert Nobbs. It’s a particularly significant lyric from the song that plays over the credits of this drab affair that gently whispers its tale of never-ending woe amid a sea of grey and tweed. Director Rodrigo Garcia has made an unadventurous film that has only the smallest of fires in its belly. Albert Nobbs barely registers on any level whatsoever, with its potentially fascinating subject matter blunted by an adaptation that has taken its protagonist’s buttoned-up personality to heart and been sapped of life and character.

Read the rest at Trespass Magazine
I mean, really. Good grief, could this movie be any more bland?

Kitty Galore

2011-12-21T11:48:00.000+11:00

I never got around to attending a press screening of Puss in Boots, and I doubt I'll get a chance to catch up with it upon general release. I find myself being allergic to Dreamworks animation, but I did like How to Train Your Dragon so maybe there really is hope for us yet. Nevertheless, Puss in Boots was one film that I was somewhat curious about checking out purely because it is so very rare for Hollywood to make a film that is pro-feline! I'm sure dog lovers are aware they have a monopoly on Hollywood - this year alone we've seen The Artist, Beginners, Red Dog and so many, many more prove that the movies love dogs while in some cases actively hating cats. It's shameful, really, but I suspect a lot of it comes down to the fact that cats, like Miley Cyrus, can't be tamed and training them is infinitely harder. Of course, the main reason is that people prefer dogs for the same reason they prefer Tom Hanks. They like nice rather than complex and aloof. A cat won't look at you unless it wants to, a dog can be trained to do tricks with finesse and ease. I'm a cat person, obviously, so the idea of Puss in Boots intrigued me to that degree.

Still, if Hollywood are going to continue to make us believe that felines are evil then at least do so in a vehicle such as this, thank you:

Review: Happy Feet Two

2011-12-21T11:07:00.001+11:00

Happy Feet Two

Dir. George Miller

Year: 2011

Aus Rating: PG

Running Time: 100mins

Five years after those toe-tapping penguins sashayed into cinemas, George Miller returns to Antarctica with Happy Feet Two. A truly strange animated film that I can’t fathom many people clamoured for, but still manages to succeed at being an inventive experience. While the plot – Mumbles must save his penguin clan after they become trapped by a moving glacier – seems curiously secondary, where Miller succeeds is in the oft breathtaking animation, choice music selections and a truly radical subplot involving a pair of krill that must be seen to be believed.

Read the rest at Trespass Magazine
You may remember that I spoke of this film last week and I still find that aspect of the film to be particularly memorable. Good to know.

Wish It Were Here Now

2011-12-19T12:55:00.001+11:00

2011 has some high profile Australian films that are gearing up for release early in the year. We've seen steady and consistent marketing for Stephan Elliot's A Few Best Men, which is released on Australia Day, and Working Dog's Any Questions for Ben? has slowly been rolling out the advertising in time for its February release. And now it turns out the trailer for Kieran Darcy-Smith's local thriller, Wish You Were Here, was quietly released earlier this month and I did not realise! Set to open the 2012 Sundance Film Festival, Wish You Were Here charts the vacation of four friends and the subsequent after-effects when one goes missing and stars Joel Edgerton, Teresa Palmer, Felicity Price (also the co-writer and looking very impressive on initial look) and Antony Starr. Reactions out of Sundance will surely help local distributor Hopscotch decide when and what to do with it, but we can expect it to get at least a limited release sometime next year.

Trash for Treasure

2011-12-17T11:02:00.000+11:00

I have been slowly making my way through the Paul Morrissey boxset, "The Andy Warhol Collection". It's been wonderful and weird in equal measure; I liked that Heat was like some warped version of Melrose Place and that Flesh for Frankenstein was their version of a lush, lavish period piece. And in 3D no less! That dinner table sequence with the panning camera was simply divine, and that finale is some sort of cracked out insanity right there! I can't say that any have had the potency and the sticky imprint of Flesh though, which was a rather incredible piece of cinema that is edited through a woodchipper in the same way Lars von Trier does and photographed like the lens has been smeared with grime and sweat. Nick Davis' typically intuitive write-up of that film for his Top 100 Films list has a particularly delicious comparison to Douglas Sirk and melodrama that I can't say I'd particularly thought about before, but now can't do anything else.

Still, it was while researching Trash that I came across perhaps one of the greatest bits of movie trivia ever. Oh sure, some people think it's absolutely wild that Tom Sellick was meant to be Indiana Jones, but I found this bonmot regarding transgendered actress Holly Woodlawn to be the very definition of amazing.

In October she was assigned a bit role in Trash, but so impressed director Paul Morrissey that she was given a larger role. In 1970 she received word from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences that George Cukor, supported by others, was petitioning the Academy to nominate her for Trash however, nothing came of this campaign.

Apparently George Cukor, Oscar winning director of My Fair Lady, The Philadelphia Story, and many others, initiated the campaign and got signatures from Ben Gazzara and Joanne Woodward. Doesn't this just blow your mind? Actors and filmmakers of their calibre are not the kind you would expect to go to stumps for a transgendered actress in a no budget independent movie that features intravenous drug use, full frontal male nudity and lots of sex. Woodlawn's performance is electrifying and magnetic, I literally couldn't take my eyes off of her even when she's sharing a scene with a naked Joe Dallesandro (and given he's one of the sexiest actors to grace the screen, that's a tall order). Cukor's initiative was obviously doomed, but it certainly makes me curious as to what other fringe dwellers caught the eye of the Hollywood establishment.

Dracula is a Work in Progress

2011-12-16T18:15:00.000+11:00

Sometimes a YouTube video comes along that has the ability to genuinely surprise. I had read what Jason from My New Plaid Pants had to say about this work in progress "trailor" for Dario Argento's Dracula 3D, but not even that could make me anticipate what I was about to watch, really. The following video truly is one of the worst, silliest, most ridiculous and all 'round funniest videos I've seen in ages. I stared at my computer screen with a look of such complete horror from the music alone (it sounds like 1950s sci-fi!), but when the AMAZINGLY BAD CGI BIRD came flying at the screen the lulz were neverending.

Now, I know it says "visual effects work in progress" on the screen whenever a particularly dodgy moment of computer graphics occurs (so, basically, all of it), but I kinda wish they would just quit while they're ahead and allow Dracula 3D to become the camp comedy classic that it is so obviously meant to be. My bellowing laugh was given quite a workout as I watched all these actors (Thomas Kretschmann and Asia Argento amongst them) bark and hiss at one another for two and a half minutes whilst spilling blood everywhere and walking around in particularly cheap-looking thrift store costumes. I mean, my gosh, what is up with the scene of a giant praying mantis gobbling down a man? Or what's with random throwaway shots that have seemingly nothing to do with anything like the horse or the naked lady being thrown to the ground? Oh, the acting! The acting! Is that Rutger Hauer continuing on from his awful Hobo with a Shotgun performance?

My favourite bit in the entire "trailor" is at the 55 second mark when Kretschmann seems to be screaming, but sounds more like he's trying to clear his throat. But then there is, of course, the praying mantis, the hilarious 3D that looks like outtakes from Friday the 13th: Part III, Hauer maneuvering some pullies at the 1:55 mark, and the ridiculous display of acting at 1:36. Truly magic stuff, wouldn't you agree?

When Bad Posters Strike: Gloomy Superheroes, Aliens at Sea, Rom-Coms and Queen Latifah's Spirit Fingers

2011-12-13T21:30:00.000+11:00

As I scrolled down IMP's homepage today after having forgotten to do so for a few days that I come across so many unattractive poster designs. It only seemed logical to lump them all together so that the world can gawk at them and make them feel great shame for inflicting such eye-punching visuals on us. I suspect I will be in the minority regarding two of them, so what better place to begin than with...

The Amazing Spider-Man & The Dark Knight Rises
Okay, let me just get this out of the way: I don't necessarily think these two posters for next year's big blockbusters are bad. Nevertheless, I don't think they're great, but the main reason I am featuring them is because they fill be with deep worry and suspicion. Let's take a look (although I'm sure you've already seen them dozens of times already) and then discuss.

It was inevitable that whatever design the studio behind The Dark Knight Rises threw out would be greeted with cries of "epic", "ICONIC", "awesome", "one of the best posters ever made", and so on. And that's just the comments section at IMP. Alas, the poster is perfectly servicable as a concept, but I am officially on high alert for gritty intensity! I've never been entirely on board with Nolan's vision of the Batman franchise, but if this is where it's headed to then I can't say I hold much hope for The Dark Knight Rises. The Dark Knight did such a great job at working with vivid colours amidst its more muted colour palate, but I really am concerned that this third (and presumably final) instalment will be so devoid of life and colour that it will make for too oppressive an experience.

The same goes for this poster for The Amazing Spider-Man, which at least tries to counter-balance is colour energy with an inventive central image. While Andrew Garfield's shadow transformation into a spider is a good one, sapping all the colour from what has always been such a colourful franchise made me sigh and roll my eyes. I would hope that Marc Webber (the director of 500 Days of Summer, no less) doesn't succumb to lazy grunge and grit as a way of this unnecessary franchise reboot setting itself apart. The less said about that ridiculous "The Untold Story" tagline the better, quite frankly. I'll give them credit in that it involved balls to make such a laughable statement in such a solemn and serious manner.

Battleship
I guess my initial hesitance with this poster is that I still can't quite fathom why Battleship is about aliens.

Sure, make a movie about the navy going to war with aliens on the open seas, but don't label it as a "battleship" movie and toss it off as a some lame-brained maneuver to garner brand status. This poster, too, suffers from an overbearing case of grittyiness, as if the only way they figured they could lend credence and gravitas to an adaptation of a board game was to desaturate all the colour and make it look as hopelessly miserable as possible. If that is indeed the case then it's still a failure because it's such a botched job. I may have been on board with this if they'd given it a candy-coloured poster that featured Rihanna getting her breasts out in a way-too-tight-to-be-regulation navy uniform and Alexander Sarsgaard with a half-opened (or non-existed, whatever) shirt with Liam Neeson looking on with a fatherly grimace. At least that would've looked like shlocky fun. This? This looks like a third circle of hell.

American Reunion
Turns out this reunion is going to a very sad affair.

Just looking and Chris Klein's coked out face and dated hairstyle is enough to give me the heebie-jeebies. When Tara Reid looks better than you, you know something's wrong and Ms Reid looks better here then all but Alyson Hannigan. I guess that's what a successful career does for one's complexion and hair and general radiance.

The Vow
What's that you say? There's not much really wrong with this poster for Channing Tatum/Rachel McAdams (oh what has happened to her?) romancer? Well, read closer...

I love that the tagline of "inspired by true events" is somehow meant to make us go "oh! how interesting!" and yet I can't for the life of me figure what the hell The Vow is all about. Inspired by true events? Great! But what true events. Did Tatum and McAdams once hook up at some Hollywood party? Is that the true story, because if it's not I just can't read what it's all about. Did the two actors have an unfortunate run in with a Photoshop designer? Really, the tag of "inspired by true events" works when the title of your film is, for instance, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or when your poster features images of a war- torn nation or a natural disaster. It does not work when all your poster features is too pretty actors making googly eyes at one another.

Joyful Noise
So much hand pointing!

He's pointing up there! She's pointing down there! Dolly Parton's pointing over there! Not to be outdone, Queen Latifah is splaying all of her fingers in a defiant feat of spirit fingers. Let's not even get started on the clipart-esque audience mentions waving their hands around like they just don't care that they have to have an early night because they have a big day tomorrow (I suspect they're not the partying type of crowd). This overly wax-like poster for the Sister Act inspired musical Joyful Noise works better if you imagine that Keke Palmer is sending out bolts of light from her forehead at a revival of Dreamgirls (that font!) Really, it does. Still, the most curious thing to notice about this poster is that Dolly Parton's very sizable breasts have been downgraded! For shame, Joyful Noise! I mean, there are jokes in the trailer about how many surgeries Parton's character has had, so why reduce 'em? Enlarge them, I say!

Of course, saying all of that and I'll still be there with bells on.

This Used to Be Her Playground: Madonna's Greatest Soundtrack Hits

2011-12-12T23:00:00.000+11:00

The release of a new Madonna soundtrack cut is an exciting thing. Many of her greatest tracks are those she recorded specifically for film soundtracks and there was once upon a time when fans could always expect a new one in between album releases. This past week we got a listen to "Masterpiece", the closing credits song from her sophomore directorial effort, W.E. It's not exactly the strongest song she's ever recorded, but I like that she has recorded a ballad, something that is becoming rarer and rarer as the years go by. Shall we say that a sequel to Something to Remember made entirely of her last decade of music is most certainly not on the cards.

Nevertheless, here are Madonna's ten best soundtrack recordings. For whatever reasons, The Academy have routinely given Madge the snub when it comes to their Best Original Song category. The only original song listed below that wasn't written or co-written by Madonna is "Crazy For You", from the soundtrack to Vision Quest. It's hard to fathom how beautiful ballads like "This Used to Be My Playground" (from A League of Their own) or zesty, vibrant dance hits like "Beautiful Stranger" (from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me) failed to nab Academy nominations, but that they didn't says more about their prejudices than Madonna's skills as a song-writer. It's not much of a stretch to imagine that if Madonna had collaborated with Stephen Sondheim on his Oscar winner from Dick Tracy, "Sooner or Later (I Always Get My Man)" which Madonna performed at the Oscars, that the song would have failed to have even been nominated.

"Masterpiece" won't be getting anywhere near the Oscar stage for multiple reasons (it's a credits only song for starters), but it's nice to have Madonna back. Next February is going to be all about her what with her new album being released, a likely tour announcement that will hopefully include Australia for the first time in decades (hey, we got Dolly Parton for the first time in 25 years just last month, why not Ms Ciccone?), and a live performance at the Superbowl that was just recently confirmed. I have not included "Masterpiece" on the list because I suspect it will be a grower, but I've also eliminated anything from Dick Tracy (preferences to "Vogue" and "More") and Evita (it's all about the Miami Mix of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina", isn't it?) because it's a little unfair.

Honourary Mentions:
It hurt to not put these two tracks from the 1987 Madonna vehicle Who's That Girl?, but on a top ten list concessions had to be made. Nevertheless, "Causing a Commotion" is one of my favourite under-valued Madonna tracks. It's so energetic and that lyric of "I've got the movies, baby / You've got the motion / If we got together / We'd be causing a commotion" is ace. I also included the much-maligned "American Pie" cover from The Next Best Thing, which I actually find rather lovely. Then, somewhat cheating, I have included the video of Madonna performing "Express Yourself" from the masterpiece documentary In Bed with Madonna. The video was never released, not even as a promo single, but since we're discussing Madonna, music and film, I wanted to include this incredible sequence. It features perhaps her best choreography of Madonna's career and the film really should have been nominated for all sorts of Oscars like Best Documentary, Best Editing and Best Cinematography.

1. "Live to Tell"
From At Close Range
The Year: 1986
The Song: My second favourite Madonna song of all time - the best is "Vogue" if you really must know - and a hit from the soundtrack to At Close Range, which stars her then husband, Sean Penn. The best, and most evocative ballad of her career, "Live to Tell" was actually originally written for another film entirely. When rejected by Paramount Studios for the soundtrack of Fire with Fire (Duncan Gibbins' romantic drama starring Craig Sheffer and Virginia Madsen), Madonna took the film over to At Close Range and ended up with a hit single far bigger, and better remembered, than the film it featured in. An incredible song.
The Film: I haven't seen At Close Range, which also stars Christopher Walken, but from what I can gather of it this blending of Madonna and Jan Hammer Miami Vice-style synths would be moody perfection.
The Video: The video clip features a gorgeous blonde Madonna bathed in shadows, her sexed up image blunting by a rather homely blouse. Much like every other soundtrack hit from the decade, the video is punctuated by scenes from the film that make little to no coherent sense to anybody who hasn't already seen the film.
The Awards: Two wins as "Most Performed Song from a Motion Picture" from the ASCAP Film & Television Music Awards and the BMI Film & TV Awards. "Live to Tell" probably would have been deemed ineligible for the Oscar, but nevertheless was beaten to a nomination by "Glory of Love" (The Karate Kid II), "Life in a Looking Glass" (That's Life), "Mean Green Mother from Outer Space" (The Little Shop of Horrors), "Somewhere Out There" (An American Tale) and the equally synth-heavy pop ballad "Take My Breath Away" (Top Gun). The film itself was nominated for the Golden Bear at Berlinale, but I can't find any pictures of Penn and Madonna walking the red carpet. Do you think they did?

2. "Into the Groove"
From Desperately Seeking Susan
The Year: 1985
The Song: It's easy to describe Madonna dance songs as "infectious", but sometimes there is no other way to describe it. The moment that drum machine and synth bassline starts up, there's almost nothing anybody can do to not wanna get up and dance. The lyrics, simplistic as they may be, are essentially perfect; "we might be lovers if the rhythm's right" is such a wonderful summation of a night out at a club, and the pop music lover's bible lyric of "Only when I'm dancing can I feel this free / At home I lock the door where no one else can see" is the sort of line that takes my breath away. The amount of times I've put on Madonna and danced around as a means to cheering myself up is impossible to count and "Into the Groove" is always front and centre. As a matter of fact, I've been doing it today as I type this up!
The Film: By far one of the very best movies Madonna ever made, it succeeds at being a winning, almost screwball, comedy and a surprisingly rich mistaken and wannabe identity plot. There's little surprise in knowing that it's one of her most well-received performances, too, since she is essentially playing the same sort of hip New Yawker chic chick that she played for the early part of her musical career. Patricia Arquette surprisingly won the BAFTA for Best Supporting Actress. Supporting who, exactly?
The Video: By far Madonna's laziest video, what with there being actually no newly filmed video footage all. The entire "Into the Groove" video is made up on clips from Desperately Seeking Susan, which is excessive even by 1980s standards.
The Awards: Curiously not even the Golden Globes (Madonna's biggest fans amongst awards bodies) had jumped on the Madonna bandwagon yet to nominate the song, instead singling out Rosanna Arquette's performance in the Best Supporting Actress category. The Academy Award nominations went to "Miss Celie's Blues (Sister)" (The Color Purple), "The Power of Love" (Back to the Future), "Say You, Say Me" and "Seperate Lives (Love Theme from White Nights)" (White Nights), and "Surprise Surprise" (A Chorus Line).

3. "Crazy For You"
From Vision Quest
The Year: 1985
The Song: Clearly the mid-'80s was vintage for Madonna soundtrack cuts, with her second 1985 movie hit after "Into the Groove". In fact, it was "Crazy For You" that eventually dislodged "Into the Groove" off of the number one position on the Australian Kent Music charts, the first time an artist had ever replaced themselves as the number one artist. The song is so slinky and oozes the atmosphere of a little out of the way club that Madonna sings about. Like many songs from this period, the simple nature of the lyrics is actually perfect for her, at the time, rather simple vocals. Her voice is so young and fresh here, but when she sings a lyric like "Strangers making the most of the dark" (truly one of her greatest lyrics) there's a refreshing blend of maturity and naivete.
The Film: I've never seen Vision Quest, but the mere fact that it was retitled to Crazy For You upon its international release and later US home video release suggests it doesn't carry much status. The film is about an inter-generational relationship so Madonna certainly knows about that (if not necessarily in 1985), but the film is also about competitive wrestling, so... umm... yeah. Let's stick with the song, yeah?
The Video: I am aware that Madonna appears in Vision Quest (her first on screen film appearance) to perform "Crazy For You" and "Gambler" so the footage used of her in this video clip is, I assume, that very scene. Even if it is just lifted from the film, at least it's of Madonna actually performance, unlike "Into the Groove" from the same year. The club in which she performs is smokey, with pink neon and Madonna's big blonde mop pulled back with a marvellous '80s headband making for a striking piece of imagery. There are the ubiquitous movie clips spread throughout including one of star Matthew Modine sans shirt. Yes, that is acceptable.
The Awards: None for the song or the film, although it did receive a Grammy nomination for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance outside of the film categories.

4. "Beautiful Stranger"
From Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
The Year: 1999
The Song: Here's that word again... infectious! Such a collision of thrilling, exciting pop moments all in one big candy-coloured explosion. Obviously more in line with her upcoming 2000 release Music than her 1998 Ray of Light sound, this William Orbit collaboration is one of the golden secrets of Madonna's career. A lot of people seem to have forgotten it, but if they had to listen I am sure they'd remember it as the gleeful, up-tempo, brilliant slice of retro pop it most assuredly is. Those "da da"s are addictive!
The Film: Do we need to discuss the Austin Powers films? The first two are great, the third one is shite (and, hilariously, stars Beyonce Knowles who I suspect will become the Academy's next never-going-to-that-well performer) and we don't need a fourth.
The Video: A rare soundtrack video for Madonna where in she actually interacts with cast-members of the film she's singing about. In this great video Madonna is a "master of disguise" (hah dee hah hah) who is seducing top British agents (a sly wink to Madonna's emergence as a British woman no doubt) and Austin Powers must do his best to bring her down. Madonna having fun always means the audience will have fun and that's definitely the case here. The fun is... infectious.
The Awards: This should've been the song to finally do it. Surely the most egregious snub of Madonna's entire career. Not only did "Beautiful Stranger" win the Grammy Award for Best Song Written for a Motion Picture, but it did so by beating out two Oscar winners in the process! Not only was the song was a huge success, but it was released a time when Madonna was at the peak of her critical success, having just struck gold with her Ray of Light record and making waves with buzz for Music. She had been seen as having "paid her dues" by this stage and having matured greatly. Even in Academy circles this was surely hard to deny, and while she wasn't nominated for Evita, many noticed the effort she made in building her voice to take on the role and the lyrical maturity that she brought to her subsequent recordings. "Beautiful Stranger" was a winner at ASCAP, the Grammys and the Las Vegas Film Critics Society and was nominated by Golden Globes and the Brit Awards. The Academy Awards had a strong field that year including "Blame Canada" (South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut), "Save Me" (Magnolia) and "When She Loved Me" (Toy Story 2), but "You'll Be In My Heart" (Tarzan) and "Music of the Heart" (Music of the Heart) over "Beautiful Stranger"? Disgraceful. That ace video also won a Grammy for Best Video from a Film.

5. "I'll Remember (Theme from 'With Honors')"
From With Honors
The Year: 1994
The Song: This is the song on the list that actually most resembles the newbie, "Masterpiece", with their similar structure and musical sound. I've always had a deep fondness for "I'll Remember" ever since it first came out. It's really a lovely tune with that soothing humming laced over Madonna's flawless, gorgeous vocals as she sings about a great love. Coupled with "Rain" and that's the moment by childhood fondness and interest in Madonna became full-blown love. Not given its due amongst her back catalogue of envious music, this tender track is blissful.
The Film: Never seen it, but realising it was directed by Alek Keshishian and it's obvious why Madonna recorded a theme song for it, isn't it? I imagine With Honors would fit in quite comfortably alongside films like School Ties, Dead Poet's Society and other films of that collegiate ilk.
The Video: I've always linked "I'll Remember" and "Rain" together in my mind ("Rain" being a single released off of her 1993 album, "Erotica"). They share a similar aural aesthetic, Madonna hadn't yet retired the black wig look and the two videos both see Madonna on a stylised, sleek, manufactured set with people constructing a world around her as she simply stands/sits and sings the song. Perhaps a telling motif for her career, but they still make for lovely videos. At least with the "I'll Remember" video we get film clips in a more natural way, as Madonna performs the song in front of a screen as she's watched over by production staff of the film.
The Awards: With Honors received three award nominations and all of them were for Madonna's theme. "I'll Remember" was nominated in the original motion picture song category at the Golden Globe Awards, the Grammy Awards as well as the MTV Movie Awards. The Oscars, meanwhile, nominated "Can You Feel the Love Tonight", "Hakuna Matata" and "The Circle of Life" from The Lion King, "Look What Love Has Done" (Junior) and "Make Up Your Mind" (The Paper). I don't remember those last two ever existing just like I'm sure you don't either, but they were written by people like Randy Newman and Patty Smyth, so I guess they had to be nominated. This is by far one of the most ludicrous Oscar snubs for Madonna, surely.

6. "This Used to Be My Playground"
From A League of Their Own
The Year: 1992
The Song: Another childhood favourite of mine, "This Used to Be My Playground" belongs in the same wheelhouse as "Take a Bow" and the aforementioned "I'll Remember" and "Rain" as a particularly lovely period of music for Madonna. The entire song is a beautiful song about remembrance and memories, but it's those final chants towards the end that send it that little notch higher in my estimations. "wishing you were here with me", she coos as her vocals slowly sink away into the recesses of the mind. It's got an aching sadness behind it that I find absolutely haunting.
The Film: Does anyone not love - or at least somewhat enjoy - A League of Their Own? In all honesty, I think this is where my affection for the game of baseball began. And what better way to induct oneself into the sport than with Madonna, Geena Davis, Lori Petty and Rosie O'Donnell? Oh sure, Tom Hanks is there hamming it up, but even that's not so bad because the film is such a touching and sublime look at something that so rarely ever gets seen. Women's sports movies aren't exactly overflowing at the multiplex, but A League of Their Own remains a glowing high point. And for all the talk of movies like The Help, Bridesmaids and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn "proving" that women actually go to the movies, A League of Their Own proved it 19 years ago by grossing $132mil at the US box office on a $40mil budget. Madonna's performance is much like that of the one in Desperately Seeking Susan and a clear sign that she shouldn't have ventured too far from the Jersey Shore when prone to acting.
The Video: One of my favourites, this wonderfully executed video features an unseen person looking through a particularly Madonna heavy photo album. Subtle movements of the woman and her surroundings are nicely rendered (I love the sheer pages that, when pulled back, reveal the photo beneath) and there's a wonderful diversity amongst the imagery that allows Madonna to play around with the idea of image and looks. Occasional movie clips are featured, but not too frequently as to take away from the video's intimacy.
The Awards: I still can't quite fathom why "This Used to Be My Playground" wasn't nominated for the Academy Award. Was the Madonna backlash still going on? Even if it wasn't, it's not like the Academy had proven themselves to be a fan, but still... The song won the ASCAP Film & Television Music Awards prize for most performed song, and also received a Golden Globe nomination to go alongside Geena Davis' Best Actress in a Musical/Comedy nomination. The Academy decided to go with "Friend Like Me" and "A Whole New World" from Aladdin, "Run to You" and "I Have Nothing" from The Bodyguard, and "Beautiful Maria of My Soul" from The Mambo Kings. You'd think one of those Bodyguard songs could've gotten the boot, or that song from The Mambo Kings that I'm positive nobody could remember the tune of even if given hours or prep time.

7. "Who's That Girl"
From Who's That Girl
The Year: 1987
The Song: A Spanish flavoured treat that echoes "La Isla Bonita". If one was to listen to Madonna's biggest hits - of which "Who's That Girl" is one of - it would probably sound out of place as it hovers about in the territory between Madonna's balladeer mode ("Live to Tell") and her party mode ("Into the Groove"). It really is a charming song though and one of surprising variety with its Hispanic and Caribbean influences, Spanish lyrics and lush, soft vocals.
The Film: As much as I adore the song and I even have time for some of the songs on the "various artists" soundtrack that aren't Madge's, I think Who's That Girl is a woeful piece of filmmaking. Truly, it is. It's a riff on Bringing Up Baby and screwball in general, but it's all so completely off tone throughout. What makes Madonna's squeaky, high-pitched rattler voice even more intolerable is that whenever a "Who's That Girl" or a "Causing a Commotion" pops up on the soundtrack and we get to hear her actual voice and it's so nice. Sigh. What a train wreck of a film.
The Video: Seemingly dressed up like a man in an ill-fitting suit and a really ugly hat, Madonna walks around a glam rooftop as she looks into the reflections of a water feature only to be greeted by scenes from the film. Yes, it's another one of those videos, but I guess they worked at the time (especially since, you know, people watched music videos and weren't bombarded with internet marketing for films). I think it's a worrying sign when Madonna actually gives a better performance in the 90 minute movie than the 4 minute music video, but she does. Definitely one of my least favourite Madonna videos, it all amounts to not a lot. Disappointing given the bountiful opportunities presented to her by her own song.
The Awards: Madonna's first big awards play came for "Who's That Girl", which garnered both Golden Globe and Grammy nominations for original song in a motion picture as well as a win at ASCAP. It was her first of five Golden Globe nominations in the song category, although the has still yet to win one (she did, however, win a Globe for her performance in Evita). I don't really know why the Academy would find nominating "Who's That Girl" so beneath them and yet in the same year throw a nod to Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" from Mannequin, but there ya go. Oscar also went with "Cry Freedom" (Cry Freedom), "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" (Dirty Dancing), "Shakedown" (Beverley Hills Cop II) and "Storybook Love" (The Princess Bride).

8. "Die Another Day"
From Die Another Day
The Year: 2002
The Song: The Madonna/Mirwais period of Madonna's career is by far the most polarising. Some like the way his harsh, abrasive production melded with her edgier vocals throughout American Life (her best album to date) and the title track of the 20th entry of the James Bond franchise. Personally I love it, and it ranks as my favourite Bond theme outside of Shirley Bassey creations of the early entries (of course, if kd lang's "Surrender" had been officially made the theme of Tomorrow Never Dies we wouldn't even have to have this conversation). I think it works as a Bond theme because it is so radically eager to not sound like one, and reminds me an awful lot of Wings' "Live and Let Die" in the same regard. Perhaps the song would have been more fitting as a theme to Casino Royale, which had a dud theme despite its new beginnings mantra. Still, leaving out all the James Bond stuff and I still think the song is miraculous if for no other reason than the final 55 seconds, which are - to put it mildly - 55 of the most electric, gothically bonkers and implosive seconds of pop music from the entire decade. The production really is like some industrial DJ set. And, hey, "Sigmund Freud / Analyze this!" still makes me smile to this very day.
The Film: It perhaps fitting that for a franchise as all over the place as the Bond series that one of the strongest theme songs is attached to one of the weakest films. Die Another Day is a particularly silly film, but not a fun one. I know pure Bond fans aren't a fan of the campier incarnations, but surely they're a helluva lot better than this grey, sullen variety. Madonna's cameo notwithstanding, of course.
The Video: The one-two punch of videos for "Die Another Day" and "American Life" make up a magically angry time for Madonna in her videos career. Whereas "American Life" featured terrorism fashion shows, George W Bush, female armies and bloody warfare on the catwalk, the video for "Die Another Day" sees Madonna being interrogated and tortured by some nasty men (including one modelled after Jaws from Moonraker, just one of many references to prior Bond films), which is intercut between the mental battle of good vs evil inside her brain, which is taking place between two identical Madonna's. It's a thematically confounding video, but an audacious one. Visually, it moves between dingy torture chambers and extravagant, bright fencing palaces and all up cost $6,000,000, making it the second most expensive video of all time.
The Awards: Nominations from the Golden Globes, the Golden Satellites and the Phoenix Film Critics Society sit anxiously next to that nomination at the Razzie Awards. While the Razzies have always been keen to cite Madonna for her acting (and, one can only assume, for Worst Director for W.E. when the time comes), they have been refreshingly fine with her songs. They'll nominate her as Worst Actress for In Bed with Madonna (a documentary, although, admittedly, one in which she is portraying the idea of 'Madonna'), after all! They could have easily nominated anything she put out just to give her more gold-painted raspberry statues, but "Die Another Day" was the first and last time they've done so. Not even "American Pie" or anything from Evita tickled their fancy. Oscar, on the other hand, went with "Burn it Blue" (Frida), "Father and Daughter" (The Wild Thornberrys Movie), "The Hands That Built America" (Gangs of New York), "I Move On" (Chicago) and "Lose Yourself" (8 Mile).

9. "Gambler"
From Vision Quest
The Year: 1985
The Song: As far as I am aware, "Gambler" is the last single that Madonna has a sole writing credit on. A shame then because the song is so very good! Although, if "Hey You" is any indication, maybe it's good that she stopped altogether. Nevertheless, I know this is one of noted Madonnaphile Adem with an E's two fave Madonna songs (alongside "Get Together") and while I don't like it that much, it is still a funky ditty that remains a rarity amongst her touring roster having only ever performed in on The Virgin Tour in 1985.
The Film: See #2. Although, I must say, I do actually kinda want to watch this movie now purely to see how these performances seen in the music videos are integrated into the actual film.
The Video: Much like the "Crazy For You" video, "Gambler" mixes footage from Vision Quest with that of Madonna performing the song in a smoky club, her hair frizzed out to the extreme. In a rare moment of allowing herself to be seen as letting her guard down, the video features some nice behind the scenes footage and blooper reel type of stuff. It's interesting, but only goes further to position the song as a secondary tune that is of lesser interest.
The Awards: If "Crazy For You" got none then you can be assured this got even less.

10. "Time Stood Still"
From The Next Best Thing
The Year: 2000
The Song: I find it interesting that two of Madonna's most maligned tracks begin with the word "American". Both "American Pie" and "American Life" are disliked by many Madonna fans, hated by seemingly everyone else, and yet I find her cover of Don McLean's track to be actually rather lovely. It completely axes the bloat of the original and the swirling synthesised goodness that Madonna and producer William Orbit swathe the song in is charming and even a little bit nostalgic. Now, "American Pie" was featured on the soundtrack to The Next Best Thing as a way of, I assume, showing that the idea of a straight woman and a gay man wanting to have a baby is just as American as, well... you know. Still, from that same soundtrack came the unreleased "Time Stood Still". It's an album track for sure, but a nice one and probably has more dramatic heft in its 3 minutes and 48 seconds than The Next Best Thing has in its 108.
The Film: Having said that, I haven't actually seen The Next Best Thing. Madonna acting is far from the most unappealing thing about it! How about Rupert Everett or Benjamin Bratt? Or the general ickiness of the entire story? Yuk. No thanks!
The Video: The film wasn't a hit - although the soundtrack did decently - so no second single was released after "American Pie", alas there is no video.
The Awards: None, not even a Golden Globe nomination, although it's hard to know whether it was even submitted. The Oscars, in 2000, went with "A Fool in Love" (Meet the Parents), "I've Seen it All" (Dancer in the Dark), "A Love Before Time" (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon), "My Funny Friend and Me" (The Emperor's New Groove) and "Things Have Changed" (Wonder Boys).

So what can we learn from all of this? Basically, that Madonna needs to get her arse into the recording studio more often, whether she has an album coming out or not. Also: Ballads, Madge. Ballads.

Girls Girls Girls

2011-12-12T16:02:00.001+11:00

I absolutely flipped for Lena Dunham's Tiny Furniture several months back at MIFF and I keep longing for the day that I hear somebody has picked it up for release (even if a direct-to-DVD one). I mean, the film has been chosen as an upcoming Criterion release for crying out loud, why won't anybody pay attention?

Anyway, just now I jumped with excitement when I saw the following video mentioned briefly amongst my Twitter feed. It's a trailer - do TV shows have trailers or are they just considered adverts? promo reel? - for Girls, Dunham's new television series that is set to screen on HBO in April next year. Thankfully she being as embarrassed as ever and has remained blissfully entrenched in New York City. That it's executive producer is Judd Apatow is both appealing and worrying in equal measure, but since a lot of my Apatow frustrating comes from his inability to edit, perhaps the constrictive landscape of episodic TV will suit him well. The video below is very funny and anybody who saw and enjoyed Tiny Furniture will certainly get a kick out of it. It's almost an extension on that film, actually, but will hopefully expand upon Dunham's sadsack, humiliating twentysomething routine: "I think that I may be the voice of my generation. Or at least, a voice of a generation."

It's Psychotic

2011-12-09T12:20:00.001+11:00

This was certainly bizarre news to wake up to today. It turns out that a remake of American Psycho is in the works over at Lionsgate. It's being positioned as a "modern day re-imagining", which is just as terrifying a concept as an out-and-out remake. I was entirely on board for the Broadway musical adaptation, but this is just ridiculous to the nth degree.

I remember being disappointed, but hardly surprised, when the Spider-Man franchise was given the reboot only a few years after the original trilogy concluded (and some ten years after the first film brought about a new wave of box office records), but to redo the eleven-year-old American Psycho doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. It's not even like Mary Harron's brilliant 2000 horror-comedy was particularly popular - it's place in pop culture relies solely to its cast of Christian Bale, Reese Witherspoon and Jared Leto. It was my number three film of the decade, so to say I haven't the highest of hopes is to put it mildly.

I also can't help but feel that a modern day interpretation would be completely besides the point of both Bret Easton Ellis' novel, and Harron's satire adaptation. Harron's film was hardly the most faithful book-to-film we've ever seen, but it took the novel's heart, it's cold, brutal satire of the late 1980s consumerism, and turned it into a palatable, visually striking affair. Sure, we hardly needed to be reminded of 1989 excess, but do we really need an American Psycho for the "occupied generation"? We all know Wall Street is screwed up, so why tell us again in the guise of this brand-hopping remake?

I weep for the modernised take on scenes that featured the music of Huey Lewis and the News, Genesis and Whitney Houston. What are the modern day pop icons that "David Fincher protege" Noble Jones can twist into recalibrated symbols of decadence? Lady Gaga? LMFAO? Doubtful. What horror movies will this modern day Patrick Bateman watch on blu-ray as he does his crunches and metrosexualises himself? I guess that's where the term "torture porn" really will get its due.

Happy Feet Two & Homosexuality in the Animal Kingdom

2011-12-07T10:02:00.001+11:00

I went along to the Melbourne premiere of Happy Feet Two yesterday evening. Writer/Producer/Director/Chilli Button Aficionado George Miller was there (albeit sans chilli buttons for the first time I can recall), as was Robin Williams, who provides multiple voices throughout the animated film. For all of its faults - a rather uninspiring plot and, at times, aimless scripting - the film still more or less works thanks to the spectacular oddness that Miller injects in the proceedings. The original Happy Feet was certainly unafraid to be strange, and this sequel is the same, which is a refreshing change of pace from other animated films of 2011 that have all but had the whirring sound of the assembly line playing on the soundtrack. Happy Feet Two shares far more in common with Rango than Arthur Christmas, despite their similar chilly settings. Some good musical numbers (Pink's "Bridge of Light" should be an Oscar contender) and rather stunning animation and effects work made my initial misgivings about the project somewhat unnecessary. It's certainly much better than that other unasked for sequel to a 2006 animation hit, Cars 2. It's no patch on the original, but I suspect it's quirks will take longer to wedge in the mind.

One thing I didn't expect when I sat down in the cinema, however, was that Happy Feet Two would become the first mainstream animated film to feature an openly gay character. The only other one I can think of is The Spongebob Squarepants Movie, and yet even that didn't feel as blatantly open as Miller's toe-tapping adventure flick. I may be stretching the term "openly gay", but I find it hard to believe that anybody could deny the character of "Bill the Krill" is another other than a homosexual who is in love with his best friend, "Will the Krill". As voiced by Matt Damon, Bill not only expresses his desire to spend all of his time with Will (the voice of Brad Pitt), but suggests they adopt baby krill together. There's even a moment where Will, when he allows Bill to join him on his quest (a secondary plot strand to Happy Feet Two's narrative in the vein of, but much funnier than, Scrat in the Ice Age films), he tells Will "no hanky panky". Will - the alpha male in their little (ahem, pun unintended), special bromance - is clearly aware of his friend's preference and no real issue with it. Bill even sing's Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go". Hello!

The relationship of Will and Bill is the one aspect of Happy Feet Two that actually works on a three act arc. The rest of the film seems to dawdle about and rarely shines new dimensions on its characters that we didn't get from the original film. By film's end, Will has seemingly realised that he is in love with his best friend and wants to spend his life with Bill. The two crustacean share a literally eye-opening embrace and a speech about what it means to be a part of a community that is frequently looked down upon. The idea that krill are generally ignored by the bigger, badder animals of the Antarctica waters, despite their importance, feels awfully similar to the argument that gay men and women help make this world go around, but when asked to be given equal rights are frequently denied and told they aren't of any real concern. Penguins, whales and seals could, in this hypothetical allegory, be seen as the "every day working families" that the GLBT community are so frequently told by governments are more important; the ones who really matter.

I feel like I'm entering a rabbit's warren of make believe and fantasy, but I genuinely believe that George Miller is the sort of filmmaker who would very deliberately, and consciously, make an otherwise unnecessary subplot of his big budget animated film into a much larger portrait of a social issue he has a desire to explore. Will's desire to separate from the swarm seems, to me, to be a clear sign of his curiosity and desire to explore the world outside of the standardised norms that society has placed on him. He has many experiences - let's just say he ends up in a lot of foreign mouths - but eventually returns home to be with Bill and together they prove that one person can make a difference and an army can change the world. That they enact this by celebrating en masse in a sea of dancing and neon light is just beautifully-animated gravy. A gay nightclub for krill under the sea is not something you're ever likely to find in a Pixar or Dreamworks production, that's for sure.

Happy Feet Two is currently in release in America - sadly flopping, which has resulted in hundreds of people losing their job [EDIT: please read the comment section regarding this bit of information as it seems it is being misreported] - but is out (literally and figuratively) in Australia on Boxing Day. Am I alone in seeing the very obvious gay tones of this movie?

The Ladies Who Lunch with The Ides of March

2011-12-05T09:00:00.000+11:00

Last Friday afternoon I went along to the movies to catch up with The Ides of March. It's always a good time to go to the movies due to the dearth of horrible movie patrons who would seemingly rather do anything but watch the movie they paid money to see. As I took my seat in walked two nice old ladies who proceeded to sit down behind me. They discussed the delicious lunch they'd just devoured (one had a caeser salad, the other a focaccia) and as the trailers began to play they continued to provide a chucklesome running commentary.

On J. Edgar:
"Oh that Clint Eastwood always makes good movies, don't you think?"
"Oh yes. Judi Dench! She's fabulous."
"Mmmm."

On The Descendants:
"Another one with George Clooney? It looks like a good one."
"Who is that young girl?"
"I don't know."

On Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy:
"Hmmm. I like British movies."
"Oh I thought it was out soon. That's very disappointing."

On War Horse:
"It's about a horse."

On the "summer school holidays" ad that plays at Village:
"Do you think the kiddies would like The Muppets?"
"Doesn't everybody like the muppets?"

Amen to that!

They thankfully quietened down throughout the actual film, although one did gasp and whisper "Gotcha!" during one of Ides' concluding scenes. I can't say I agree with the ladies' thoughts on J Edgar, which looks interminable, but sit through it I shall, I suppose, at some stage. I'll consider it a success if it's better than Hereafter. Oh Hereafter, you are so very, very shit. Upon leaving the theatre the two ladies discussed the movie - I walked considerably slower than I normally would just so I could continue to eavesdrop - and it turns out they both enjoyed it. They were particularly fond of the "young guy" (I'm assuming they mean Gosling), but who isn't? As they walked past a big foyer standee for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, one of the ladies made the rather true observation that "I don't know who Rooney Mara is, but she is gorgeous!" Piercings and all. As I walked out of the cinema, I happened to spot Shannon "Bazura Project" Marinko who was waiting to go in and see... The Ides of March. Small world.

As for the film itself? Well, it's a very solid piece of filmmaking from George Clooney, who certainly doesn't want for confidence in front or behind the camera. I admired the low-key, but never flat cinematography and the occasionally curious use of music. Performances were generally all fantastic - I particularly liked the trio of Gosling, Wood and Tomei - but, and this is a very big but (ahem), I have to call foul on Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti. I am long on the record of not being a fan of either of these two men. Two actors who almost everybody can't help but stumble over with hyperbole. I have like Hoffman more often than Giamatti (his turns in Capote, Happiness and Doubt are, I feel, particularly strong), but their duelling shlubbery routine has grown incredibly tired. Hoffman has given the exact same performance twice this year in Ides and Moneyball. It's acting with a capital A. And a capital C, T, I, N, G, too. Followed by several exclamation points. Kitchen sinks, they own many. I feel positively exhausted watching these two perform, huffing and puffing their way through loud, shouty scenes. Hoffman proved in Capote that you don't need to shout in order to be powerful, so why does he keep playing these characters that require him to do so? It's tiresome. People have the same criticism about Nicole Kidman and her whispered delivery, but she alternates it enough and adds enough character-defining flourishes to make the performances in, say, Birth and Dogville completely and vividly different. I don't so much get that with Giamatti and Hoffman. Perhaps it's just my personal biases - one-dimensional masculine tropes aren't so much my thing - but I guess I can't change that. I wish I could see what everyone else sees, but I just don't.

I Hope This Night Will Last Forever: 28 Years of "Ain't Nobody"

2011-12-02T17:42:00.001+11:00

It's Friday afternoon so you'll forgive the utter triviality that is this entry and its lack of any real cinematic relevance. It's just that Chaka Khan's "Ain't Nobody" (actually credited to Rufus & Chaka Khan) has popped up a few times this week and I'm not sure why. First I found myself rediscovering the 1984 dance flick Breakin' (or Breakdance: The Movie which brings about all sorts of other possibilities: Upholstery: The Movie and so on) to which "Ain't Nobody" is a key soundtrack song. Then I discovered Mary J Blige has covered the song on her latest album, My Life II... The Journey Continues, and then just earlier today somebody on Twitter noted that their one of their favourite songs of 2011 was yet another rendition of the famous track. I say whaaat?

Was all of this the world's cosmic way of making me assemble a bunch of different versions of the song and rank them accordingly? If it wasn't, then the world's cosmic way is faulty because that is exactly what I intend to do. It's a corker of a song though, don't you think? Perfectly acceptable choice of focus for one of my rare music-centric blog posts. It's funny though because everyone who subsequently covers the track barely has to do anything to turn it into a hit. They just have to sing it and make sure they keep that funky groove going. It's similar in that regard to The SOS Band's "Just Be Good To Me", an equally funked out 1980s R&B stormer of a tune that a deaf and dumb mime could somehow turn into a hit. It's that reason why the worst version I've ever heard was KT Tunstall's, which is basically rubbish and she should not sing anymore.

My favourite rendition is - to little surprise - the 2003 cover by Richard X vs Liberty X. X's masterpiece album, Richard X Presents His X Factor, was so radically ahead of its time that listening to it today is like some miraculous event that I can't believe is really happening. Before the likes of David Guetta and Mark Ronson did the same, Richard X was amassing large groups of pop makers and giving them bonza tracks to sing as if they'd entered a time machine in 1984 and landed in 2191. Amidst tracks with the Sugababes, Kelis, Tiga, Jarvis Cocker and Javine was this collaboration with British reality contestants Liberty X, which mixed the lyrics of Khan's "Ain't Nobody" with the groove of The Human League's "Being Boiled". It's rather brilliant, don't you think? Following on from that is Jaki Graham's cover very much in the dance style of 1994 (you absolutely must watch that video, dripping in 1990s hilarity!), then the Rufus and Chaka Khan original from 1983, The Course's dubsteppish version from 1997, Mary J Blige's recent cover, a George Micheal's live performance from Rock in Rio, Kelly Price's rendition for the soundtrack of Bringing Down the House (yes, that movie!), a Diana King cover tinged in dancehall reggae, a rather bombastic live at the Brits by the Bedingfield siblings, a bizarre song called "Go" by somebody called Delilah that samples the lyrics, KWS feat. Gwen Dickey (lead singer of disco outfit Rose Royce!) and their very straighforward 1994 rendition and then LL Cool J's rather uninspiring cover for the soundtrack of Beavis and Butthead Do America. Yeah, that one confuses me too.

It's amazing how many covers there are, how alike they all are, and yet how many times I can listen to the song over and over again without wearing out its welcome. And just for a giggle, at the end is the original scene from Breakin'! It's dorkiness knows no bounds. Enjoy and have a great weekend!

Richard X vs Liberty X (2003) | Jaki Graham (1994)

Rufus & Chaka Khan (1983) | The Course (1997)

Mary J Blige (2011) | George Michael (1991)

Kelly Price (2003) | Diana King (1995)

Daniel & Natasha Bedingfield (2005) | Delilah (2011)

KWS feat. Gwen Dickey (1994) | LL Cool J (1996)

John Waters Lives in the Skin

2011-12-02T11:06:00.001+11:00

I normally wouldn't bother posting this little tidbit, but since I got to interview the man earlier this year, I feel like I have to keep y'all abreast of his activities. John Waters has yet again listed his top ten films of the year over at Art Forum and, as usual, it is a bizarre mix of mainstream, ultra arthouse and seemingly everything in between. I was half expecting something along the lines of A Serbian Film or The Human Centipede 2 to find a place, but I guess that would have been too predictable. Instead we get Justin Bieber: Never Say Never, which is probably equally as predictable, but lovingly so. As you do.

1 The Skin I Live In (Pedro Almodóvar) A dark, twisted, beautiful, and, yes, funny shocker from the greatest director in the world. God bless you, Pedro Almodóvar!
2 Mildred Pierce (Todd Haynes)
3 Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (Jon M. Chu)
4 Hadewijch (Bruno Dumont)
5 Kaboom (Gregg Araki)

You can find out the rest of his top ten, as well as read what he has to say about all of them, at Art Forum. I love what he wrote about Mildred Pierce, "...makes everyone who watches secretly yearn to be a woman with issues." Hah. Don't we all secretly wish we were a character in a 1950s melodrama dealing with the issues? John Waters speaks the truth. I haven't seen Mildred Pierce, although I do find it hard to believe that it's "the best period film in decades", but to each their own. I also like that he included Gregg Araki's chaotic, but hilarious, campus comedy Kaboom, since it reminded me so much of Waters' own work. Meanwhile, do you reckon they chose the image from Almodovar's ("bless you, Pedro Almodóvar!", indeed) The Skin That Live In to the left to illustrate his article because the man in it actually looks like Waters himself traipsing about Almodóvar's set? I think so!

A Waste of a Good Documentary

2011-12-01T21:50:00.001+11:00

A couple of weeks back the shortlist of documentary contenders for the upcoming Academy Awards was released. As usual, there were a whole lot of cries of "snub!" "out of touch!" "what were they thinking?" and so forth. Granted, as is the case every year, the Academy's documentary branch did indeed leave off some of the year's most noteworthy titles: Asif Kapadia's sublime beyond the grave narrative Senna, and Steve James' The Interrupters (which I keep, rather unfortunately, confusing with The Inbetweeners) were the top titles on most people's venomous pens. Personally, I was more upset at the absence of Tristan Patterson's evocative slacker skater flick, Dragonslayer (review here), but was certainly pleased to see Wim Wender's 3D dance documentary, Pina, shortlisted and can only hope it makes the final five when announced early next year.

Still, I couldn't help but wonder if all the people complaining about the lack of their favourite documentary titles had actually bothered to see the shortlisted titles. I raise this question because when last year's documentary shortlist was announced I had never heard of Lucy Walker's Waste Land other than glancing upon it in the Melbourne International Film Festival guide. The film, which follows an artist (Vik Muniz) who aims to make art out of very literal garbage in the slums of Rio de Janeiro, founds its way onto the Academy's nomination ballot and today receives a limited release in Australia, a release that most assuredly would not have eventuated if not for the Academy Award nomination that many would have gladly shoved aside, I'm sure, for something like Werner Herzog's hipster National Geographic nonsense, Cave of Forgotten Dreams.

The film is indeed as good as it's small, but heavy, awards cabinet would suggest. A winner at both the Sundance and Berlin film festivals, Waste Land succeeds at being both a rousing heartwarming tale of the down and out rising and taking control of their lives, whilst also being a fascinating look at the creation of art and whether one man's art can indeed change a person's life other than their own. Essentially split into two distinct halves, Waste Land begins by following Muniz as he navigates the landfills of Rio to find suitable subjects for his large canvas works of art. He comes across many folks that could be easily be passed off as merely "characters", but who prove the artist's faith in them was warranted by being exceptionally entertaining and also dramatically potent. The second half then moves away from the litter-strewn tip and follows these workers as they collaborate with Muniz to create the art that they are both skeptical and hopeful about.

It's a sublime portrait (to use an artistry term) of resolve, but never shies away from the at times crippling sadness that comes with people who have found themselves, through one tragedy or another, working amidst the rubbished mountains of the landfill. Your face's smile reflex will be on high alert during the final act as the toils of their labour come to fruition. Perhaps Muniz's process of wanting to show beauty in garbage is too overt and anybody with a particularly weak tolerance for dripping, slimy, putrid rubbish won't be able to handle some of the ickier sequences, but there's little denying that Waste Land manages to succeed in proving Muniz's hypothesis. No matter how big or how little, Muniz's art has indeed changed the lives of everybody it touched and watching it happen is a beauty to behold, to matter how ugly it is in the interim. Despite the film's dingy setting, Lucy Walker and her co-director Karen Hartley have made Waste Land look and sound as vibrant as possible. Music by Moby is an interesting decision, but works to highlight the more potent sequences without being manipulative, but thankfully Walker never mistakes who the film is about and always allows its eclectic cast to shine. Waste Land is a wonderful documentary and one that was so very deserving of its Oscar nomination. B+