Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Funny to the Power of 1000

Maybe 1000 is understading it?

I need to preface this by saying these are absolutely horrifically terrible. There's no Showgirls-is-actually-a-very-good-movie rationalising about them. They are terrible. No two ways about it. Never has the "Scary Stuff" tag been more apt than now. Yet... wow. Just W-O-W-! These are the funniest things I have seen in a good while (and I just rewatched Quick Change the other night, too!) I laughed so hard I cried. Tears were actually running down my face in hysteria. Everytime they appear in my vision I just break out into fits of laughter.

But, again, awful!


The latest batch of America's Next Top Models needn't feel threatened. Alba's expression is as dead as a no-eyed fish.


Why does her head look so tiny and her shoulders so big? I could get more enthusiasm out of a dead parrot.


The Birds is one of the scariest movies ever made. This brings a whole new dimension to it. Hopefully the producers of the remake don't get ever ironic ideas.


For starters, this was never even in Scream (trust me, I have that movie filed completely to memory) and for someone who has apparently been receiving threatening phone calls and seen her boyfriend get gutted on her porch she seems quite calm, non?


I... don't even know what this is, let alone being able to tell whether it's Alba or not.

Seriously, this is NO.LAUGHING.MATTER.

Except that it is and it is hilarious.

Via My New Plaid Pants, via Egotastic.

9 comments:

Catherine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kamikaze Camel said...

I love how the Scream pne is more Carmen Electra/Scary Movie than Drew Barrymore/Scream.

Catherine said...

..why does this exist? For real. There was no reason for these to exist. And after Vanity Fair's wonderful Hitch photospread, which actually enticed me to buy the magazine for the first time ever?

I'm just home from school, I sat down for some lunch and a glass of Coke and THIS is what I'm greeted with? Life is hard.

Kamikaze Camel said...

How did you get on with "Gym Tonic". Is it not one of the most brilliantly bonkers dance records ever?

Catherine said...

I'm listening to it as I type! It does rock, and if it was ever played when I was out I'd probably have an aneurysm. Can't beat the original workout though - do you have that? It's hilarious. My copy includes Jane's tips for working out, which include "Always empty your bladder before beginning"...

FranklinBluth said...

These pics were up on another blog I went to and the final picture was discussed in the comments. Suggestions included Nightmare on Elm street, Exorcist, Poltergeist & The Grudge. Apparently Alba has said it was Poltergeist. Anyway, she looks SO BAD in the psycho shot... so bad.

J.D. said...

Holy crap, now she's Linda Blair.

That's it -- I've come to my senses!

JESSICA ALBA IS DEAD TO ME!

DEAD!!!

JA said...

Yeah, I didn't include that last shot when I posted on these just because... I had no freaking idea what that was even supposed to be from. Poltergeist makes sense, I guess, but she ought to be wearing an oversized sports jersey that's being yanked up to show her Mom-panties... (sidetracked: when I was a kid I was always so disturbed by the sexualization of JoBeth Williams at this point of the movie - she's Mom! You don't visually rape Mom!)... anyway, given the dunderheadedness of not just Alba but these shots in general, I'm not surpsied that the supposed Poltergeist shot's source material is completely unrecognizable; it's fitting with the basic theme of crappiness.

Kamikaze Camel said...

See, I thought it was Linda Blair, but Linda Blair didn't wear sexy red lingerie. Did she? But, the photo itself is terrible. All empty space and y'all just know how much I hate empty space!

Catherine, good to hear! I'm gonna have to try and get a hold of the original.