Thursday, September 25, 2008

Aloud, Girls Aloud

Today over at the ever-resourceful InContention they linked to a funny post by music bible website PopJustice (yeah, POPJUSTICE is being linked on an American Oscar site! Never thought I'd see the day, quite frankly). In the comments, however, something much more amazing was being discussed than just how bad the new James Bond Quantum of Solace theme song "Another Way to Die" is.

a Girl Aloud Bond theme, something manically constructed and wildly produced along the lines of “Biology,” would be genius. At the very least, it would be more fun.

I know the producers of Quantum of Solace are seemingly desperate beyond belief to not even have their film be associated with anything that the franchise stood for in the past to a lot of people (ie; fun, guns, girls and gadgets) so they would never ever in a million years go to Girls Aloud for a theme song, but just try and imagine it for a minute.

1... 2... 3... ... 58... 59... 60...

There. Have you thought about it? I'll see if I can imagine what you're thinking:

"AMAZING!"

And if you're not then, well, you're a nutjob. Girls Aloud performing a James Bond theme song would instantly be the greatest thing known to mankind. Make a song with a little bit of "Biology", a splash of "Sexy! No No No", a dash of "Something Kinda Ooh" a splish of "The Promise" and a nice healthy dollop of "Black Jacks" and you would have the first Bond theme song to truly rival the Shirley Bassey era.

Not only would the song be the first Bond theme to actually be a chart hit since Tina Turner's ace "Goldeneye" - well, in countries other than the USA because we all know America is allergic to good pop music - but the videoclip would be truly astounding. Picture all five of the lovely Aloud ladies playing different famous Bond girls from the past!

Cheryl Cole as "Honey Rider" in Dr No

Nadine Coyle as "Pussy Galore" in Goldfinger

Nicola Roberts as "Plenty O'Toole" in Diamonds are Forever

Sarah Harding as "Pola Ivanova" in A View to a Kill

Kimberley Walsh as "Xenia Onatopp" in GoldenEye

Although considering how much fake tan she uses she could probably pass as Grace Jones from A View to a Kill.

So, again, it would be AMAZING! And, yes, for what it's worth Jack White and Alicia Keys' Bond theme is terrible. It's called a tune, folks. Get one.

6 comments:

Peter said...

Dr Sexy No No No surely LOL hahaha *falls asleep*

elgringo said...

Maybe this is just American ignorance screaming out here but...who are Girls Aloud?

Dame James Henry said...

Using a Girls Aloud Bond theme would be too gay for the butched up Daniel Craig Bond (they may have gotten away with it with Pierce Brosnan) but it would still be an epic song. To work, it would have to be a song as relentlessly full force and batshit crazy as "Sexy! No No No...", something that gets stuck in your head quickly and won't let go throughout the rest of the film.

Glenn said...

elgringo, Girls Aloud are one of the greatest ever pop groups and one of the few "girl groups" to break through to receive critical and even indie press praise.

pb said...

elgringo - Girls Aloud are now the most successful girl group the UK has ever produced(The USA are probably still mourning the demise of The Spice Girls, who incidently are crap compared to GA.)Anybody disagreeing about them doing a Bond theme should watch the last third of the "No Good Advice" video which looks like it's from an actual Bond credit sequence. Personally I think they'd make a bloody good job of it if asked. "Another Way To Die" is easily the worst Bond theme ever.

HolidaysForFun said...

Plenty o toole was sexy