Thursday, June 10, 2010

When Bad Posters Strike: Secretariat

This poster is abominable.

Not so much the imagery that all but cues Vangelis' Chariots of Fire theme music, not necessarily the fact that half the poster is filled up of moody skies (ala Seabiscuit) when it is, supposedly, an uplifting tale of an underdog overcoming a bunch of nonsense identical to Seabiscuit. I can even get away with naming your horse racing movie after a horse that happened to be saddled with a stupid, stupid name - I hear Secretariat and two other horses ganged up on their evil stable master by typing him up and turning the stable into a daycare centre - no, the main reason this poster is abominable is this:


I hate whoever did that piece of tagline copy. I truly hate them. If they saw me walking down the street and they stopped me to say "I wrote the tagline for that movie about the horse who can type 117 words a minute!" I would probably punch them in the face and tell them how impossible that true story really was. I hope a warehouse of these posters gets set on fire and the studio boss can be all "I don't believe it" and then I'd be there to tell him "but it's a true story! I hate you!" and then I'd punch him in the face.

I hate its stupid horse face and its stupid horse tagline and its stupid fake sky and it's stupid horse-who-can-make-a-great-cup-of-coffee title. Maybe if the story was actually so truly "impossible" then it wouldn't have happened and I would never have to get so angry about something so contradictory and silly.


Joel said...

The first thing my mind read when I saw this poster was 'Seabiscuit'. I had to look again before I actually realised it said Secretariat.
And if I didnt bother seeing Seabiscuit, there is little chance I'll bother with this one.

seanisbored said...

The implication that Diana Lane is starring as a horse and John Malkovich as his female trainer certainly isn't helping.

RC said...

I agree - awful tagline.

Sidenote, I feel like if this film get's any love from the critics (hard to tell) or extreme fan love, then I think John Malkovich is one to watch for award season -- in the preview he seemed to really do a nice job.

Troll said...

Good post. I think the movie is going to terrible. That makes me sad.