Friday, November 16, 2007

How To Turn "Hot" Into "Not" In One Easy Step

So, People magazine did their annual "Sexiest Man Alive" feature recently and their website recently posted the pictures to go alongside their 14entries. While I am routinely thankful that they don't give their title to whatever 21-year-old pre-pubescent fantasy is in the headlines this week, I also tend to think they reward the same circle constantly. The same people every year. How many times now has a castmember from Ocean's 11/12/13 been picked as their sexiest?

Still, nevertheless, I can't fault most of their selections even if they are incredibly boring for the most part...

-but

Dear god, have you seen their photo spreads? Yikes. They're either boring (sweaters!) or just plain unattractive (too much make-up!). Let's have a look.



Matt Damon
Their sexiest man alive is given shabby treatment with a boring photo that has been used in an older photo spread. Couldn't they have at least used an image that had him showing off those quite yummy Bourne muscles?





Ryan Reynolds
Perhaps the best photo in the whole lot. It actually has a sexy vibe although the blurb states "others would say his sexiest feature is his chiseled abs" so is it too much to ask for, oh I dunno, some shirtless Ryan Reynolds?






Patrick Dempsey
A decent photo, but Dempsey still looks like a miserable sod like he does all the time on Grey's Anatomy. He looks better with fuller facial hair, too, unlike what he has on Grey's.




Brad Pitt
I don't find Brad Pitt particularly sexy, too... something, but this picture is terrible. You can actually see the make-up on his face. You can particularly see it on his jawline. Apparently everyone who's remotely famous wants Pitt to play them in a biopic, which is really crazy. Let's hope we never see that Tommy Lee movie.



James McAvoy
Great selection, especially with Atonement coming up set to get hearts all aflutter, but geez. What a booooring photo. If they're going to have him standing away from the camera at least show off his arse. No? And it looks like he's squinting into the sun.




Johnny Depp
I adore Depp as an actor, but I have never particularly thought of him as sexy so it's frustrating that he is constantly on these lists. And with a boring picture like the one here, it's even worse. It just looks like a picture taken on a press tour. Put some effort into it People!




David Annabel
Interesting choice, thinking out of the box is good, and if it weren't for that hideous dog (I don't like dogs) then it could be a good picture.




Javier Bardem
Good of them for choose Bardem! Nice picture that shows off his off-centre charm and he's actually wearing a nice outfit, which is more than I can say for the other photo subjects.





Will Smith
I admit that Will Smith is a good looking bloke, so why have they covered him in this baggy outfit? HELLO! There are big muscles under there! The black and white isn't particularly flattering, either.





Shemar Moore

Seriously? A WOOL SWEATER? Ugh. Why they took this photo in what appears to be a quarry is a mystery to me too. HOW SEXY! :/






Ben Affleck
I am an Affleck fan and have always thought he was quite good looking, but he looks depressed here (perhaps it's the basement they took the photo in?) and the photo is dank and drab. I can't remember who said it, but it applies - "It's called colour! Use it!"






Adrien Grenier
When did Adrien Grenier turn into a CGI Robot. He looks like he belongs in Beowulf for crying out loud!





Justin Timberlake
At the risk of falling asleep I'll be quick and say, for someone who sure is fond of removing his clothes People did a damn good job of making him boring. And could they not use a more recent photo? It's not like they don't have millions of them.


Will Yun Lee - Nice photo, looks cheeky and - SHOCK! - they managed to choose a photo in which he is smiling (apparently it's hard to do for People). I can actually see why they put him in there, unlike almost all the others.

And so that concludes People magazine and their ridiculously lazy "sexiest man alive" issue. The website tries to be a bit more eclectic by having features on people like Chris Gorham (Popular, Ugly Betty), Jeffrey Dean Morgan (a dead ringer for Javier Bardem), and several others who, I imagine, are America-centric. And while the list itself included some names I didn't expect (Lee, Bardem) it was still overrun by the same boring people they include year in year out. Why no people like Hugh Jackman, Chris Evans, Paul Rudd, John Krasinski, Clive Owen, Jake Gyllenhaal, Eric Bana, and the one person I would have expected to be on the list purely for being such a huge "break out", Daniel Craig. Hell, I don't find him good looking, but Ryan Gosling, even!

Oh well...

6 comments:

Rural Juror said...

I'm pretty certain that McAvoy picture is just a still from Atonement. How creative.

Kamikaze Camel said...

It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest, quite frankly.

Rural Juror said...

Ahem

http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0783233/687.jpg.html

Hules said...

Matt Damon and Jonny Depp just looked clapped out.

As the last of their elastin fades, so does the last of their looks.

And Will Smith!? .... Alright, I'm in no position to say no to anybody, at all... But still, *nose in air*

Adem IAR said...

Awww the poor puppy!

I'm quite loving me some David Annabel at the moment. He's yummmmmmmy... The pictures are pretty horrid however.

Kamikaze Camel said...

On the Will Smith front, it's always been just one big marketing tool (this time for I Am Legend) but if they're going to put him on there why not show off why? Under all those clothes is a rockin' body (or, there was a few years ago at least) that could be easily shown off in a hot short or wifebeater top. But, no, they can't do that, can they? Ugh.