Thursday, August 26, 2010

When Bad Posters Strike: Unstoppable

Back in the very early days of this blog when I started writing about the bad movie posters that I started noticing with alarming regularity I wrote about a movie called Deja Vu. It featured Denzel Washington standing with his face a 45 degree angle and fire shooting out of his shoulder and neck. It's comforting to know that Denzel (or, more specifically, the movies he makes) haven't changed all that much since 2006 - gold star for consistency, then - that they get to just re-use the basic premise of his old posters over and over again.

However, if I (and you) thought the Deja Vu poster was bad, which it was, then nothing could quite prepare me for the poster for Unstoppable, a thriller with a terrible generic title that I had never heard of before. Behold.

Oh look, there's Denzel Washington with his head at a regal 45 degree angle with fire shooting out of him. However, I am sure you have eyes and can tell that that isn't the worst part of this poster. No, the worst aspect of it is, quite obviously, Chris Pine. I actually didn't even recognise him at the bottom (oh, yeah, it's a stripe pattern - BOOOooo) because he has been Photoshopped into oblivion.

He looks kinda like Chris Pine if you squint and imagine him as the lady from Goldfinger who's painted in gold. He looks like a character from Grand Theft Auto more so than anything else. Everything about him looks computer generated including his eyes, his whiskers and his skin. Even the pores look face, like they might do in a cartoon to give the character "realism". Maybe he's C3P0's humanoid 2.0 cousin.

It must be said that I didn't know anything about this movie before seeing this poster, and apart from knowing it exists and that it stars Denzel Washington and Chris Pine I still don't know a thing. Is it a gripping thriller about a pair of welders? Is that was all those sparks signify? It is apparently "inspired by true events", but that little bit of prized information doesn't mean anything when the poster says absolutely nothing about what the movie is about. What a bunch of rubbish this poster is.

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