"I shoved a basketball up my dress in between putting on all this make-up and having all that sex."
"See, if I hold this fake baby stomach like this it looks like I just came from a Jane Fonda Workout for Mommies class."
"When I invert my body like this it kinda looks like I'm actually preggers. Never mind that though, pregnancy sucks, but atleast I had time to do my hair up like a Texan football mom!"
"No really, I'm not pregnant. Do I look pregnant to you? Because I'm not. I'm not going to stand side on just so you can look at me pretending to be fat when I'm not actually fat. Do these eyebrows make me look pregnant?"
"I'm so full from that chicken salad, I could barf."
Those were awful.