Wednesday, August 20, 2008

44 Points on The Strangers

I figured that considering how much I talked about The Strangers here at my blog, I should actually write about it now that I've seen it. I'm not sure why I chose the number 44. I just did.

1. I saw it with Adem (with an e) who is always good a laugh, but before the movie started we had a hilarious conversion about dull-as-dishwater Dido and Fire, the short-lived TV series that starred Georgie Parker, Tottie Goldsmith and Deborra-Lee Furness.

2. The cinema we saw The Strangers at played, amongst others, Ladyhawke and The Presets. When did Readings Cinemas get such good taste in pre-show music?

3. That opening bit about being "inspired by a true story" was kinda hilarious, no? Although I found it interesting that The Texas Chain Saw Massacre did the exact same thing despite even more tenuous ties to reality.

4. Flashbacks within flashbacks and we're not even five minutes in!

5. It's still quite hilarious to think that I actually PAID MONEY to see a movie at the CINEMA that stars SCOTT SPEEDMAN AND LIV TYLER. It's like a Twilight Zone episode or something. Up is down, left is right.

6. This French poster amuses me greatly considering at no point to Speedman and Tyler's character have sex.

7. Nor do the events that transpire in this poster.

8. Speaking of posters, there was "great debate" (ie; some people questioned it) as to why Liv's fingers are pointed downwards in this poster, and having now seen the film I can answer why: In the movie Tyler is actually smoking a cigarette when that moment happens. So they photoshopped it to make it appear that she's about to shoot lasers from her fingers and fire off into the galaxy (or, ya know, whatever).

9. Liv really did smoke a lot in this movie.

10. Which was funny considering Adem just quit smoking.

11. That bit where the baghead man appears in the window for the first time made the whole cinema jump and then a simultaneous laugh as we all realised what fools we were being played like viomalins.

12. I love how the film's IMDb profile has the following as "key words":

Vulgarity | Butcher Knife | Axe | Flower Petals | Stabbed To Death

Can you pick the odd one out?

13. You know, I watched that trailer countless times, yet the bit where Baghead (that's what I'm calling him from now on, okay, I've just decided) walked into the background still creeps me the hell out. Like, seriously! Jesus! WTF?!

14. I knew that Gemma Ward was in The Strangers, but isn't it freaky how easy it was to recognise her? I mean, she's all covered up in less-than-model-like fashions and her face is covered for the whole movie, yet one look at the character (even in the shadows of her first appearance) and I could tell it was her. Weird.

15. Speaking of Gemma Ward, is she already the most successful model turned actress... ever?! The only other name I can think of who has had any success in that area is Elle McPherson, who has starred in several movies (including Sirens with, omg, Geelong's own Portia de Rossi and a brief recurring role on Friends, but who else? Considering Ward already has this movie, which has done incredibly well at the box office as well as the greatly-received Aussie drama The Black Balloon, for which I reckon she's a sure bet for an AFI Best Supporting Actress nomination.

16. Although I guess it would be hard to top Tyra Banks' fierce run of Life-Size, Coyote Ugly and Halloween: Resurrection, no?

17. Wait, why haven't I seen Life-Size? It has Tyra and Lindsay Lohan!

18. The Strangers just proves that the scariest things are, quite literally, things that go bump in the night.

19. Really! SCOTT SPEEDMAN AND LIV TYLER!!!! I cannot stress enough how bizarre that is.

20. Before the movie started they showed trailers for Step Brothers and Tropic Thunder. I want those four minutes of my life back plz. Step Brothers, especially, looks awful. Isn't Martin Lawrence meant to be in those sort of movies, not Academy Award-nominee John C Reilly.

21. "Is Tamara home?" I think I just died a little.

22. Is this not the worst DVD art you have ever seen? EVER?!?!

23. No, really, just look at it!

24.

25. I'm absolutely gobsmacked at how painfully terrible that artwork is. Truly terrible in every single possible sense of the word.

26. I'm still trying to get over how bad that DVD cover is. For real.

27. Who let's those things pass? Aaagh! Moving on.

28. I think I found Ils scarier, but The Strangers was the better movie. At least this one was a good 15 minutes over feature length, so that's something.

29. Sorry, one more time - THAT DVD COVER IS TERRIBLE!!!!

30. Who has a record player these days? And who has modern day records that they actually play on a record player anymore? I have Prince's Purple Rain on Vinyl, but that's to adorn my wall. Who just happens to own Joanna Newsom on vinyl and just happens to keep it at a cabin in the woods?

31. You know, for someone seemingly trying to hide from "the strangers", Tyler's character did a helluva job knocking into every single photo frame on the wall, sending it plummeting to the ground. SMASH!

32. That wasn't as bad as in Prom Night though where characters would walk into a pink and purple elephant if there had been one gallivanting around in the lobby.

33. Difference is, Prom Night was hysterical, The Strangers was not.

34. Oh, but it was very funny when Tyler went to grab a knife and instead of pulling out a mothafuckin' "Crocodile" Dundee-style knife she pulls out a piss weak steak knife. Ooh, how menacing!

35. One of my absolute favourite movie cliches is when the hero/ine spots the villain somewhere, whether it be out a window or across the street and then suddenly they're gone. Sometimes it's because they looked away and when they turned back the villain had conveniently disappeared, of - best of all - when a car drives past, somehow giving them enough time to, oh I dunno, hide behind the nearest bush. Brilliant.

36. Where's the cat jumping out implausibly from a closet when you really need one, hey?


37. Unfortunately Gemma Ward's "Dollface" character does not stalk her victims wearing this outfit. A slight bit impractical.


38. If ever a movie needed to be less glossy, it is this. Director Bryan Bertino, whilst showing incredibly promise for the future, could've really turned - to coin a phrase - the grindhouse up and made it all scratchy and loopy and it would've been better.

39. That ending was tres silly. You'd think if you're going to go to much trouble then you'd at least try and... well, ya know. Finish.

40. There wasn't really much there, hey?

41. Let's take one last moment to marvel at that atrocious DVD artwork, shall we?



42. See what I mean?

43. At least the movie was good!

44. B

11 comments:

Ben Wilson said...

Now let's not forget Sarah Murdoch's Oscar-worthy performance in the Freddie Prinze Jr classic Head Over Heels (I use "oscar" and "classic" loosely here).

But forgive her we must. Her stint on the Today show proved she is multi-talented after all.

Syms Covington said...

So....are you looking forward to Baghead then?

http://www.sonyclassics.com/baghead

Kamikaze Camel said...

Ben, let's never go there ever again.

Syms, I'd only ever heard of that movie in passing, never really researched what it was.

FranklinBluth said...

successful model-turned-actress

Milla Jovovich

Kamikaze Camel said...

I had forgotten about her. Good catch. Although what has happened to her?

FranklinBluth said...

Well, I think her 'resident evil' franchise is still going strong, but I also think that she is back into modelling bigtime, I think she is the face of some new lipstick? Plus, IMDB has her in three movies being released in 2009!

unclemike said...

That French poster looks kinda Spanish.

Anonymous said...

I'm French so I can tell you it's NOT French but Spanish...

Glenn said...

I thought it was Spanish, but IMP said French so I figured. Oh well.

Catherine said...

Hahaha. This was funny. I can't wait to see this film, it opens here next week. A few things:

9. I'm a violent anti-smoker in real life, but I go nuts over people smoking in films. Love it!

17. You have to see LifeSize! I bought the dvd a couple of months ago. It's hysterical, especially the song that Tyra sings.

30. I have a record player! And I do buy modern day records to play on it[/geek]. I don't own any Joanna Newsom vinyl, though. YET.

Adem With An E said...

I too own a record player and buy a lot of modern day vinyl for it!

However, amazing points raised, I've been meaning to comment for some time and only haven't because I had a dream on Thursday that, er, I actually DID comment. Coming back now to see what latest responses had been made was what kicked reality into motion.

I'm still not sold by that final line from The Stranger on the road, you know the one I'm talking about. A, hem hem, dvd rip has leaked since we went and saw this and I've watched it a second time. The rest of the fillum was just as tops the second time around as it was the other week in the cinemas though.

I'd probably give it an A- here.