After yesterday's show I learnt a few things and thought I would share. I'm giving like that, you see.
I want... Michael Fassbender. Aka Michael Fassboner. Aka we've already seen his dick so the constant jokes about it being the size of War Horse are a touch off base, but it's still fun to hear a man's genitals so opening discussed in pop culture rather than merely the size of a woman's breasts. Sure, it's reversed objectification, but we are only human and gawking at pretty people is surely just a part of our DNA. And, hey, if it's good for George Clooney...
At least Michael here is having fun with it. You bite that finger, Michael.
I want... more Sofia Vergara. Like, in everything. She is clearly best in show on Modern Family (although let's not forget Julie Bowen, who I was so glad won the Emmy last year because that sort of straight man performance can go criminally ignored and unrewarded - still, why hasn't Vergara won one yet?) and at yesterday's event (and many times prior) proved that she has the ability to pull that personality out of a hat at any given moment. The speech she helped give for the series' win in Best Comedy Series was one of the very, very few speech jokes that actually worked. Plus: this
I just love how completely unphased she is by everything and continues to be a big ol' elastic dork. She and Charlize Theron had such great, overflowing personalities during the awards red carpet and subsequent show (even with Theron suffering from laryngitis!) that it's hard to imagine how anyone could find the likes of Rooney Mara interesting when these two are within a million miles.
Perhaps I'm alone on this, but a beard and curly hair combo will get me nearly every time (see also further down the list as well as the unseen Bradley Cooper).
Joe Reid put it on Twitter, "pulling focus in all background shots."
Please bring back Cougar Town, y'all! What! Whaaat!
I want... Laura Dern cast in more things. Like, basically anything. I will take Laura Dern in ANYTHING! I haven't even seen any of this Enlightened program and I squealed when her name was announced as the winner of Best Actress in a Comedy Series (or whatever the Globes' ridiculously long category name is). She is always good value, whether its as unofficial David Lynch muse (Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, INLAND EMPIRE), in thorny arthouse titles (Citizen Ruth, We Don't Live Here Anymore, Year of the Dog), big budget blockbusters (Jurassic Park), family fare (October Sky), icy political biopic (another Golden Globe-winning performance in Recount), or any of her other roles (hey, remember her on Ellen?!). One of the awards' highlights was watching Dern's mother, her Wild at Heart and Enlightened co-star Diane Ladd, getting very emotional seeing her daughter on stage.
And, hey, if she shows up to awards shows looking like she did yesterday then please nominate her every single year! Christmas tree gif courtesy of The Film Experience. THE FACE!
I want... Ewan McGregor. No explanation necessary, right? RIGHT?!?! Words, there are none. Don't even try, 'cause he's still got it.
Even now. Still. Never quit.
I want... Jessica Chastain and Melissa Leo to co-star as a mother-daughter Texan trailer trash pair who "done good", but still can't shake their pasts. Of course, Chastain must have the same hair that she wore down the red carpet yesterday and Leo must be as bizarrely coiffed as she was at the 2008 Academy Awards when she was nominated for Frozen River. It'll be big hair paradise and we know they can do unshakeable trash (The Help, The Fighter)!
Either that or Jessica Chastain can just star in a comedy Fergie!: Dutchess of Yorkshire Puddings as Sarah Ferguson. You just know if that particular biopic was ever made that it would have to be a comedy. No way could they Iron Lady out that doozy of a story into anything remotely close to being a drama.
I want... these three women to get the credit their outfits demand.
Jamie Bell was right, Evan Rachel Wood did stun!
In regards to fashion, I was also a fan of Laura Dern, Emma Stone, Tilda Swinton, Viola Davis, Emily Blunt (who didn't walk the red carpet as far as I can tell, but looked amaze in a canary yellow sequin number), Madeleine Stowe, Octavia Spencer, Salma Heyak (or, at least, the skirt), Madonna, Tina Fey, Sofia Vergara (loved the texture to that mermaid tail), Nicole Kidman, Sarah Michelle Gellar (an unpopular choice, sure, but I dug it), Angelina Jolie (love the bold splash of colour that brings your attention to her face and not, say, her arse or left leg or whatever) and Kate Winslet.
I want... more shout outs to the likes of Mia Wasikowska (Jane Eyre) and Adepero Oduye (Pariah) by the likes of Meryl Streep. So much more deserving than George Clooney yet again talking about just how gosh darn great Brad Pitt. If he's so great, how about you go back in time and tell the Globe voters to vote for him instead of you. I mean, Moneyball is a far better film than The Descendants by a long, wide margin and Pitt is much better, effortlessly so which probably explains the reason why Moneyball hasn't become his own Erin Brockovich, than Clooney, too. Basically, The Descendants and The Iron Lady are so incredibly shit that even their winners can't help but give props to other more deserving candidates. I feel like I've gone off track with this one and since I didn't like what Meryl was wearing, I will not include a picture.
I want... more of this at awards shows!
Viola Davis thanking the waiter for topping up her champagne was one of the highlights of the event. And, if I remember correctly, this was before her category was even announced so had she won we would have hopefully had a funny, somewhat drunken speech to go alongside the elegant, eloquent speech she gave the Critics Choice awards just a few days earlier.
I want... more of this while we're at it!
Can these two make a movie together that's not, ya know, Baby Mama or whatever that shite was. Actually, can Tina Fey just try and make a movie as good as Mean Girls again? Remember that? That was fun.
I want(ed)... Ryan Gosling. He was apparently swanning about some foreign country filming a movie, but I wanted him in my