Monday, February 9, 2009

Can You Donate Blood?

As the emergency in my home state of Victoria gets even worse I did the natural thing earlier and thought "Hey, I'm going to donate blood." I've done it before and I handled it fine. I went to the Red Cross website and took the "are you eligible" thing. Let's see how I went:



No I'm not, thank god (er, sorry JD)


No I'm not. I love that apparently anybody over the age of 70 has black and white photos on their wall of old stuff like Muhammad Ali.


Ew, no!


Last time I checked I wasn't. This just reminds me, oddly, of that scene in Juno where she's flinging the pregnancy test all around the shopping mart. You know, the test she just peed on. And that reminds me of Rainn Wilson, which is an unfortunate happening any day of the week.


Not twins, anyway.


This is my absolute favourite. Always has been since that advertising campaign started a few years back. Quite inspired, actually. Alas, no. No I do not.


Eep, maybe! I don't eat red meat anywhere near as much as I used since moving out of home a long time ago.


I did not so I can't have mad cow disease. Hurray!


Thanks! I can now dona... oh, wait. There's a hidden mystery question that they failed to ask. So, as the Red Cross fail to ask it up front let me put it here in case you are unaware:

ARE YOU A DIRTY SLUTTY FAG WHO OBVIOUSLY HAS AIDS AND HEPATITIS AND WHOSE BLOOD IS AS GOOD AS TOXIC BECAUSE EW GROSS WE DON'T WAIT YOUR BLOOD EVEN THOUGH I'M SURE WE NEED IT? YOU'LL SPREAD YOUR SEX GERMS TO EVERYONE AND INFECT THEM YOU DIRTY DIRTY QUEER HOMOS!!!!

Okay, so I paraphrased a bit there, but I think you get the picture.

11 comments:

Dave said...

Humour is the only way to deal with this. And so I will quote Lily:

"So you say
It's not okay to be gay
Well I think you're just evil"

And I didn't know that having lived in Britain meant you can't give blood. Although I suppose you can if you... live in Britain.

JackAttack said...

Is it because some people would rather die than have the blood of a homo flowing through them? Sad.

JA said...

One drop of our blood will make the straightest man alive desperate to have cocks stuffed into his every orifice. IT'S BEEN SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN.

seanisbored said...

Fuckers, it's the same in Ireland. I guess our blood is too fabulous for them.

J.D. said...

But gay blood is delicious?

Ben Rylan said...

Hey Glenn, this issue has been boiling my blood for a while now. I've written numerous article about it for the gay press, one of which I've just re-posted on my blog in light of your excellent rant. Take a look: http://sugacoobs.blogspot.com/2009/02/cross-me-off.html

Runs Like A Gay said...

When I was in my early 20s I used to donate blood on a regualr basis and used to lie when filling out the form. Now I'm older I've become more hardline about my sexuality and have decided never to lie about it again.

I don't know if my blood was ever used, or if it saved anyone's life, but I hope it was and I hope that one day the people who have been given that extra chance will be in a position where they can look at the statistics and help change this blatant form of discrimination.

RJ said...

Luckily, my fondness for tattoos means I'm rarely eligible.

FranklinBluth said...

What a fucking joke. And, if they are going to be so blatantly discriminating, they should put it on the ad campaign, and see how long they would get away with it.

Kamikaze Camel said...

I know! The most irritating bit of all is that they don't even put it up front because they know there's no way around it without coming off as discriminating arseholes.

Jack said...

I was DQ'd from donating blood in high school for exactly this reason, and I think they told me my name would be put on some blacklist that covered all Texas blood banks. The girl giving the survey was nonplussed and rude, too- seems she'd never encountered anyone who had answered yes to that question. The good part was returning to my English class and loudly announcing that I couldn't donate because I'd had sexual contact with another man in the last seven years- my teacher was touchy and conservative.