I'll always be there for a new Chainsaw flick, I really will. The first film is genuinely one of the two or three scariest films I've ever seen, and perhaps the best horror movie ever made. Even though the sequels are generally all awful, there's something about the downright terrifying idea that will always provoke some sort of response from me. Good or bad, these films never leave me with a shrug.
Set some 30 years after the original (I assume that's not just a failed attempt at 1974 chic, right?), Texas Chainsaw 3D (who needs words like "Massacre", or "The", really?) sees a midriff-baring relative of the Sawyer clan inherit a house that was built on land owned by her family. Or something. I'm not really sure how that works. I mean, the house featured here certainly isn't the same one from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, ya know? Maybe Leatherface and company upgraded in the early '80s before they got caught? Maybe they really like billiards? Whatever. Naturally, Leatherface is still hanging around and even pushing 60 (surely?) he's able to swing that rusty blade around with aplomb as these nubile, semi-naked teens strut about his homestead. Or maybe it's "Son of Leatherface" and the makers just didn't want to make audiences burst out into hysterical lulz during the trailer. Third act twist, here we come!
Look, as I said, I'll see it, but I just find the entire thing so weird. One of the franchise's greatest assets has been that each entry has its own style, whether it be authentic documentary styled, glossy piss-stained Hollywood look, grungy redneck slasher, bizarro world comedy... This one seems to have none at all. The house seems to mirror that of the remake, as does the exterior location with the car. Even angles and shots seems to replicate that of Nispel's film, not to mention the inclusion of a scene where the screamy friend and the level-headed final girl are trapped in a van being stalked by the killer, as well as one of Leatherface showing off his sowing skills. Is this a remake of the remake, perhaps?
I like the idea of Leatherface venturing into populated territory - there appears to be a shot of one character being chased on the steps of a town hall like building, as well as a fairground sequence - and the 3D aspect should certainly be eye-catching (eye gouging? eye tearing?) to say the least. The return of Marilyn Burns and Gunner Hansen also piques my interest. I'm very skeptical, but maybe there's something to it that they're holding back. I certainly can't say I wouldn't appreciate a surprise or two.
Also: How dumb must you be to hide in a freakin' buried coffin? Answer: very!
Lastly: How great is the poster up top? Answer: very!
Hi-res images via Bloody Disgusting